Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Ah , don't be too hard on yourself cm , all these things behaviors and people are very obvious as a 3rd wheel and the feeling it gives you too sorry to say. l'm the same although l do love cars l'm not into the latest of anything let alone cars matter of fact l want my 74 merc haha . As for gadgets and phones mines 5yrs old l'll run it into the ground haha, soon realized with phones like cars and everything else these days , there's a new one, then another and another before you even unwrap the one ya just bought,- who can be bothered.

like mindedness on some things in life with couples is a pretty big thing, we're lucky in that stuff for example and not much the Jone's impresses either of us. But eh , you can overlook the car thing that day yeah , l know though it goes far wider than that. Maybe sis and bf need their own space down the track you think or ? You n m could really use some you time not only for the obvious but to just see how you exist together bc it's been awhile now and you need to know if you'll be hopefully happy together or the frustrations are life.

Just thoughts. rx

[CMF]

Hi Tess,

Totally agree. I do give it too much of my head space cos it's always in my face. I'm quiet and reserved. She is dominant and loves the attention. She is lovely, just that everything she does is overpowering. Her bf commented today how she loves to spend money, she does and this year has been really over the top. I have told M that while they live together our relationship won't move forward. I won't go there on Saturdays like I said I wouldn't. M loves having lots of people a round, I like it when it's just us. When there are lots of people I fade into the background. I'm not going to put myself in situations I don't enjoy. He can pick me up Sunday's if I don't want to go there at times. Gotta work both ways.

[Guest_1584]

Yep it has cm , good for you.

rx

[CMF]

Gee rx,

You really get me. We must be twin flames. You're spot on. I have no idea how M and I would exist together, just us, our kids. He is confident we will just live together eventually, at his place by sounds of things. I'm not sure. I really like the quiet, he can't handle it. He spreads himself thin, I wish he'd learn to say no. Looks like now I have to deal with sis & the boyfriend. Sounds like he goes there more than she to his. He brings his dogs, they all have fun I get to hear the stories. They've booked a beach house for us all again in January. 6 days.long time for me, in 1 house with all of them. He said I can come home anytime but I won't drive that far, anxiety. He knows that. So I either don't go, even though they've accommodated for us, or I go and suck it up. I wasn't told it would be 6 days. Once again, I'm just tagging along, although they are paying, and I'm grateful although not comfortable. I won't sponge off anyone,but it's not in my budget. As horrible as his ex was, I empathise with her, can understand how she must have felt. He referred to her as a witch yesterday cos the boys are away with her this weekend. We agreed to move above that. He hates them being away esp with her. It's weird, I understand her behaviour, as wrong as it was, and believe he was part of the cause. He didn't read the signs. She felt he didn't care cos he can be aloof, insensitive. I've felt this way but I know he doesn't do it on purpose.

[quirkywords]

CMF

it is interesting how when we see the ex partners four partner in a different light and try to understand from their point of view. As you say not excusing behaviour but it is nit black and white. I agree about calling ex names.

a friend’s husband used to complain how horrible his ex wife was fir after a long marriage leaving him for another man. She soon learnt the ex had been unhappy fir a long time and felt ignored. Also she saw another side to her husband than the calm one he showed everyone else.

I think 6 days could be ok if you can go for walks together and have some time apart because it will get very noisy and hectic at times. How many people are going- over 10 including children. .?.

[CMF]

Yes, about 10. We'll have no alone time cos he loved lots of people around. He'll have his time cycling but I'll have nothing as I won't take me car. I have options, but I won't drive back on my own. He made it clear he's not going to hold me there if I want to come home. So I have the choice, not they mean. My problem, he'll just shrug his shoulders and be aloof. Care factor? He's extremely confident in us, maybe even cocky, thinks I'm worried I'll loose him. I'm not the 18yo anymore. His sis ' clairvoyant t told her we are forever. Wonder what would h happen if she had doubted us? His talks to the clairvoyant when she needs to know how things will work out.

[CMF]

Well today was perfect. He picked me up, we had lunch then an afternoon to ourselves at his place. He always tells and shows how much he loves me. I just need to manage mine when his sis isaround .

[Guest_1584]

Ahhh thx cm , twin bb"s .

Glad you had a great arvo , nice one.

rx

[CMF]

God help me. I have so much pain in my back and neck this morning I wanted to throw up. My niece gave birth to a full term still born this week. It's devastating. I've been very busy with work, not sleeping well, exhausted. Went to M's for dinner tonight and of course his sis dominated. When we arrived he was busy, just got home. I told him about my pain, nearly vomiting. His was busy. His sis comes out and starts telling us about the latest saga with her fancy car. Omg, I'm so sick of hearing about her frickin car. I was in pain, I stood there and listened then sat inside. She had dinner with us. Her and M chatted the whole time, I said nothing. M turned to me and started to tell me something and she just started talking to him about something and took over. Unbelievable. Finally she left to go to her bf's. She knew I was in pain, M told her, she saw but didn't ask about it and she's an osteopath! When she finally left M said he hates seeing me in pain cos I'm not myself. The kids went outside and I vented to M. About my pain, my sadness, my teenage daughter,'s rudeness, little miss dad being a jerk. I just let everything out. He made us a nice coffee, my pain subsided. He told me about something that his ex did that hurt him,wanted my opinion. It happened Monday, he was upset all week. When I asked why he waited till Friday to tell me he s said he thought he was over reacting, needed to get it right in his mind. His sis knew I about it, was furious but of course I come second. He wasn't over reacting. His ex did something very hurtful but he's got his sis to talk to. Who needs me. If she didn't live there I wonder if he would have told me me about it sooner. I'm over it. Sick of her being there, being his person, having to listen to her dramas, her interrupting. It's ALWAYS about her. He was looking for a photo on his phone to show me and even had to comment that he a nd her have shared 400 photos. I don't give a rat's. I need her out of our relationship.

[Guest_1584]

Oh nooooo, and the cycle continues.

Hey l know a guy drives a bus, l could send him over to m's hey , there, all fixed.

Hope your feeling better cm. rx.