Dearest Ghost,
It is so, so good to hear from you!
You never need to apologise, but it always lifts my spirits to see you have posted. The rollercoaster you are on is exhausting, & your spare energy needs to go where it needs to go, & if it's too hard to post here at any time, that's completely understandable. I think of you so often, and I often want to post a little message in here to you, but i never want you to feel pressured.
Have you been on that ride, I know there's one at Luna Park, where it's like a fat cylinder and you stand on the inside perimeter of the cylinder, and then the cylinder starts to spin, really fast? And then it starts to tilt as well as spin? And at first you think, this is fun ... this is cool ... & then there's this precise point where it's decidedly unfun & you want to get off and you wish you'd never come to Luna Park in the first place?
Well, I was on that ride in my mind last week (instead of the roller coaster). I had 103 different actual pressures, plus I started to conjure up some pretend ones as well, just to spice it up. It is amazing my head didn't spin off.
Anyway, all is calm again this week, but I'm seriously exhausted. I feel very old and tired. You know that depleted feeling after expending every single piece of emotional energy you have inside you?
The recent annoying family hassle (i have an array of family issues to choose from) is on the backburner. Thank you both for your care, this one is more of an irritation & I think I'll run out of characters here if I start on it now. Suffice to say I was getting a head of steam up about a list of injustices, ready to confront a certain family member, & they didn't show up. Maybe a tale for another day.
I am glad you are able to go for those big walks, that must feel really good, to walk & walk, and feel your muscles & your lungs and focus on that for a bit.
I understand that difficulty of concentrating on books and movies when feeling so low. Focusing on lyrics sounds like a good distraction from your mind. What music are you loving at the moment? I listen to most of my music through Spotify at the moment so I'm coming across new stuff which is always good. I've been enjoying Leon Bridges a lot lately and just discovered Curtis Harding. Also Kllo.
I am going to try to get to the beach later for a walk: I will draw in strength from the waves & calm from the blue sky & send it your way my friend, & I will look for clams for Croix the angel-walrus.
🌻birdy
