Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Just dropping by to say hello and wishing you all the best.

Hope the family encounter goes well. My parents are coming to visit next week so that will be an interesting time. My Dad likes to sit in my husband's favourite chair at the dining table! It is almost like watching "Musical Chairs" to see who can get their first!

Hope you manage to find another holiday destination for the future!

Cheers from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Dools Good luck with your parents' visit. Maybe you should join in with the musical chairs to get more exercise & spice things up!!!

I visited my brother yesterday to discuss plans for my sister's visit. His family are experiencing lots of serious issues including serious injury, relationship problems, mental health issues & a serious court case. I won't go into details as they aren't relevant. The result is both he & my SIL are understandably very stressed. Unfortunately my brother is a control freak so he wanted to control all the decisions but can't commit to anything. I am expected to tell her that she needs to go away with her immediate family & stay overnight as my SIL doesn't want her staying that night but still complains that my sister isn't staying long enough.

I came home wanting to run away & avoid the whole visit. I need to let my kids know the plans so they can arrange time off to attend activities they want to attend but there is very little that my children would want to attend or the activities are likely to be rescheduled to suit my brother & his family. I don't have room to have my sister's family stay at my house.

This is triggering memories of negative events in the past re my sister & brother's families & totally wiping out all good memories.

[Elizabeth CP]

I am still feeling really stressed re my sister's visit. This has triggered so many negative feelings about myself. Thoughts about no one wanting to spend time with me are common. I feel whatever I do will just confirm to everyone how useless & terrible I am. I spoke to my psychologist on Tuesday but spent most of the session in tears unable to get past my negative thoughts. A session with my psychiatrist ended up the same. My sister was popular got on with everyone & never got angry when we were young so I felt inferior. I was the opposite with no one liking me & would get angry when provoked too far.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'd think just at the moment anger could be a good friend. All the things you are having difficulties with are caused by other people. There does not seem to be a lot of consideration for you in all this. Where you sister stays is up to her, if you have no room that is the end of the matter.

If your kids ask when to have time off you use that well know phrase "I don't know" followed quickly by " You better ask [insert sister's name here]".

I'm only telling you what you already know, there are all sorts of different people in the world and you are not your sister, and there is no reason why you should be like her. You likely have a distorted view of when you were younger, many people do. I suspect you would have been liked for yourself then too.

Crying at a psych is not unusual, you have a lot of frustration, grief and even anger to let go.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix but I think anger will make everything worse.

My kids are not making unreasonable demands on me. I want them to have the chance to spend time with their aunt so I would like to be able to let them know what the plans are so they can fit in to suit their needs. My daughter is expecting a baby while my sister is here & I want to be able to see her & help her if needed so that is an extra complication.

My brother & SIL are extremely stressed because of multiple serious family issues so I don't want to make things worse for them I am scared to express how I feel out of fear of making everything worse & damaging relationships long term. Unfortunately this is leaving me dwelling on everything & feeling worse & worse.

[Elizabeth CP]

I ended up starting a project in the house. Advantages it takes my mind off things. Disadvantage It puts more pressure on me to finish it in the next few days as well as doing everything else I need to do. The house is a mess as I've had to pull out furniture & cupboard contents are sitting on tables waiting until I finish the new cupboard/ shelving. I'm tired because I'm pushing myself too hard which is not good for me. I'm putting off speaking to my brother to make arrangements for my sister's visit. This is my way of avoiding the issues but isn't helpful.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeht~

I know the feeling, you should have seen me when I had a load of marking to do (particularly essays). I'd do everything else possible from mowing the dog to polishing the cat. Procrastination as an art form:)

Actually your way is probably more helpful than mine, at least you will end up with a new cupboard. I just had animals that frowned at me.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Just as well I don't have a dog to mow or a cat to shine!!!

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth, Croix and All,

Procrastination can be interesting! It is amazing how busy we can make ourselves doing nothing when something could certainly be done with all that time doing nothing.

My parents have just been here for a visit. I tried to make the most of the time even if it did mean fake smiles to help me feel better inside.

Tried to find the good in the not always so pleasant moments.

Hope you manage okay when you have your sister visiting Elizabeth.

My Mum used to make comparisons between myself and my sisters, I decided there was nothing I could do with her opinions, all I had to be concerned about were my own thoughts about me. I was not them and never could be. Me, well I am me and that is the only person I can be!

Cheers from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Dools I'm sorry you struggle with your family so much. I admire the way you make the most out of even difficult situations. I feel guilty because I have no excuse. I had good supportive parents who loved us equally for who we were.

I have come down with a bad cold and my back is sore. I've obviously pushed myself too far & I'm now paying for it. I'm worried about giving the cold to my husband. If he gets it he could end up really sick. It was a mild col which led to pneumonia which became life threatening

Im trying to take things easy to give myself chance to recover but it is frustrating as there is so much I need to do.

Hi Elizabeth, Croix and All,

Procrastination can be interesting! It is amazing how busy we can make ourselves doing nothing when something could certainly be done with all that time doing nothing.

My parents have just been here for a visit. I tried to make the most of the time even if it did mean fake smiles to help me feel better inside.

Tried to find the good in the not always so pleasant moments.

Hope you manage okay when you have your sister visiting Elizabeth.

My Mum used to make comparisons between myself and my sisters, I decided there was nothing I could do with her opinions, all I had to be concerned about were my own thoughts about me. I was not them and never could be. Me, well I am me and that is the only person I can be!

Cheers from Dools