Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[blondguy]

Hi Elizabeth

Im sorry that I havent been on your thread for a while...a long while

You are stronger than I am especially with having the willpower to do that bushwalk!! I really dont know understand where you summon the strength from...(I am envious)

In form 6.....(Year 12) I had an elective subject I chose...psychology...

The lecturer started our first class with one simple statement which stuck in my head since he said it in 1977...

He mentioned " People dont know how to do nothing anymore" I was pre anxiety at the time but it has stuck with me. I too have difficulty 'sitting still' sometimes. My lecturer was discussing the mental health benefits of doing 'nothing' instead of constant occupation

I am still working on it but slowly getting there

Just sharing if thats okay Elizabeth 🙂

Paul

[PamelaR]

Hiya Croix, Elizabeth, Paul...

And everyone else out there who wants to join this thread.

Croix - just saw your response to me. LOL. Don't know how or why I've missed it. Glad to see you here.

Elisabeth - doing nothing is my life. While I've worked all my life, i've always wanted to do nothing. Since retiring. I've done a bit, but i've done a lot of doing nothing. I think this is causing me my anxiety at the moment. But since I've had a change in thyroid medication I'm doing more stuff. Over the past week my husband and I have spring cleaned the house. Wow.... Still lots to do in the garden, but I'm pleased to be active.

Paul, I have no problems sitting still. I can do that easily. I find that is what is painful for me. I want to do more, but find it so difficult to get the motivation to move.

Interesting how we all have similar health issues, but our propensity for what we do, when we do it etc - differ significantly. Surely there is a research project in there somewhere. LOL. Very late on Saturday night after being out for a lovely dinner with my husband and a glass of champers.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Paul & Pamela,

IPaul it is not about having the strength sometimes it s about being plain stubborn!!!I admired my dad & always tried to emulate him. He was always busy & independent. My mum had a few falls & then stopped doing things to avoid falling. I have tried to avoid following in her path. My dad had to be stopped from walking to the hospital after the GP decided he was too ill to return home!!! Later my dad questioned his diagnosis asking isn't it normally fatal. The GP said Yes You were lucky to survive. He actually died coming home from hospital by public transport as he didn't think he needed to ask me to pick him up!!!

There is a fine line between doing too little & too much. We need to find a balance. I tend to push too hard & then rest when exhausted & then feel guilty for doing nothing. I need to find better balance so I can do the heavy projects that need doing but break them into more manageable chunks & be more effective at resting when required so I can be more effective. I also need to find things to do in between heavy projects which are satisfying but not stressful. My psych wants me to develop a more sustainable lifestyle & being better able to adapt to the future particularly as my husband deteriorates. He wants me to find things to do that will give me a break from my caring role. I have a habit of copng with my negative feelings by pushing myself to do things to feel successful & blot out negative feelings but this only provided short term relief & often makes things worse.

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Elizabeth, your last sentence...... copying with my negative feelings by pushing myself to do things to feel successful and blot out negative feelings. Yep, can relate to that totally.

That is sad about your dad not phoning to pick him up. Now I wonder were your stubbornness comes from. I'd imagine you feel responsible in some way too. It so unfortunate he wanted to be so independent. Sending hugs your way Elizabeth.

I like your psych's suggestion about finding other things to do. Do you have any hobbies or interests? There are many things out there to do. It's making those first steps. For instance, I want to get back to mosaicing, but I keep putting up the barrier - I need a group to work with. Well I did a google search and did find one group, but that's as far as I have gotten. Haven't made contact yet.... Still thinking about it 🙂 So maybe we should make a deal between each other that we'll take active steps to find out more about things that interest us. What do you think?

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for your reply. I would like to get back into ballroom dancing. trouble is I feel bad going without my husband but going with him means I am still in caring mode assisting him. He is blind so he can't see what the instructor is doing but if I could get past this maybe it would be good for both of us.

I also enjoy bushwalking but that was something my husband enjoyed. Unfortunately walking with him means watching out for him & assisting him as needed. I think I should try to find a group so I can go on my own as a break. I can still walk with him other times.

I will take up your challenge & find a group I can go with if you try to join a mosaic group.

My dad died a long time ago. I still miss him but he died doing what he wanted. We found treats for mum & him in his bag that he bought on his way home so I try to think about him enjoying picking out their favourite treats. I also like to think of him greeting his parents & other loved ones who had died before him. I replied on the PTSD thread but my reply seems to have disappeared.

[PamelaR]

Thank you Elizabeth. Yes, interesting funny things happen on these threads. Never mind, the upshot is we always find one and another - that's the important thing!

Okay, you've set a challenge for me. I'm up for it. Will let you know when I've joined and had my first class 🙂

Are you eligible for respite or a carer who can accompany you on hiking trips to lessen the load for you? I absolutely know what you talking about. My brother is legally blind and I have a very stressful time when we go out. It's not easy. So I can empathise with you.

Sounds like you have some lovely memories of your dad which is nice. It's great to have these and hold onto. Your right about him meeting others once he lives this world.

Have a nice day tomorrow.

[blondguy]

Hi Elizabeth/Pamela....you are spot on saying there is a fine line between doing too much or too little for sure

My lecturer was only mentioning that many people (even without a mental illness) cant stop and do nothing instead of doing everything possible to keep busy. Just for me I take pride in having quiet time doing nothing after I have finished a task or even posting on here for that matter

I find it weird that I can remember exactly what this guy said in 1977 lol.......I probably needed to hear it as I was always a super busy guy that felt bad if I wasnt

My kindest as always

Paul

[PamelaR]

Hello Paul and Elizabeth

Yes Paul, I know what you mean about having a rest after posting. I also need a rest after editing photographs. For some reason it takes it out of me and I feel exhausted. Once I've rested for a bit I'm okay.

Thanks for posting. Good to see you around.

Cheers

PamelaR

[Elizabeth CP]

At the moment I don't have respite but may get some once he gets on the NDIS. Having a carer come with us doesn't seem practical. The other big issue is my husband enjoys bushwalking & wants to do as much as he can when he is well enough. Once his condition deteriorates further it will become more difficult. There are signs that his muscles in legs & arms are now effected so doing as much as possible now is important to maintain strength as far as possible, His swallowing & digestion is already affected so I need to ensure that is managed particularly on bushwalks to ensure he gets enough fluids & food to cope.

Yesterday a tree was blown down in a storm & landed on the fence. My husband is concerned about the fence being damaged & wants me to help him move the tree. This is making me feel very anxious. It is too heavy to move & I'm worried that we may drop it while trying to move it & do more damage. Of course the fact that my husband can't see what he is doing makes it harder. He wants to cut off the branches with an axe once it is moved. Visions of hospital visits to repair injuries are causing more anxiety. I don't know where to turn to get help. I know this is a practical problem but it is causing great anxiety

[PamelaR]

Hello Elizabeth

Sorry I haven't responded sooner. I've read some of your details and others over the past day and a half. It's made me realise how lucky I am having such a wonderful husband. I've been feeling sad for you and others, and the difficult lives you have. Mine is so easy in comparison and I'd really like to provide some good support to you and some of the others.

I do empathise with you. Especially when your husband isn't wanting to face the practicalities (realities) of his situation. And also his situation. It is sad. I know, my younger brother has gone blind and I want to try to help him learn to live in a diminishing visual world. It's compounded for him because he is also going deaf. All very sad. I am able to leave my brother at the nursing home. But I still worry.

I can completely understand your anxiety caused by your husband wanting to cut down the fallen tree! Oh my. I hope this has been resolved. I'd hide the axe, saw etc and turn the electricity off at the mains. Then deal with the fall out of those by claiming - ignorance. Hope it doesn't sound like i'm making light of your situation. That's not the intent. It is a reality you possibly have to start to make.

Calming your husband's anxiety is going to be the most difficult I'd imagine. Unfortunately I haven't got much in the way to help you through this. My main response to my brother is to get angry which is unhelpful for him and for me. I go away feeling a failure. The biggest thing for me is to realise - it's not my fault. He is in the situation because of many things, nothing to do with me.

I hope you are eligible for respite under the NSID. You do need it. Sending you hugs and good energy.

PamelaR