Husband left and I feel hopelss

[Jayne106]

My husband of over 16 years decided to break the news to me that he is no longer in love with me and needs time and space to find himself. He works a hugely demanding job and has been unhappy in his employment for a long time although he claims this has nothing to do with his unhappiness. He has now moved out of our home. I am madly and deeply in love with my husband. I know he has expressed he has had suicidal thoughts and has also tried to take his life recently. I have asked him to get help and I believe he has seen a GP but I have no idea if he is booked to speak to any one further and every second of the day I think about him. I really want to be there to support him. Our children are missing him dearly.They see my pain daily as I feel utter despair.I know people would tell me I have to look after myself and children and the children are my first priority although I am not able to function for myself.I just want to sleep as at least when I am sleeping the pain stops. I have always been a happy bubbly person and involved in many things and now I am finding I am withdrawing. I don't eat at all maybe a mouthful of food at each meal as I feel sick. I don't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours per night and I need sleeping tablets to get that. I begged for him to come to counselling with me to work on the marriage and he went to 2 sessions and didn't say alot except that he didn't love me. he was done and felt I didn't listen. I begged to keep going and to let me be his support through this. I am gutted and I feel I am losing it. My body is numb. I cry all the time. I am constantly thinking of him and how he is. I have booked to see a GP although not certain I will go as worried he will think I am weak. Do I continue to hold hope my gorgeous husband just needs time away and help? Am i just living in a fantasy. Can depression turn around and people see that there spouse was not the problem and they can make things work. Has anyone experienced this and had there spouse return or am I a fool and he really doesn't love me. One of my children told me today.. mum I believe dad does love you and I hope he soon will see it. Our friends are shocked and taken back at his lack of ability to try and this is why I am concerned for his mental health. My husband is the most amazing man and I see the hurt in his eyes now. I look at him and he looks broken ... I am a broken unit but should I be looking fine so he doesn't feel pity on me. I don't want him to come home from pity

[Costa_72]

Hi Jayne,

I’m very sorry to read your thread. I understand and feel what you’re going through. My wife asked me to leave 21 months ago after 23 years married.

I was gobsmacked and didn’t see it coming. I am getting worse every day with depression, anxiety, grief, identity loss and feelings of inadequacy and displacement. I believe that I suffered PTSD and the help I have sought has done nothing.

I still believe we had so much more good than bad in our relationship. I still don’t know exactly why she wanted this. I loved her and still do very deeply. Totally in limbo in all areas of my life. I have no motivation to do anything or move on. At the moment I have almost given up hope of ever being even mildly happy ever again. Don’t know how much more I can take.

I don’t know if there is anything I can say to help you but know that you are not alone and there are others struggling like you. Hoping that you can find a way to heal and move on with your kids.

Thank you for sharing your story.😊

[MO2TG]

Hi Costa and Summer Rose.
Thanks for your kind words and support.
I do go over old threads and realised lots of ppl feel bereft and displaced.
I do feel like i am not missed at all. I feel that our relationship was not given a chance to be repaired., or an opportunity for closure.
I still don't know why, none of it makes sense.
I do try to process the situation but it is hard. I have a choice and that is to keep going. 1 day at a time.

[Tess2]

Dear MO2TG and Jayne,

i think you are both doing great. You are supporting your children and moving ahead. It must feel terrible, but you are amazing. Sometimes things are just unexplainable and not able to be understood by the partner, but just know that you are doing ok.

keep coming here for support and positives

tess

[Jayne106]

What a day of emotions.
I have had a few melt downs today and considering my doctor doubled my medication I wasn't expecting to feel this terrible.
My heart is beating so fast and it feels like it continues to break over and over as we move through each part of the day and night
Family traditions of xmas eve dinner and carols and getting the tree ready for the morning are all up to me. Knowing my bed is empty without him here to cuddle goodnight to and whisper Merry Christmas breaks me over and over tonight.
My family has been great and my mum took ke out for a drive to pick up something and sat in the car with me whilst I had a melt down
how I will cope tomorrow I have no idea but all I can do is so my best and remove myself and sit quietly if I cant handle the moment during the day.
I am also feeling for him as much as he has decided what he wants I feel terrible knowing he has no one to have xmas with and will be sitting there all day on his own whilst my family try to make the day as special as possible.
My step daughter came over today and is coming for xmas dinner tomorrow as she wants to be here with us and is bringing her boyfriend for us to meet for the first time.
I feel honoured that she still wants to come and see us although again I feel he is going to be upset knowing she is having a meal with us and spending the night here when she has told me today she is only stopping in there for a short while early morning.
I wish you all a merry Xmas and i really hope we can all try and enjoy and make the most of what we have for planned for the day with the ones we have around as support and love.
It is hard to feel the love you have for someone and I agree with MOT2G feel that they dont even miss you .... broken and hopeless tonight

[MO2TG]

Hey Jayne
Its already too much...too much sadness...too much hopelessness. Again nothing from him but anger. Not other emotion, no tenderness. We went from lots of intimacy....to none in a space of a few weeks.. I'm confused lonely and in shock. I still can't believe this is my life. I will try tomorrow it's all I can do

[Nothappyuni]

Hi MO2TG,

I am a guy who is going through what you are. 25 years with a partner that had an affair, has told me I can't see my kids for Christmas, argued with me all day on the phone. I get so damned depressed about it all, I worshipped her and she slept around and refused to show mw any affection.

Things could be worse, I see how bad some people have it here, I see people who are dying from sickness and want to live, and I realise it could be worse for me. This will pass.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Christmas, I hope you all get what you need for the new year.

[MO2TG]

Merry Christmas to Jayne, Summer Rose, Tess, Costa and Nothappy@uni. And others who may read this post today.
I hope on this day everyone finds some joy and happiness no matter how small.
Cherish those who surround you near and far, and give you love and support. Be graceful and forgiving Towards all others. Xxoo

[MO2TG]

Merry Christmas to Jayne%2c Summer Rose%2c Tess%2c Costa and Nothappy@uni. And others who may read this post today.
%3cbr/%3eI hope on this day everyone finds some joy and happiness no matter how small.
%3cbr/%3eCherish those who surround you near and far%2c and give you love and support. Be graceful and forgiving Towards all others. Xxoo

[Summer Rose]

Hi MO2TG

Thank you for your Christmas wishes.

It is a testament to your kind spirit that you are able to think of others, whilst struggling yourself. You've beautifully captured the meaning of Christmas -- caring and kindness for others.

I hope that you and Jayne made it through okay. I can imagine it was different but hope that being with your children and other family and friends eased your saddness.

Kind thoughts to you

[Jayne106]

Hi all
My family went above and beyond yesterday to make the day as special as they could.
My 2 boys were next level amazing. They did their own Christmas shopping for me and brought some lovely abd thoughtful gifts. They even went with their sister and had a Santa photo which makes me melt looking at it.
My sons had their girlfriends over and my step daughter brought her boyfriend for dinner so there was plenty to be happy about. I know i am super lucky to have them all. The hardest part is wanting the person who spent xmas on his own all day but he has to live his reality of what he has chosen to be his new life.
He tried to ring the boys and they would not answer his call. He messaged them and i asked them to plesee message back as he would be on his own
They would only message merry Christmas and not another word. At least it was something.
It breaks me knowing his mother didn't come to him and his father and girlfriend went away so his family didn't even support him and all my family wanted was him to have xmas with us and we missed him.
I tried so hard not to cry yesterday and only had moments away from everyone where i broke down.
Today i have come away on holidays something we have done for 8 years or more together. Waiting for my son's to arrive as they are working today and i am sitting here bawling. I am on double medication over xmas and it is doing nothing! I feel so bloody hopeless yet in my mind i am trying to tell myself how lucky i am to have what i have
It feels like this hurt is never going to stop.
I never messaged him yesterday and i wanted to message him but thought he would think less of me that i had the Kids with me and he had nothing. How can he be policing that life more than what we had togather! How is that possible. You must really really not love someone to give it all up that easily.
I would never give up on him and most certainly would make any attempt to get my problems sorted so i never lost my kids. He just doesn't seem to care about any of that.
Really really destroyed
Will one day be a really happy day when i don't think about him every minute... hour...