New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[HamSolo01]

hey nath

i noticed you posted on the under 25s forum so i thought i would drop by and check out what was going on, sounds like it is a rough deal..

first and foremost you need to make sure your own mental health is being taken care of

It's good that you are taking steps to do this so please continue to do so

i guess its also good that you have your mum helping out as well

dad's can be difficult like this at times, sometimes because they are trying to process difficulty (which we can all struggle with from time to time)

hang in there mate and keep getting the help you need

[MsPurple]

So my computer ran out of battery last night, I was at my dads and I had left the charger at my place, so only just my computer charged and functional again.

I think asking your psychologist if they could do a family session maybe really helpful. It can be hard but good because the psychologist will stop your dad playing victim and she will also allow you to see both sides of the story but in the right way. Sorry struggling to word it but for me it helped

I know it is scary the prospect for depression to come back, but unfortunatley for some it does. I kinda see depression like the water at the beach. When we are in the depths of depression and anxiety it is like a stormy day full of waves, rips etc. When we see a psychologist they act like an instructor teaching us how to surf, how to avoid rips, how to tread water, put a life vest on etc. When we are past our depression or no longer depressed it is like the water is completely still and everything is calm. Now if depression comes back we are better equipped to handle it next time as we know how to surf and can avoid the rips. It is still beneficial to have these tools in place to help us. Now the weather and water conditions are really. You can't change them. You can't stop a rough day happening, but you can deal with it better and in yourself avoid getting swallowed up by the water. Does this make sense? SO even if it does come back it shouldn't be as bad as your worst. That's kinda how I view it and it gives me some hope as well

[Pysis]

Hey stressless

my medication wasn't really doing all that much for me to be honest anyway it's just been more trying to get off it than anything,I mean to be honest I'm happier than I have been in years now I finally feel like I actually have someone who is there for me now I've found my girlfriend and she's just great.

The only reason really I'm feeling that way at the moment is becuase my dads being difficult I mean it's not depression at the moment anyway I'm still having more good days then bad and the bad days are brought on by dad. I deal with a lot if stress as well and latley ive beennath eating with a lot and it just wears me down, like just yesterday I found out that my youngest brother who is 11 was talking to kids who were on camp while he was at home and they were talking about sex and mums treats me like her husband unfortunately alotnof the time and of course I had to help her deal with it all. And when mum gets stressed she tends to yell a lot and has a very short fuse so I cop a bit from her as well.

I'm feeling a lit better today though I've managed to stay away from dad.

thank you

Nath

[Pysis]

Hey demon blaster

before I start I just want to thank you for taking care of my good friend Star ( starting new) I haven't been around much lately but I was really happy to see she had you and pepper helping her out.😊

Yeah it's amazing I'm so thankful for everyone here it's really great.

yeah, i have had a bit of a rough time I was really bad there for a while at one point at the start of the year I just gave up I just didn't want to keep going but I'm glad I manadged pushed on becuase if I didn't I would of missed out in so much. The suport here has been amazing as well. I'm a little sad to see sinse I've been back that a few of my good friends on here aren't around much anymore or at all in some cases by the looks of it but I hope they are doing great,

yeah she is she was the last kind of push to get me out of depression to be honest. She's just really kind, patient and understanding which is what I have been lacking in my life and craving really badly.

yeah it has been good, I really doubt he will he never has in the past and he sees a counselor and everything he just won't change.

yeah I don't think I'll ever forgive him he's just done to much damadge. No that's the thing he always throws the blame on his parents or the fact he was bullied or I was differnt from most kids my age and every other thing he can think of. He goes into a poor me act and is extreamly difficult. like even when he made me and me pop dig a hole with the orger right where the power line was and we almost died he was saying it should of been him and he can't help it and everything else, I just couldn't understand it he knew the line was there but he still made us dig there.

thank you for dropping by it means a lot. That's ok I haven't been around much at al latley.😔

Thanks

Nath

[Pysis]

Hey mate, Mitch isn't it?

Thank you for dropping around it really dose mean a lot.

Yeah I'm making sure i looking after myself this time last time I didn't and ended up in a really bad place.

yeah my dads like this most of the time unfortunatly and always has been he's better now than he used to be he used to beat me and was extreamly mentally abusive. I just have a gut full sometimes and the other day just broke me for a while that's all. I'm ok now although mums being very dificult at the moment becuase of the stress dad is cuasing a lot of the time I don't feel I have anywhere to escape it.

thanks mate same to you I know you can have a rough time as well sometimes, hope you ok?

Nath

[demonblaster]

Thanks Psysis yeah Starts is a good chooky aye, easy to like and care about. And thankyou too, I was really worried about you, was happy I found your thread, the search wasn't helping when I did your name but somehow found you and to see some people were here was a relief.

I read before your last post, great your sounding on top again but pfffftttt you've got/had heavy crap to contend with but clearly you're a survivor, Kudos getting up again from before. Very happy you've got someone lovely. She really sounds like a treasure have yous been together long

That digging jeez whatta freak out, what the hell was he thinking
Yeah some people just won't admit, very frustrating

Ok I better crash, coming outta BP (Bipolar) always too much fun 🙂 but apart from a couple of moments so far holding with depression, well handling better word.

We've gotta catch it before the beast takes hold aye, admirable how you"re standing again 🙂

Nice chatting budz, take good care nigh night 🙂

[Pysis]

Hey ms purple

unfortunatly I haven't been able to see a psychologist in person I talk to one from america online when I can, I'm pretty remote so it's hard for me to access real help here. I kind of don't know if I could do family counselling either right now I can't even really be in the same room as dad. I'm kind of finally working it all out with in myself now of that makes sense? I feel before I can really do anything to deal with him I need to figure out everything myself, so I have a lot of repressed memories that started coming back at the start of the year and I'm just trying to make sense of them.

yeah that's a really good way of putting it. I'm just scared of it coming back becuase it is only so recently that's I've got myself back to being me basically and all this stress and anger has just kind of made worry that's all. I'm always going to have bad days I think it's just at the moment those bad days scare me a little becuase they remind me of how I felt not so long ago.

thank you again it means alot

Nath

[startingnew]

hey Nath

try not to worry about me. im in good company 🙂

also i wrote a post to you but it came up late so its like a page or 2 back now with a few suggestions.

anyway, im here now and will try to keep up the best i can

[Guest_3712]

Hi Nath

Like a said before you are way more mature for your age than most.

Unfortunately that means you having to deal with things you shouldn’t have to at your age and for that sorry.

Im glad you are able to pinpoint your stress to mainly being associated with your dad and if you can keep your distance from him - great.

Also good that you are coping without meds - that’s excellent

Keep well and be kind to yourself

Cheers

Stressless

[Pysis]

Hey Star

its great to see you hear agian, I've really missed you. Sorry again I'm not around all that much, summer is always full on for me. I hope your doing well.

It's me birthday next week and my girlfriend is coming up for a week wich will be good. I'm still having periods where I'm down but I think I'm doing ok I've just been scattered latley I don't know wether that's becuase I'm still getting the meds out of my system of my Brian's playing tricks on me again.

I'll have a look t your other post

thanks Star

Nath