Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[blondguy]

Hey Elizabeth

Im sorry that I havent been on your thread.....until now.

You have been on the forums for a long time and provided some great advice too 🙂

I dont blame you for a moment that you are exhausted/fatigued! You have a ton on your plate with whats happening in your life.

MarkJT has made a good point about your counselor making your appointments further apart...that is a worry and doesnt make a lot of sense especially as you deserve and need to have a good vent to her/him

You also know that I always used to be anti-meds prior to my doc putting her foot down in 1996 as self healing just didnt work. I wasted 13 years of my life trying to 'eat well and exercise' even though I was very fit

The meds initially are a a pain as we dont like the side effects. They are never a total fix (as you know) they only provide us with a platform on which we can heal more effectively using all the coping mechanisms available

I have been on the AD's now for 21 years albeit a small dosage. I still need a 'tune up' from my GP when my mood starts to falter.

I apologise if I have missed a post you have written Elizabeth. If its okay, can I ask when the last time you cried your eyes out in front of a counselor? (no response necessary of course)

I had weekly visits with a psychiatric nurse for 6 months and he had me crying my eyes out....but thats just me 🙂

(he made me promise that I would attend weekly free visits even though I still thought I could self heal)

Mark has a stack of experience and he has asked a really good question....Did your psych give you any reason for the reduction in frequency of visits?

I just dont understand.....yet still learning 🙂

my kind thoughts and nice to see you again Elizabeth

Paulx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Mark I have really appreciated your replies. Sometimes it is nice to feel someone is listening & that my concerns are valid.

Thanks Paul It is nice to talk again. I hope you are doing better.

I was doing better & I think the psych thought it would be better to spread sessions out as we weren't making much progress. He was concerned that the time taken to get to sessions may be adding extra stress. Unfortunately this occurred as I started going downhill again.

I understand that meds can be really beneficial for some people but my experience has been so negative I am not prepared to try again. I haven't cried in front of my psych for a while.

Today I had to get up early to get my husband ready to go out. I went for a decent walk after dropping him off & then returned home to mow the lawn. I'm trying to see if pushing myself to do more will help since focusing on sleeping more hasn't helped enough. I seem to be overreacting to things at the moment. For example I went to a carers group meeting & became really upset by one person going on & on about negative things including things which happened years ago & were no longer relevant. I ended up walking out feeling I have nowhere to get advice I needed.

[MarkJT]

ECP, with your psych - does the psych challenge you? Are you completely open to your psych? I feel that there is something holding you back. Something that you do not really want to talk about and that is the thing that is making you so tired.

Trying to be level when you have a mental health illness is incredibly brain juice draining and if we are not completely honest with ourselves, we cannot move on fully.

Now please do not take me the wrong way here, I am not saying that you are definitely holding something back it is just trying to narrow it down as to what is making you fatigued.

Mark.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Mark, I don't think I'm deliberately holding back but I feel like I have so many different issues which have been discussed at different times & bounced all over the place as different things came up. This has meant that things haven't always been dealt with properly. For example attempts have been made to address my self esteem issues which stem from being bullied at school & having no friends which were made made worse by negative feelings & struggles following being caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home. Unfortunately instead of being able to attend a series of sessions to address this problem other issues arose making it impossible for me to work effectively on self esteem. Examples of these issues included my husband becoming extremely sick & bouncing in & out of hospital with lack of sleep & emotional stress for me trying to cope. So many attempts to improve my situation & set reasonable goals have been aborted when things go wrong. Maybe focusing/discussing my problems is making them worse & I should just ignore them.

Other people are much worse off than me so I should be coping better.

[MarkJT]

ECP, do not fall into the trap of "other people are worse off". Your problems are your problems and are just as important to you as anyone else's are to them.

So i think it would be beneficial for when the next time you have a psych session, to concentrate on one thing and one only. Trying to take on all of these issues at the same time is clearly not working so break it down and deal with each individually.

By concentration on the one issue, you will get better at that and once you can overcome or learn to deal with that issue, move onto the next.

Thoughts?

Mark.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Mark, Most sessions we concentrate on one issue but when things go wrong (which has happened frequently over the last few years) we then have to focus on the most urgent issue rather than what we started the previous time. This has led to me feeling like I'm getting nowhere. There is a feeling of loss because things my husband & I used to enjoy are either no longer possible or require much more work on my part rather than being fun for both. Maybe I should try writing a list to take to sessions to help keep on track.

[MarkJT]

ECP, I think writing a list would be a great idea. I really feel that you need to get on top of one issue and then move onto the next. I understand that you and your psych need to react to what is the most important at that time but this is a really tricky situation. The feeling of getting nowhere will be negated also if you can get on top of the one thing as well.

Have a chat to the psych and see what they think.

Mark.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Mark. I have been away for a few days so didn't get to reply. We had a good break although a lot of work to clear up after. Unfortunately found out while we were away that my son was admitted to a psych ward. I've tried to not thing about it while away as there was nothing I could do but now I'm back I will need to decide what if anything I should do. Unfortunately his wife is difficult to deal with & her behaviour has exacerbated my son's problems. Will try to put it to the back of my mind till tomorrow otherwise I will just get too stressed

[Elizabeth CP]

Saw a specialist today for a review. He doesn't want to treat the infection because he believes the cure will be worse than the infection. He had advised me to try some over the counter meds to see if that would help with the stomach pain I was feeling. He thought it had helped so I've been advised to use it as required. I spoke to him about the injury I sustained last year & asked if this could have brought on my problems. I had forgotten about it last visit. He agreed with me that had brought on the problems I was having. Don't have to go back

I saw my psychologist the other day. We are going to have appointments every 2-3 weeks as any further apart is too much. He told me about some research that he learnt about which he thinks may help me. They have found that doing 20min a day of' specific calming exercises reverses the negative effect of chronic stress. Examples of these calming exercises are progressive relaxation where you tense & relax each muscle group in turn, Deep slow breathing while counting tai Chi & some yoga poses. Mindfulness while beneficial in other ways by calming the mind doesn't have the impact on the physical body. I need to get myself motivated to try this. This week has been busy My one free day ended up having to babysit at the last minute so got nothing done.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have had a really busy week. I was trying to finish a project but had lots of interruptions which meant having to work on it late at night & then going to bed tired but with my mind too revved up to sleep. Each extra thing was important but having so many unexpected things in such a short space made things challenging. On Saturday I visited some extended family members who are going through a hard time. I came home feeling powerless to help but couldn't stop myself thinking about the issues they are experiencing. This affected me stopping me from sleeping.

I have finished the project but now feel I have so much to catch up on I feel anxious about catching up & not forgetting something important. My husband is currently having some health issues to add to the pressure. Nothing serious but it still takes extra time. I feel guilty about not doing enough to help him.