Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Elizabeth CP]

Shell

I feel hypocritical because I'm going to church so putting on the appearance of being a good Christian yet I'm not studying the scriptures or praying so I'm not feeling spiritual at all.

[Elizabeth CP]

I am feeling overwhelmed & need to escape but have no way of doing this. I have been exhausted since I went away & any attempt to catch up on sleep seems unsuccessful. Even when I get a couple of reasonable nights sleep it isn't enough to get over the fatigue. Even when I'm not doing anything constructive my mind is trying to cope with the lists of things needing doing.

Yesterday my son pulled out my oven & demolished the brick surround which I hated. The oven wasn't working properly. My son offered & it needed doing so I accepted but now I'm left with a hole in the floor & ceiling, no oven , piles of rubble & an old oven in my back yard & contents of kitchen in odd places as I moved things to avoid getting everything covered in dust. I have to get the kitchen fixed urgently. I need to finish my vegetable garden & weeding strawberries & raspberries. My husband is always anxious to get the vegetables planted in spring but of course it is now my job along with everything else. It would have been fine if I wasn't out of action for weeks due to my back & still supposed to be careful. Then my husband wants to go away hiking in the alpine area so I need to arrange that & check if the snow is cleared as he can't cope with snow & cold weather. Today he decided he needs to do a particular walk every day to get fitter. It takes several hours & he gets exhausted doing it plus it isn't safe for him to do alone so I have to find time to do this as well as everything else. I had already mentioned that I was exhausted & needed a break.

The other issue is Tuesday we have a family outing. One son offered to take us as his wife isn't going which would have given me a break from driving all the time except my other DIL rang to ask for a lift for their family as they can't afford petrol. This will be stressful as DIL is very overbearing. It annoys me that she can spend on anything she wants including expensive holidays on her own (but they can't afford to go away as a family) & then they can't pay for essentials. Financial stress has caused my son to end up in psych hospital several times so this really bothers me.

Sorry for the ranting

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

You sound very strained -and I'm not surprised. Every time you recharge even a little you are off using it. If you regarded your energy and mental well-being as a budget you would see what I mean. Actually you most probably you already do. The idea of banking up some energy for the future does not seem to fit. Running out of energy not only affects how you feel mentally in a direct manner but also feeds feelings of failure.

I'm sure you already know all this and are simply pressured by your feelings of obligation. Your husband's sudden desire for a fitness walk every day is an example. Did he take you into account when making that decision? Or simply assume you would make it all work. I suspect if he asked you would say it was OK.

I'm sorry, I'm probably being intrusive by making such comments however it appears that way from what you have said.

I don't blame you for 'ranting', I'd do at least that in your situation

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix. You are correct. It helps having someone at least understand even if you can't fix it. My husband doesn't mean to be putting so much pressure on me & he wants to be as independent as possible & wants to maintain as much fitness as possible but doesn't think through what it means to me to suggest things like he does. This is compounded by my guilt feelings of never doing enough. He is not always realistic about what he can do which creates problems. I'm the one who deals with the consequences when things go wrong.

[Guest_1055]

I think I am a little concerned for you Elizabeth. You do sound overwhelmed. I am guessing all this stuff happening is just bringing on stress in your physical body. It's all too much. Can you not just say a gentle no to some of this?? It seems like a wise and logical thing to do. I am concerned you may even be making it worse for yourself. Maybe write on your list.... take a relaxing bubble bath or something else that is nice and calming.

And maybe you are allowing yourself to be driven by guilt or something??

Please take care won't you..

Shell x

[blondguy]

Hello Elizabeth

I apologise for not being present on you thread.....sincerely. I understand where you are coming from with sometimes having a 'racing' mind. It has overwhelmed me in the 1980's and 1990's and even now too and its such a pain in the rump as well

You mentioned...."Anything requiring thinking or planning seems to be too hard".......I have only read up to this post and it really rang a lot of bells for me Elizabeth

Just from my own situation I have felt exactly the same since my anxiety 'kicked in' in 1983. The 'super regular counseling' and meds did work really well but you have hit the nail on the head with your statement that you made above...so well said....I still feel the same way as you do

Just in my opinion with my illness Elizabeth..."Anything requiring thinking or planning seems to be too hard" can be a result of any reason in our background and what we have gone through as a child but after 30+ years of feeling the same way I am really starting to believe that its a physical issue due to chemical imbalances.....people dont choose to be this way Elizabeth. I know I dont x

My Kindest

Paul

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Paul, As you implied physical & mental issues are closely related. Tiredness is a huge trigger for me. Also any pain, illness or injury increases tiredness but also stops me doing things I need to do increasing pressure on me. Even after things improve I then have the pressure of catching up on everything which hasn't been done. I need a circuit breaker but attempts to change things don't seem to work. My psych pointed out that he believed that being busy working towards my goals not only makes me feel useful & in control which is important for my wellbeing but also helps to focus my mind thus quietening all the negative thoughts. Unfortunately this means it is extra hard when I can't effectively work towards my goals but also makes it hard to relax when not working. It also means I often overdo things leaving me worse off.

I have felt I need to really have a break to allow time for my mind & body to recover but that seems to be difficult. Attempts to do this have failed. Medication hasn't worked. I don't want to try anything else due to the side effects. I take sleeping tablets occasionally when really bad.

[Elizabeth CP]

I've had a psychiatrist visit today. Unfortunately it didn't hel because I feel so stuck & unable to change. I'm still feeling very tired & overwhelmed by everything needing doing. Because of the fatigue & amount of stuff needing doing 'yesterday' I'm struggling to sort out in my mind what to do & prioritise it. Yesterday we had a family gathering. My husband went with one son but I had to provide transport for my other son as they couldn't afford petrol. I find my DIL overbearing & resent the way she spends money on whatever she wants including expensive holidays but then can't afford to pay bills. I would have loved to travel with my older son & have a break from driving. The trip home was stressful as DIL confirmed she wasn't paying back loans she had & then accused me of blaming her for all the financial problems My son's job is likely to finish at the end of the year & they may have to move yet she HAS to go to Fiji for a couple of weeks & HAS to go on a cruise next year. My son & grandkids can't have a holiday as their is no money. She yells at my son & the kids often & complains about them to others while they are listening & then she wonders why my son doesn't help. Anything he does isn't good enough. He has a history of serious depression so I'm worried about that.

Last night my husband arrived home complaining about his shoulder & head so today was spent at the hospital getting that checked. It appears that it is soft tissue damage so needs time to heal rather than active treatment.

My psych suggested I find some things to do for myself. They need to be engaging enough to take my mind off things. The trouble is finding time to fit in anything extra. Also my energy levels mean I need a break but not being busy means more time to notice everything needing doing. I don't know how to break out of the cycle. I am so inefficient because of my stress levels which is making things harder.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Do you think your psych may have been suggesting "I find some things to do for myself" instead of doing something for someone else? As usual looking in from the outside without being blinkered by you burning drive I can see the sense in that.

I know, it is you driving you. I'm sure you family would all quite often stand around in a circle and say "No thanks, you go and do something for you" - all except your princess DIL of course. Mind you she is your son's problem to fix, not yours.

Yes I'm unrealistic

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

I know my psych wasn't trying to add to my list but I honestly don't know what to cut out. There are things I need to do urgently including fixing my kitchen. This was self inflicted because my son had time to help demolish the oven & surround but now I need to plan the next part but I'm struggling to work out what to do. I thought I would have more time today but spending hours in the hospital emergency didn't help & that wasn't something I could avoid. I need to finish what I started in the garden before all the work I did is undone because I didn't weed, mulch & water etc. I need to find a way to switch off & have a break but I'm struggling to work out how to do this without leaving me worse off & further behind.

As for the DIL. I wish I could say it is my son's problem & I do try to limit contact but I will be the one expected to pick up the pieces if things go horribly wrong & he has a total breakdown & she leaves him. It is not just me that fears this. His dad & siblings all worry about what will happen to him.

Sorry I sound so negative but I do appreciate you trying to help.