Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....and everyone...🤗.

First time I ever had a chia latte...yes very yummy...Going to have another one tomorrow after my Cat scan...I have to fast from midnight ..ooh how am I going to be able to not have a hot cup of tea in the morning...it’s so cold here, especially mornings..

VS..is bringing to my memory things I have totally blocked out...Honestly don’t want to talk about those things...To ashamed to...My secrets will remain my secrets...She is a very caring and compassionate therapist and I like her very much....just not ready yet, maybe never will be ready to disclose those deep scars..

Was/am a bit disappointed with ED and his family...they went on a Snow play day on Saturday...that’s okay, that’s good....I hope they enjoyed themselves....What hurts is that they ended up only 1.5 hours from mine....Obviously 1.5 hours too much extra...If I knew I would have driven out to meet them...Feeling a bit sad about it all...anyway I suppose that’s the life of a lot of mothers as well as me...and we have to try to accept it that way....

Yesterday and today..real feel temp. has been -1. To cold to even venture outside, with the icy winds...I can’t close my bedroom window properly...It’s okay I’m warm enough in bed..the wind makes a howling sound as it comes through the little gap...very eerie sounding..and comforting at the same time...

Going to have my last cuppa tea for 12 hours soon..or maybe I’ll set the alarm for 11.30pm..so I can have another one 😂😂...Where there’s a will there’s a way...hardest bit is drinking a litre of water before 8am...then holding until 9:30am....Hmmm...over 1 hours drive on bumpy country roads...Yea for sure!!.

Absolutely.....bbff 4eva...24/7...Love and 💭 of you..🦋💜🧸🤗..

Sending My Care and kindness to everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🕊🌱🌛..

[Ggrand]

Hello Magic..

Thank you for being happy and proud..

My therapist is really a lovely, caring, gentle and compassionate person..I am so lucky that VS assigned her to help me...

The way she is explaining about the different ways that people think, has really opened my eyes to how very naive I am with my thinking and living...and how hard it’s going to be to change these learned ways.....Some things she said doesn’t make any sense to me..

Yes Magic...Each day we wake up is a new beginning to a new life, for us to enjoy the day...I hope your enjoying your days Dear Magic...and everyone...

Sending my care and kind thoughts..🕊🌱🌹🧸💜..everyone.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🌈🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi Mrs gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies out there 🤗

Yip my first chai latte was in the last few yrs. Until you said I'd forgotten all about them.
I'll have when I'm at a coffee shop.
Nice huns that's something to look forward to after.
Every good bbff wish for the results we want beautiful lady 🤗 Hope you're not too anxious about them.

Yeh fasting I'm ok with but the tonne of waters a curse isn't it. Ooh ahh bumpy Rd not easy. Best of luck there sweets.

Oh Grandz it sounds SO terribly hard darlin the VC geez I wish I could comfort you in rl.
I'm so happy you have some very good help especially with the horrors you've been through.

Completely understandable that you're not ready yet. Were you able to tell her that sweetyheart 🤗
I remember you saying there were things you'll hold forever 💗

Grandy love this might be the most sensitive fragile area I've ever spoken to you about.
I think lovey it might be the release you need especially with this lovely lady when you're ready. In your own time love.
It's poison fermenting inside honey and has for yrs and yrs eating away at you.

It and all your pain as you're doing and being so incredibly brave needs out dear friend 🤗
Again I hope you don't feel like telling me to pull my head in. You know it's out of pure love for you dear lady.

It's so awful how some kids treat and hurt their parents.
I'm sorry for your pain Grandy really am.

😆 loven the 11.30 pm cuppa 😁 down the hatch it goes then pop it in your memory bank my love for the morning.

True each day we wake is a
new beginning 🌱 for a new life.

Hope your day improves after the scans.
Enjoy that chai latte ☕ gorgeous.

You're amazing Grandy. You really are.
Love you so much.
Breaks my heart not being able to help you in rl. Swod lovey 😢
As you've said true at least we have here to which I'm eternally grateful and for your amazing friendship 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝☕🌞🍃

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy,

It's excellent you're therapist has a lot of good qualities. They have to for therapy to be effective I'd say.

I agree with DB, everything within has to come out to experience true freedom. As long as it doesn't cause further harm by talking about those things.

I can hear the birds chirping and it's a nice sunny day here. Hopefully you have some good weather your way.

I have a belly full of pizza and just not sure of what I feel like doing today. Oh well.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

It's good to hear that you like your therapist. It's hard talking about things we have kept buried deep & having someone we feel we can trust is important. Lass it can be hard to take in everything the counsellor says during the appointment & sometimes we only realise later that there were things they said we weren't sure about. Perhaps you might find it helpful to write down things you aren't clear about so you can remember to ask her about them at your next appointment.

I hope your bladder behaved itself on the bumpy drive. 😂 Fasting is bad enough (I'm a grumpy bunny in the morning if I don't get my morning cuppa) but I think having to have a full bladder as well is just plain mean.

I have to confess I had to google chai latte as I had no idea what one was. It has a lot of ingredients I think you are very daring trying it.

You have had a long day, so snuggle up with your furs in the warm.

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deeb👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Magic, Paws 🐾..and all...🤗..

Thank you everyone for your posts..

Now I need to wait until my Dr. gets the results... a little bit afraid of what it is... Just knowing that something is growing inside me..seems to freak me out a bit..nah not going to worry about it...Work tomorrow will keep me busy...a little early birthday celebration tomorrow at work for morning tea...Betty’s birthday on Thursday..she turns 79..Having a yummy cake 🎂 and tea...

Deebi....I know that you speak out of love and care for me...I respect you so much.... Somethings are just way too hard to talk about...I remember my first psychologist when I said something really bad...the way she looked at me made me feel such a coward and a bad person...then she continually cancelling my appointments...I promised myself that I would lock that away with a few other things and never disclose to anyone ever again....idk what to do....maybe later on if I feel I can trust her...So very hard for me to put my trust into people...in r/l...

Magic..I am very lucky to get this therapist...She is not like clinical psychologist at all...she councils people who have been victims of crimes done against them...She knows how to dig deep without me actually knowing it....but she also knows when to stop and how to calm me as well...

Paws...Thank you I might write them out next time and ask her at the following appt...I love my morning cuppa tea very much..and the 2nd cup just as much..Not a fan of drinking a litre of cold water..in half an hour..then holding it for 2 hours...I felt ever single bump S drove over..I didn’t realise their was so many..😂😂...

I have no idea what is in a Chai latte, I can taste cinnamon...and lots of yumminess..Maybe better I don’t know what else goes in it..our minds can change our taste buds when we know to much...😂..

Same bbff..swod....always deep love and care Deebi...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧸🤗💜🦋🕊..

Sending My Care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌹🌱..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (and wave to everyone!)

I hope everything goes OK with your dear lady, and that you have a nice cuppa and cake tomorrow.

I once told a psychologist something very very hard to tell anyone about, and she never wanted to see me again either - she used to ring just before the appointment to say she felt sick and couldn't keep it, or some other reason I couldn't go. I didn't trust anyone ever again after that!

Hard to believe we both had this experience. Wanted to let you know you're not alone having that experience...

Sending hugs and warm soft fluffy hugs from my fur little Sam xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Mrs Beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 hey all ☺

Yay hun another test out the way.
Yes a couple in a row with outs can be a bit much can't it.
One thing is you know them at work so hoping not so stressful.
Go easy there lovey if you can cause it aggravates your hips not good at all.

Good attitude that you have work to focus on. I hope it's not too long a wait for results beautiful.

Darlin something that I hope can help you is either way from the results what they do potentially could relieve you of the nagging strong pain you've had for yrs I think. Freedom.

Hard as but try not to let beasty stress you out.
Challenge [IT's] 🤗 nags hun.

If we listen only to the initial negative thought we accept it and feel it which takes us down.

If we challenge it by allowing opposite thoughts it can help us rationalise and calm.
Kinda like standing up for ourselves.

Grandy so beautiful saying you respect me. Thank you sweetyheart and for knowing that I want to help not hurt you.
You're approachable. Another Golden quality dear friend 🤗

Some people including Hannahs hi darl ☺ psych absolutely have no right to do certain jobs. Grrr
Apalling treatment precious Grandy.
Honey can you tell Ms lovely what happened and your concerns.
SO wrong!

It sounds that this is incredibly hard but you're handling it my dear bbff. Your strengths building hun.
Oh Grandy I so want you to know peace and happiness. It is achievable. You give it your all. Power to you ✊

What a shame with the culling.

😊 Oh those bumps must have been a barrel of fun.
Seriously doubt these days I would have. Pretty sure back related.

Yeh bet you loved that cuppa, no you had a chai didn't you. I think it's all healthy in those. That'd be the yum the cinammon mmm.

Swod definately. Hopes what keeps us going eh
Love you deeply gorgeous 🤗 pubAok can't do it without you 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 4evs&growing🏋️‍♀️

Oh before I go have to tell you how cute Mr Deebi was tonight. We watch the Chase and Destiny was a multi choice answer...he said there's one of the kittens...ohhh so cute 😍

Nigh nite darlin. Hope the sun and warmth tomoz for a sit outside.
Sleep well everyone 🕊🐧🦆

[Hanna3]

Thank you for your kind words Deebie - you are a good friend to dear Grandy and others here. Fluffy puppy hugs to all from little Sam xoxoxoxo

Grandy I replied to your kind thoughts on my post... hugs xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and all...🤗..

Thank you for you lovely posts..

The drive in to the bigger town went so slow and every bump and pothole felt like a carousel..😂..But I managed okay..tests all done...Now need to wait for my gp appointment 15 September....to find out what it is and what will happen and when...I am a little fearful of the results...and trying to keep it out of my thoughts is hard..yes work is a great distraction for me..I am careful with my hip...newbie still not back..that’s 5 weeks now...

No outs since Tuesday..except today, I did walk down to Betty’s to wish her a happy birthday.....I have been using my pedal machine peddling the equivalent of 2,500 steps per day..except Tuesdays...It was a much easier walk from Betty’s... not puffing as much on the slight slope back to mine...

Depression is hard to manage but doable with distraction most times, on the other hand I think loneliness is nearly impossible to manage...My eldest son and his family drove to the snow on the week end...maybe around 1.5 hours from mine...he could have msged or phoned me to tell me..I would have met them down their....hurts..... I haven’t seen them or my youngest son now over a year...or heard them much either...they msg me 95% of the time...Missing 🥺 them so much...I think most people are missing family members, loved ones, friends etc...while this horrid pandemic is still ongoing...

Deebi..Friends needs to be honest with each other if and when they need to say what’s on their mind, to the other friend...Thank you for your care...Really do love you dearest bbff sss...💜🧸🤗🌹🕊🌱...Always will..👀🤝.superglued.

Please look after yourselves the best you can...and be safe..it’s important...sending all of you my love, care, and hugs..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🌈🌟🕊🌱🌛