New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Guest_3712]

Hu Nath

So sorry you are going through this at home .

I came from a violent home too so I know what it’s like .

Sorry I don’t know what your support system is but you obviously need some help or somewhere else to stay maybe .

You need to do what you can to keep yourself safe Nath .

please call someone - friends relatives ??

Im sure others with some better suggestions will be by soon to help here Nath - keep posting

Stressless

[Pysis]

Hi stressless

thank you for dropping by it really means a lot

I've contacted my girlfreind and if it gets to much again she has said I can stay with her.

Mum manadged to get him to sit down and I finally got to tell him why I am so angry with him and why I can't deal with his aggression anymore I manadged to get 18 years of hurt out and it feels good but has drained me a lot and I'm shaking and am on the verg of tears. He plays the victim which makes things really hard I can't deal with all the stress much longer and I can't deal with any more mental abuse. He isn't as bad as he used to be but he has gone of his medication and this past month has just been hell. It's brought back so so many memories of being beaten, neglect and mental abuse and I'm struggling a bit again. He keeps saying I need to make an effort to forgive him but I'm not ready to and I don't know wether I ever will be the abuse used to be so bad.

thank you again

Nath

[MsPurple]

HI Nath

Sorry to hear you had a heated argument with your day. I know family conflict is never good for anyone

I agree with Stressless. Make sure you are safe. Maybe go for a walk to cool off or go to a mates place.

I am not too sure about your whole family dynamic (sorry I haven't read all the posts) but sounds like you and your dad may have some deeper issues. Have you considered asking your psychologist about doing a family session. I have had one in the past with my family (happens when you have an ED at 15) but we found it very helpful as there was a third party making sure the conversation didn't turn into a screaming match. They kept us on track and we all got on the same page.

I find when I have some family or friend conflict I just need to relax and do something to distract myself. I find watching something funny, either a movie or tv show helps. I suggest Brooklyn 99 as it is hilarious.

Hope this has helped a bit.

[startingnew]

Hey Nath
'sorry I havent been around too much. Ive caught up I think. Despite the negative which Ill get to I did want to comment on the positives as well




Im really glad that your relationship with your girl is going great! She seems really great and sounds like an awesome match for you. I do hope you get to spend some more time with her.


Driving- im really glad you were able to find another driving instrusctor who you conenct with. I think youll go a long way with your driving now. Not long now until youll be onto your P plates which I think will be your big opporunity to get the heck out, which now brings me to your predicament.


Have you thought about buying a caravan to put on your property? That way youll still be close to family as you want but youll also be able to have your own space. Having your license I think will also be a big break for you. Youll be able to get to and from work yourself, work whatever hrs you please, go see your gf whenever you want.


These are just thoughts of course.


You have the support of us here as well and we will help you through this the best you can as well. Also in a way I think you were sticking up for yourself, I do hope your father starts to realise that your not a punching bags for words and your no longer going to stand there and take it

[startingnew]

oh sorry nath, posts were being approved after i written mine up. there was only SLs response at the time!

im really glad that your gf said you can come and stay with her. that is a really great opportunity as well. she sounds really sweet..

[Pysis]

Hi ms purple

thank you for dropping around it means a lot thank you.

Im safe at the moment he's not strong enough anymore to be able to hurt me but I do get emotionly a

iver whelbed and my body floods with adrenalin, it just brings back so many bad memories at once all the times he beat me all the times I had to lock myself and my brothers in my room to keep us safe the times when he put his first through windows and through my door all the mental and emotional abuse everything. I just get to a point where I am so over whelbed by the pain of it all I can't function and don't know what to do.

we managed to talk about it tonight mum kind of calmed him down but he instantly put on the victim act and tried to turn it all around on me like he always has. I manadged to get out stuff I've been holding in for 18 years.

thank you I might try that.

yes it has thank you even just being listened to means a lot thank you.

thank you

Nath

[Guest_3712]

Hi Nath

Im glad you have a safety plan like going to your girlfriends if it becomes to much.

You sound very mature for your age and you have already sussed out how he manipulates your mum by playing the victim card and by telling you to forgive him .

This is still abuse even if not of the physical kind and you need professional help to get you through this . Do u currently have a psych u can talk to or a GP?

Take care

Stressless

[Pysis]

Hi stressless

yeah she said I can live with her for good if I need to but it's hard becuase I'm kind of like my 2 little brothers dad so I can't really do that.

thank you, I had to grow up very very quickly unfortunately. Yeah he plays that card all the time and try's to turn it around so that I'm the bad guy and that I'm lying which can be very hard.

yeah I know it's hard living here though I'm not close to anywhere really so it's hard to get help. I was on medication for depression for the past 7 or 8 months but I've recently fleet good enough to go off them and I've been talking to a phycologist for the same amount I've time I've been on my meds. My main fear is I'm going to end up depressed again, I can't do that again.

thank you

Nath

[Guest_3712]

Hey Nath

Im glad to hear you felt better on your meds, but sometimes this can give us a false feeling of wellness.

You say you felt well enough to stop but you are now feeling like you might be heading down that dark path again,

I would suggest maybe you see your doc again and maybe revisit starting meds again, it may help you through this difficult time .

Only a suggestion of course

Take care

Stressless

[demonblaster]

Ohhh so glad you've got quite a few lovely caring people supporting you here Pysis,

Budz wow just read back a few & great replies, you've had a rough time, very sorry for that and how strong being off meds, well done, I thought stressless suggest was good maybe to see doc if you feel you could slide back to go back on for a bit, your call of course.

Gf sounds lovely & how you spoke of her & feel about future beautiful happy for you

Understandable feeling drained like that but wow sounds good letting all that out, hopefully he'll think about it even if he doesn't let on.

Yeah forgiving dunno, that crap he put on you, dont blame you. Sorry but I get that where you're coming from, has he ever apologised?

Very sorry for your pain,

Ok i better crash, nearly 3am, shame but I need the beauty sleep & this sure aint how ☺

Hope you get sleep really good one

Nigh nite or morning

Forgive me may be while getting back but aim to 👍