New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[startingnew]

Ok so with limited access id still speak to your gp, some psychiatrists work on the weekend and thats the same as psychologists. Both of these people for me work on weekends.


Id really recommend speaking to an australian therapist. In my last response it listed a few services, id recommend using one of them. They are avaliable 24/7 so they are easy to get in contact with.


Do you know how to handle the panic attacks? If not I can help you with those or give you some advice on how to manage them..


dont feel stupid for feeling like this, its a common feeling but its not true. Your feelings are very real and valid. Are you able to try and find another job? For a starters she really shouldnt be saying that or judging you. I understand the 'attention seeking' business I cop the same thing every single day and its not fun and its not a nice stigma to have hanging over your head but I can guarentee you, your not attention seeking. Like I said your feelings are very valid and you shouldt be squashing them. I know that makes things worse as well.




Your horse situation sounds very similar to my own. She had a very bad case of colic and I spent over 7 hours trying to walk her so that it wouldnt get worse but it didnt matter, I knew what had to be done. My mother and sisters got to go home and werent strong enough to stay for the next vet visit so I was on my own and watched my horse have the green dream and also be buried. Its not the greatest feelings in the world. Im not trying to make you feel worse or anything but just telling abit of my story so you know I do understand how your feeling. The other day my friends had a sick horse and was stressing that much that I ahd to go there and hold her horse for the vet. Lucky for her it wasnt major just had a sore tooth so didnt want to eat.
And then ive had my new horse for 4 months and ive just had to give her back to her old owners because she has an injury that makes her unsound. So im understanding and hearing how your feeling.


Please try and get in contact with you a hotline or something here. I think itll help you even in the dhort term just to vent- which your more than welcome to do here as well, what you say here stays here-but just for someone who can actually 'know' who you are. If that makes sense.

[Pysis]

Hi starting new thank you for responding and caring it's a nice feeling.

I'm seeing someone tomorrow now to see if they can help me with what I'm going through hopefully they can help. But if they don't I'm going to have to try and convince my mum to take me to a specialist even though she dosent want me to she dosent like them. I'll have a look at the sites you recommended i am pretty happy with the counselor I have now we have kind of clikced if that makes sense but it would be nice to have someone who can answer a bit quicker.I'm really not coping with the panic attacks at the moment I've tried a lot of things like breathing and mindfulness and listening to my music which all used to help when I suffered with them before but it's not working now, I'd love some advice on how to deal with them. I've got 5 jobs on and off at the moment but I recently had surgery on my hip and I haven't been able to lift anything or bend over much. I'm only supposed to be a garder for the boss I've been talking about she has slowly pushed me into more and more things it's difficult becuase she's a family freind and I haven't wanted to let her down but the puppet show involves me bending over and it's started to agrivated my hip and I'm not getting paid for most of the work I've done. She's just been nasty over it she thinks I should be grateful for the opertunity but I just can't get into it I can't get into much at the moment. It's just hurtful that she says that I'm just making it up and I'm just being negative. I'm been struggling with this for around 5 months now and I've been working for her the whole time and forcing myself to get there and do my job becuase I haven't wanted to let her down at one point I was picking olives for her and pretending to be fine all day and then just coming home and falling apart I was crying and I was just a mess.in my town it's not really accepted for men to feel thier emotions we are just expected to shove them down and get on with it but I've never fitted that stigma I've always been more emotional than the average guy and I've coped so much stuff over it from people. I think people think I should be this big tough man who dosent get upset by anything becuase I am very tall and I'm pretty strong from some of the work I do but I'm not that person. I'm sorry to hear about both of your horses it's not something I wish for anyone it really is horrible. But it's nice to know someone understands thank you.

[Guest_128]

Hi Pysis,

I see you have met my good friend Star,you have a friend in deed.

I m really proud that you are moving forward and trying to get the help you need.

Just thought I would pop in and let you know I'm following you and will try to help when I can.

oh the thing about real men don't cry is bs

Try and get as much sleep as you can,to help recharge your batteries.

Dory

[Pysis]

Thanks Dory

it means a lot to have people that seem to care. I know that the stigma around men is bs but sometimes I just wish town knew that as well. Yeah I've really been struggling to sleep lately I haven't slept properly for about a month now I don't normally get to sleep till around 3:00am and then mmh brothers wake me up most morning when they get ready for school at about 6:40am.

thank you for caring.

[startingnew]

I do care Pysis I care a lot and while I might not have the best advice I will still be here supporting you.


Im really glad your seeing someone tomorrow, please dont hold back on how your feeling. Be open and honest, they will be able to better help you that way.
Again that reaction from your mum is pretty common and while its not great, I think shes worried but doesnt know how to say it. My mother acted the same way and the first time I went to hospital with a breakdown she was a massive factor in the ' attention seeking' and 'you dont need that' lectures. She doesnt have to like them but sometimes it really does help and as I said your determination will greatly help you along.


If you use any of the helplines here it doesnt matter, you can still communicate with with your other one. If you choose to use them here, its up to you how you utilise it. use them as you need or use them weekly.
Kidshelpline does weekly communications as well and they can arrange to call, connect with you your prefered day of the week, weekly.


So its hard to find what works for panic attacks. Ive been having a few of them lately myself. What I find helps me is to take a good few deep breathes and just have a walk, even if its to the letterbox or from the bedroom to the kitchen. Just to get out of that environment.

I have a threas you might me interested in. ive opend it up a little bit ago but type into the BB search bar 'COPING STRATEGIES' its started by me and has a few pages on different breathing and mindfullness techniques as well as grounding exercises and distraction ideas.


Sometimes too much work is bad, I work full time plus have another part time job as well as care for my two younger sisters most days so I get the hectic schedule and I have quite a few physical ailments that are painful and make it difficult to do things sometimes.




Being a family friend it does make it hard to say no, but it is possible. You said you have 5 jobs on and off, maybe you could downsize and stop doing this work.

[startingnew]

continued on..

I hate that stimga surrounding men and their emotions. I find it stupid really and tbh unacceptable. Men are humans too with real emotions and feelings and have the right to be open, honest and express their feelings just as much as anyone. I find it gets a lot of men into trouble because it makes them bottle things up, just as its doing to you when really its a cry out for help. -im not saying that in a bad way either.


Im sorry to hear about your horses too, but while the experience is dreadful and I wouldnt wish it on anyone either it does help us to conenct with others and their experiences with their pets.
I do understand and im hearing you


Shoutout to Dory- who is awesome too

[Pysis]

Again thank you starting new so much. I only used pysis because i didn't know what else to call myself pysis is the Greek god of nature. I don't know weather it's allowed or not but if you want you can call me Nath.

Yeah im starting to get ok at talking about my emotions now it's taken me a long time though and I've never really done it in person with anyone so I'll try and be as honest as I can be. I know my mums worried it's just she can be very left feild she used to be a old time hippie so she's very much into natural ways of dealing with things. I am a very determined kind of person I've faced a lot in my life and up until now I haven't really let it get to but at the time I was just stuffing my emotions away to survive. I haven't had a look at any help lines yet but I will.

yeah I've been dealing with panic attacks my entire life they are horrible it used to completely controle my life most of my anxiety over the years has come from my dad he used to beat me a fair bit and was very mentally abusive so I had really bad seperation anxiety when I was younger I didn't trust him so I would be just terrified when my mum left me home with him and I didn't stay away from home very much becuase I was scared he would hurt one of my younger brothers or my mum. Thank you for the advice I'll give it a try. I'll also have a look at the feed you started.

yeah im trying to study as well from home so sometimes work gets a bit much but at the moment all my other jobs have kind of come to a stop for a while, I'm a roustabout in the sheering sheds when they need me as well as a fencer, Gardner, handyman and artist. But being winter it's to wet to get into the padocks to fence and becuase of my hip at the moment I can't really do the other jobs. After this week I'm not going to work for the boss that's causing me problems for a while I think it's just not worth it.

Yeah I hate the stigma to its cuased me a lot of problems throughout my life also being arty was really not excepted much at all by many people I was made fun of so much and bullied so much by kids at school both physically and verbally I was strangled, spat on,kicked, tripped, punched ect. In my town people can have very old fashioned veiws it's that men have thier roles and women have theirs kind of attitude that I hate I'm very much a feminist and I absolutely hate how women are treated here sometimes. But I think that men can get over looked a little to we struggle a lot with all the stigmas.

thank you

[startingnew]

It took me forever to think of a name too! And finally come to this one.
Your name is fine, its unqiue. Do you like nature?
I can call you by your name as long as its not like a full first and last name to identify you.


It can be really hard to talk about your emotions. For me its really hard for me to identify mine as ive always got more than one swirling around and it seems they mix into one big jumble so im still learning to do this as well.


Ahh yes, my mother while not the same as yours has the same views about dealing with things and not needing medications and therapy to help you through things. Maybe its the times they grew up and the way their parents raised them to be. I also find people have a hard time with mental health as its not 'visible' whereas a broken arm or leg you can clearly see that theres an issue where as a lot of mental health problems can be hidden from others and bottled up inside us.


It really is terrible to have these sorts of people in our lives, I think if they just got some help then they could improve and become less violent. Ive witnessed domestic violence quite a bit both physically and mentally. I was like you with having panic attacks everytime my mum went out because her partner use to sexually abuse me. So I get the fears of being left alone with these people.




What are you studying? Ive been studying as well and have started a new course 3 weeks ago now. I find its tricky to juggle work and study and so many responsibilities esp with anxiety and depression. They dont like to make things easy for us do they?


Wow you have many talents and skills, one caught my eye though and thats art. What sort of art do you do?


I think your decision to not work for that nasty boss is a good idea. I think youll feel more free as less responibiliites and less crappy treatment as well. Good on you for coming to that decsion.


Kids (and adults) can be so mean, esp when it comes to bullies. I dont get angry very often, actually its rare but one thing that really ticks me off is bullying. I find no reason for it and people should be finding constructive things to be doing rather than picking on other kids for stupid things. Ive been bullied so much as well due to weight and im really not the prettiest person and that makes me a target.


Good luck with your appointment today. We will be here for you when you are ready

[Pysis]

Hi starting new

yeah I like nature a lot it's where I feel safest I just relax when I'm in the bush and around animals and always have it used to get me picked on a lot though becuase apparently it's not normal but I ignore that now. I've been struggling a bit with not being able to go to what I call my place down at the creek becuase of my hip but I'm hoping I'll be right to go back down there in a couple weeks.

yeah ive mental health is kind of a tabo subject, people are scared of it here anyway. If I was to hurt myself and people can see it everybody would be asking me if I'm ok and checking on me but becuase it's something that only I can really feel and understand no one seems to care much.

yeah my dads tried to change and he dose for maybe a couple weeks but then he just goes back to his old self, it's hard becuase I kind of want to leave home but I don't feel I can do that to my brothers they are a fair bit younger than me and can't stand up for them selfs. I'm not a violent person at all but a few times I've had to kind of punch my dad becuase that's the only way I could get him to leave me and my brothers alone. I've seen a fair bit of abuse as well unfortunately in my town it's pretty common a guy I used to work with was just sent to jail for trying to kill his wife wich really rattled me. I'm sorry to hear about your abuse I think that's the worst kind of abuse and it really makes me angry I hope you don't have to have anything to do with that man anymore. my dad used to squeeze my behind a lot and just touch me inappropriately a lot and It used to make me feel very violated so I can only imagine how it would be.

I'm studying an advanced university certificate in zoo keeping from home I started it half way through year 11 becuase I was accused of cheating and was told I was t allowed to do year 12. No they don't make things easy.

um I do all sorts of art like sculpture and painting but I mainly illustrate I only do animals though I find people to hard. Drawing helps me relax sometimes but I've found when I'm bad like I am now I can't concentrate enough.

yeah I hate bulling to I've seen some gorgeous little kids just completely change becuase of it I got it really bad in primary school becuase of my dad he's the bus driver and none of the kids liked him so they took it out on me. I'm sure your pretty in your own ways everybody is, I used to struggle with my weight as well I used to stress eat but I've lost most of it now.

[Pysis]

Continued on

i went pretty well today I think it was a fair drive to get there so I'm pretty tierd but it wasn't to bad she seemed to understand and has given me some natural drops that I hope work and it keeps mum happy so we will see.

Thank you again for caring.