FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

[Doolhof]

Season's Greetings everyone.

We have a lovely cheery Christmas and New Years thread started up in the Social Zone. Hope you can drop by there and share some joy and happiness.

This is the alternate thread, where you can share the not so pleasant memories of Christmas or the concerns you may have for Christmas 2016.

For me, my depressive brain decides to hassle me about Christmas in November! That is so unnecessary! I need to break this habit!

So on this thread you can share the negative and hopefully find a positive at the end.

You might like to share what the worst present was that you ever received, or how sad and miserable you are at Christmas.

By sharing, we may well be able to help and support each other through a time that can be very tough for some.

This is the place to vent, the thread on the Social Zone is also waiting for you to add your happy thoughts and memories of Christmas and New Years.

Thinking of you all, hugs from Mrs. Dools

[Destiny_Driver]

The "silly" season is the worst time of the year for me, has been for as long as I can remember.

I remember as a 11 year old being left at home to mind the dog while the rest of my family went on holidays. I didn't mind being left behind - I hated the caravan they owned. What "got" me was the fact they forgot my birthday just after Christmas!

The requirement that everyone be nice to each other - even though you don't particularly like these people for the rest of the year - doesn't sit well with me. Just because "it's Christmas" doesn't change my opinion of anybody. But I used to conform, just to keep the peace. Not any more.

Elizabeth CP - it's good you enjoy spending time with family! Maybe focus more on seeing the people you love than what you're going to feed them?

[james1]

Ah this Christimas will not be a fun one for me either. It's usually a reminder of the broken family I've lived with up until about 4 years ago when I started spending Christmas with my ex's family.. So the past 4 have been very good but this Christmas will probably serve as a reminder of both the broken family and the break-up. Ditto for my birthday next week actually.

I've been considering just getting away for Christmas which is what I usually do for my birthday.

[Doolhof]

Hi Gabriella,

Hopefully you will start feeling a bit better each day while staying on the medication.

Okay, so it sounds like family tradition/habits might not be too changeable.

If you do not go away, can you plan something different to do on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day?

Before Christmas, try reaching out to family and friends and organise an outing with someone now and then. It will help to build up your self esteem and sense of self.

Regarding the salads, there are plenty of salads already made up in the supermarket. You can add to them and place them in a nice bowl or container.

Are you a list maker? If so then make a list now of things you would like to achieve before Christmas.

Going away might be a form of escapism, that sounds okay to me, as long as you are prepared to try to work on how you are feeling either before you go away or when you return.

Do you have any ideas as to where you might like to go?

If yo do, then try and find out what is available in that area on Christmas Day so you can make plans.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Have you as a family thought about celebrating a "Christmas in July"? I know it is not the same thing. I have been to some of these gatherings in July and rather like it.

There is a lot less stress, it all seems to be more fun, it is certainly colder so you can enjoy eating all of that hot food and stuff yourself with Christmas Pudding.

It can be very tough when you feel like you have to get everything perfect. That can put a real strain on yourself.

Hopefully by making lists now and thinking about what you would like to organise, you will be better prepared.

Would it be possible for you to organise a special family gathering to remember your parents and celebrate their lives? I have friends who do this. They eat food that was liked by those who have died and try and think up funny stories and memories.

An occasion like that may help to take away some of the sadness and hurt of Christmas.

[Doolhof]

Hi Destiny Driver,

That was a huge responsibility to be left behind to look after the dog! How many days were you home alone and was that over Christmas?

That really sucks, so does having your Birthday not recognised.

It is tough having to be on your best behaviour and to play happy families when like you mentioned, it is not like that for the rest of the year.

Hopefully you will enjoy December the 25th, if you celebrate Christmas or not.

[Doolhof]

Hi James,

"Happy Birthday" for next week. I hope you have a special kind of day no matter what you plan on doing or not doing!

We are going away for Christmas as are a few other people we know.

Do you have any ideas where you might like to go for Christmas?

Where ever it is, you might find a community event to join in with if you are so inclined, or just have a quiet time by yourself.

Last year I attended Christmas Day service at Church and then the hall was set up for Christmas lunch for anyone who didn't have any where to go and wanted to be with people.

Each person attending received a gift. There were a couple of guys who still looked rather hungry, so I kept returning to them asking if they would like more to eat once everyone had been fed.

There was a lot of chatter and laughter. People walked out with smiles on their faces. It was lovely.

[Shred1106]

Hi Mrs Dools

Christmas - or just before it is not pleasant for me.An anniversary unfortunately, the second one in as many months. Even more difficult was that both people had been prepared and had already bought gifts for me.

On the up side...well it's almost the end of a bugga of a year for me...may 2017 bring happiness to all because we all deserve it!

[Doolhof]

Hi Shred,

I'm assuming from your thread that a couple of people whom you loved and cared for died just before Christmas, maybe last year or some other year.

It must have been really tough knowing they had bought gifts for you already.

Is there some way you can celebrate the lives of these people before Christmas?

At Christmas I like to light candles for loved ones who can not be with us for one reason or another. I don't always tell people what the candles are for. I place them on the table and light them.

I've also bought special decorations for the tree in memory of loved ones.

Thanks for your upside thoughts! Yes, it is nearly the end of the year.

We all have an opportunity to make 2017 the best we can possibly make it with all we have available to us.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Destiny_Driver]

Doolhof,

My parents left on Boxing day every year and came home early January, so I was alone for a couple of weeks. Being alone didn't bother me, it still doesn't. I adored the dog and she was my "best friend" so staying home to care for her wasn't a hardship. I'd much rather be at home with the dog, rather than being on holidays with my family.

I find it easier to consider Christmas Day as just another day not any sort of special day. It works for me.

I'm not a Grinch and hope that those who celebrate the day have a great time!

[Shred1106]

Thanks for that Mrs Dools - I think that is something I might discuss with my psychologist and formulate a plan from there. Every even year several of us go away together over Christmas and New Year so I don't even put up a tree, and those I travel with, although family, don't really get me at all.

In fact the first anniversary a few weeks ago was from a long time back when my long standing boyfriend was killed in a car accident, and the latter anniversary close to Christmas was Mum.

The years going by don't seem to make it any easier and I try very hard for the kids in the extended family not to make a deal of it. However, you've given me food for thought so thanks for that.

Your wisdom is inspiring!