Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,...Hanna and everyone..

Thank you for your caring posts..

It is hard Hanna...Seems every time I have mixed cycles I get rid of things..the last few times I just threw them away..and afterwards was quite upset with me..This time I decided to give them to charity...not much left here now...from the times hubby and I used to go to the markets...I remember that my hubby used to rip my books and clothes up and smash my ornaments ( my little treasure) when he got angry...Now I’m doing it, but not out of anger..More to clear out the junk in my head...idk..maybe getting rid of them will help with my healing...or maybe not..at least it saves a lot of work dusting them...

I did finish all my washing..made my bed, was looking forward to going to bed with all fresh, clean linen..I never got their though, I fell asleep on the lounge early last night...while I was writing a post for Deebi...I was so tired...

Afternoon tea was nice with Betty yesterday...We sat outside and chattered about our furs...She has Kya’s daughter...one year younger then Ebony...Sam is so lucky having children to play with..There are only 9 children in town and they live on the other side of the highway...and are all early teens...

Today...I cant feel or heart my heart...it’s back to normal, which I am grateful for...I need to go into the next town for some water...Maybe I’ll go around lunch time...I think I will take some stale bread and feed the ducks that swim in the little river at the back of town..if it’s deserted...it usually is through the week....

Deebi..I’ll pop into your today..once I finish the post I started last night...If you don’t mind...pop on the kettle bbff...and um if you don’t mind a yummy caramel slice or vanilla slice would be so nice to go with a cuppa 😂..Love you dearest Deebi...💜🐻🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋🕊..

sending my love, hugs and care to everyone..💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱..

[monkey_magic]

A huge good morning to you Grandy and all,

I'm happy to hear that the 💓 heart has returned to normal. Must be scary when it plays up.

When I've cleared out some of my things I've found it is hard to do but also liberating for the mind. Once I threw out things I wasn't ready to part with and that didn't feel very good. Lesson learnt there.

I prob need to do a clear out atm. Lots of stuff I don't use.

My dad used to smash up our things when we were kids. He had anger issues. It takes a horrible person to do something like that. I still remember my brother crying.

On a lighter topic, I've been noticing lots of 🐦 birdlife now that it's spring where I live. Pesky crows are digging out the soil from pots in our backyard though. Prob looking for worms.

I'm about to leave to look at cars. Really want a new one ( well, it will be a used car)..better than my 20 yr old car.

Caught the train to and from work y'day and gosh it was a long trip. Wish I didn't live so far from work. We can work from home but I don't find it that motivating at all. If I go into the office I find it easier to be productive.

Hope you enjoy this glorious day Grandy,

Lots of love,
🙉

[Ggrand]

Hello Magic...waves Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👋..and everyone..🤗.

I had the ornaments and dolls for so many years..and they were older then me..I love antiques...I seem to do stupid things when I’m really down..don’t know why..maybe thinking if I get rid of them, it will clear up my brain...I never really looked at them..they needed constant dusting..idk...I will feel better about it as time passes by...

So many times..my books, clothes, and personal little treasure got ripped up or broken...How a person can do that to another person is way beyond my comprehension...I suppose if it wasn’t my things getting broken etc..it might have been me...He was like he was posed by a monster...I used to tell him to stop...so much broken hearted tears would fall...He was cold towards tears...even if the children cried...he didn’t care...He had no feelings at all...at times...

Moving on now...I drove into town to get some water..and fed the 🦆 ducks..they are cute they way the little ones follow mum and dad around everywhere....I stayed only half hour or so...then went home and slept a bit...

I hope you get the loan Magic..you deserve to have some happiness with what you’ve been going through...

Kind and caring thoughts with some hugs.🤗..and love 💕.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovely people 👋

Hi darlin wow what a relief that must be your heart being in sync again geesh it must be awful to go through.

I imagine that'd knock you for a six too lovely. Rest up beautiful. We'll look after the gorgeous furs and cook tea which will be a tad late oops around 11pm I'm doing Silverside and of course an arvo sleep meant late start to cooking.

Glad you had a nice time with Betty. She sounds like a good lady and you to her always a great friend.
I love she had her own mind and stood by you. Clearly a good judge of character as I believe you are.

Can't stand how you've been treated 😠 I too can't understand cruel nasty behaviour. Evil!
I stand by saying you won Grandy because they didn't change or corrupt your beautiful kind soul.
That takes enormous strength of character dear lady loved by many 🤗

How gorgeous the Ducks 🦆
They're sweet aren't they just quietly doing their own thing not bothering anyone.
It is cute how they follow.
There's a serenity about them.

I hope as time moves on that you do feel better about the ornaments darlin. I think mania helps us do things we've wanted to do but no motivation until then.

You did so well with the washing and fresh sheets is nice isnt it.
I have a major load well a few actually. I'll get there when it happens.
Dear darling carries it up and we hang it together. Shared line but ok.

I hope your day was good lovely one. That sunrise sounds awesome and you got photos nice going hun.
Adore the loves were either side of you. Dear little darlings 🐩🐶

Got my MRI tomoz huns. 😅 was just remembering that time you jumped in with me. You're so gorgeous I love you so much dear girl.

Oh Grandy pubAok lysvm yAdimh swod honey.
Always best of bbffs 👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🗯👀🤝 need you always lovely lady 😚

Hoping everyones days have been good.
Lights there we just have to see it sometimes.
🍃

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (& Deebi, Magic, Paws...)

I thew out chinaware - beautiful ornaments - that had belonged to my mother Grandy because I didn't really want to keep them on display where I lived and couldn't cope with packing them up and moving them as I've moved so often... it was hard when I gave them away at the time, but since then I've never missed them... I kept a couple of things that were meaningful for me...and knew my mother would have understood...so I think in a little while you won't be thinking about the things you got rid of and you'll be relieved they aren't there any more...

So glad you went and fed the ducks, that's lovely and calming... wishing you sweet dreams...and warmest wishes to Deebie, Magic, everyone... thinking of you all... xoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Hi Deebie, Grandy, Paws...

Just popped by to say hello, I hope everyone is OK... fluffy hugs from little Sam xoxoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Hanna and everyone....🤗..

Thank you for your understanding and caring posts..

I was disappointed again on Friday..as my supposed walk turned out to be cuppa tea at mine...During our cuppa, supporter asked me if I would like a walk around the Sport and recreation at the state park on Monday...I said yes...She picked me up at 2 pm...We went to S&R only to find it shut to the public...We then went for a drive to the arboretum and drove around the tracks there....We followed the signs to the look out their...Wow it was beautiful, in the not so far distance we could see the dam, it looked so peaceful...We got out of the car and sat on the bench chairs they had there....I felt so connected to it..like it was hypnotising me...I had to force myself away from it..it just felt like I belonged there...We were the only ones at the arboretum...

I’m okay about the ornaments and dolls..Still hurts a bit..the hurts going away slowly. It felt like giving a part of who I was away....Some were good memories..then again some, well a lot of them were bad/sad memories, after my husband took over my hobby...I needed to get rid of them..sigh..

I’m doing okay...We have a rather bad storm here right now....that I’m not liking very much at all...neither do my furs..so we’re all huddled up together on the lounge...and we also had a strong wind warning of 100 kilometres an hour wind gusts...they scare me...

I hope everyone reading is doing better then okay..and being kind to yourselves...

Sending my love, care and hugs to all you beautiful people..💜🦋🤗...

Very big love to you my bbff...pubaok..yadimh and 💭 24/7..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🐻🤗🕊🌱...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌈🌸🌹🦄..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweet Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi Hannah and everyone 👋

And again no Friday walk Grandy, don't blame you being disappointed.
Happy though that sounded so good at that place. Love that you felt so connected. I wonder what it was. Really good whatever it was. Maybe she could take you there more regularly hun.

Good on you darl I'm glad it's not hurting as much about the ornaments. Sounds like there's some healing going on which is fantastic.

Hope the storms finished hun. They're frightening aren't they. Love you all snuggled on the lounge looking after eachother.

Darlin I started then thought no I'll mention it to you here and now have forgotten ...aha and just thought of it again woo hoo.
Have you considered writing fantasy and beautiful stories like the rain one you did at mine for people. Someone could do beautiful illustrations of Fairies Dragons Pixies bubbles etc kids would love this stuff along with adults. It's such a beautiful escape.
You're very good at that beautiful lady 😊 Could make little books.

Think we'll be changing to summer sheets very soon too darlin. We didnt have much of a winter. Blaghh now the heats going to sneaky up on us.

Leaving you a large dose of 🌞 sunlight
Mixed with a few 🌈's
Followed by millions of gorgeous ✨
A glorious sun shower 🌦 to cool it down
A whopping dose of 🔥 to use against beasty
All mixed with massive love 💜
Untold 😂
Deep care
Eternal bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩
With superglued 🤝
🗯👀🤗😚
Oh and some of Peppys 🍫
Love you Mrs Angel 👼 4evs deeply

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy & Deebi,

I replied on my thread thank you Grandy for coming by... and Deebi you are always welcome too... Grandy where you went sounds beautiful do ask your supporter to take you there again while the weather is not too hot... Spring is lovely...

How do you fill in the long hot summer days Grandy - I am dreading them... I am used to having the sea and Mr Sam to have a swim.. I didn't realise how much we would miss the sea... the summer days are looking endless... I dread daylight saving..

You are doing so well there, sending warmest big hugs xoxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone...

Thank you for your lovely posts..

Tuesday at work was okay..The newbie girl popped in and told us she is not coming back as she is moving...Betty told the boss that she is finishing at Christmas....So very sad about that..but happy that she is looking after her health she is unstable on her legs... I will be placed out the front and serving customers after Christmas...starting to learn the till next month...I’m thinking of leaving at Christmas..

Paws..I dislike summer here, it is so hot and my home is like an oven switched on low all day...daylight savings makes it worse...I spend most of my days just laying around..after I do what’s needed to be done as early as I can, it’s too hot to move around until late evening/early night...It’s so hard to keep my fur babies cool...I do freeze a 3 litre ice cream container at night and place in their water bowl in the afternoon..Also I put sun block curtains all around...My back wall..is made up of 4 door panels of glass top which are sliding glass doors..then also big double aluminium windows as well....The back rooms get extremely hot...Kitchen, Dining rooms, laundry and bathroom...are all hot enough for a steam bath...🥵😂

Deebi...I loved the huge dose of sunlight 🌞mixed with our good fun times...good memories thank you....😊..

Oh no..I am not good enough for stories..I only fantasise when I’m looking for an escape out of my mind...or for people I love and try to get them out of their bads as well..I can’t get into them unless I’m really struggling...More of a coping tool I need sometimes...Thank you for your suggestion..it means a lot to me...

I hope she does take me again...I know the way to the arboretum, but not to the lookout, their are so many twisty dirt track we drove along...easy to get lost... the Bush is too thick too walk through..plus would be many snakes 🐍 slizzering around in the underbrush...

Well the day is nearly over..I hope you all had a good day today..

Big love Deebi..💜🐻🤗🌹🦋..

Love and hugs to everyone..💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱