I spent my whole life pretending that everything is fine when it wasn't (sexual abuse)

[Ghost_76]

I'm new to this. Just needed to talk to someone... anyone... need to know I'm not crazy

[Ghost_76]

Hi Birdy.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious today... let me know if you need anything. I'm sending you a hug, okay.

Please feel free to get anything and everything of your chest.

To answer your question about my friend. Yes, it's the same one. It seems like I'm the distant one - avoiding people and trying to push them away.

I really hope that you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself and know that I'm just a message away...

Sending you a hug 🤗

[Birdy77]

xo Ghost xo

Your message meant a lot to me.

I will check in with you tomorrow.

xo Thank you xo

hope you "got" my song. xo birdy

[Ghost_76]

Got the song... freaking awesome

[Ghost_76]

Hey Birdy.

Just wanted to check in and see how you feel today. I'm hoping that you are feeling better.

[Birdy77]

Thank you Ghost 😊

I just got back from spending the afternoon at the beach, it was lovely and very refreshing.

I feel a lot better than yesterday, i might unload to you tomorrow, but just enjoying this cruisy feeling this arvo, sitting in the backyard with a beer, that feeling after swimming in the ocean ... feels good.

Problems are all still there 😁 but slightly out of sight right this very second.

I might ask your advice about something too.

How are you feeling today? Did you get any sleep?

So glad you got my song! 😂 i had to send it to you, glad you understood my humour/meaning. xo

[Ghost_76]

Hey Birdy.

Another thing we have in common... I love the beach and beer...

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better 😊. Enjoy. Ask away and unload, Birdy. You've been a great help in my life. Hopefully I can return the favor.

Unfortunately my weekend was a bit of a disaster... Feeling very low and exhausted. Still no sleep...

Sweet dreams xx

[Birdy77]

Ohhh what happened Ghost?

What was your weekend like?

[Birdy77]

Hi Ghost,

i read your post on the other thread.

Are you ok?

Would you like to talk about what happened on the weekend with your mother?

I'm here to listen and you can get it all off your chest.

Caring for you xo

🌻birdy

[Ghost_76]

Hey Birdy,

My mother was just pushing my buttons on Friday night–playing mind games… She came to me–all caring wanting to know if I’m okay.I told her I was fine. Saturday morning I got up feeling very anxious and trapped. I got up–went for a long walk and got into the boxing bag. I felt a bit better. I had to go to town and of course my mother wanted to go with… she’s always there and she has NO concept of personal space. We went to town with me feeling really stressed – when we got there it was really busy. I nearly lost it, Birdy–I could not handle all the people around me and my mother. I couldn’t do everything I needed to do and that made me even more stressed!

I got home and just went to my room. I had a full blown panic attack and slept for about 5 minutes! Afterwards I watched a movie with the family–at least I didn’t have to talk to my mother. Things started to settle and after the movie I started cooking dinner… that’s when things really went wrong… I was standing there and my mother comes up right next to me saying: “I love you” and I replied that I love her too. Then she got even closer (by now my heart started racing again) and said: “I really love you and you will always have a special place in my heart” – now she starts getting teary and says: “I’m sorry I haven’t always been the best mother”. I started shaking telling her to please stop and leave it–of course she didn’t! She kept on going – so, I stormed into my room. I could hear hubby saying: “what did you say to her?” Now my mother was full blown crying and I’m sitting in my room having another panic attack. She comes in there – without knocking – crying and trying to talk to me – so I stormed out of the house into the darkness. I don’t know how long I stayed out there – my mind was all over the place.

Yesterday she was sulking the best part of the day. Hubby took her for a walk and told her to give me space and that she needs to accept that I will never want a relationship with my brother.

I’m just so over it, Birdy… Another two weeks of this…

You know – it hardly seems fair that I’m always downloading to you. What did you want to ask me? Please feel free to talk to me – it’s good to focus on something else. How are you feeling today? Thanks for caring – I really appreciate it

I would love to go to the beach right now… I love the sound of the ocean… it’s funny, because most of the time I’m feeling like I’m drowning in a deep dark ocean… Yep… I think I’ve finally lost my mind.

[Ghost_76]

Well I really mucked up again. Should've never said anything about how I feel. I screwed up DB's thread. I really mess up everything. Not sure why I should hang around.