Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Good Morning,Deebi, Amanda,Peppy, Lee and all..

Thank you all for visiting me....I enjoy your visits so very much...

I off the meds now, I’m feeling okayish....each time I’m off the meds my emotions seem to get stronger and harder to manage...

Yes Amanda, work today....MHN...oh forget her, she has better things to do in the bigger town at a meeting, she rang me yesterday...... I really don’t care anymore they don’t so why should I..... the Mental Health System Is nothing but a big joke out here, maybe I am a joke to them as well.....Idk and I really don’t care anymore, Im just so tired of everything...I am and will be okay..

Peppy. Yes loneliness really is one of the worse feelings anyone can have I think...It’s a hurt that goes beyond the soul....and triggers a lot of our other emotions to start surfacing and join in with loneliness and creates a person to one big emotional mess....Anyway..enough of that....

I like your description of how you see two ends of the scale, from a extreme low to a extreme high...it makes sense to me...I am still looking into happiness but not right now...maybe a bit later I’ll get back into it...

Deebi..I really hope you have a great time today at your bbq, I’ll be thinking of you..Oh and of course the yummy food....shhh shhhh....shhhh..Deebi (whispering)....I found these 🍫, on the lounge where Peppy sat for a coffe this morning while she talked to me...Love you very much Deebi....💜🦄👼🕊👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.. I need to leave for work soon...

Love and hugs 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety Grandy and y/our lovely friends ☺

Oh sweety great you're saying you're ok but I don't think you are darling friend at all 🤗 You're never alone here Grandy you're SO loved and appreciated and yes its a horrible empty feeling and it does go beyond the soul with hurt and stir up other pain you're right. I'm so sorry you were feeling that way...how are you today? Truth hun when you're up to talking take your time sweet.

Hope todays ok for you and no mhn, you really dont have much choice there, not right is it or fair. Health's so important in every way.

Thanks for wishing well for the bbq you're such a treasure 🤗 hope your day at works pleasant and not stressful.

Sorry I cant remember if you've been sleeping ok lately and I guess your brain and bod are adjusting to change too. Hope you're ok coming off them Grandy. Hard emotions getting stronger, remember deep breathing whenever you think of it and relax on exhale honey. You're learning so much and getting stronger and you always have us with you gorgeous. 👀🤝 u.

Love you very much dear friend 🌜💑💜🐘⚘🌛keep those positives hun, birdies, parrots, fur babies, trees, flowers, Betty, us here, our fun and love. Believe in you sweety lady 😚 we do.

[Ggrand]

Hello lovely Deebi,

I’m okay Deebi, just feeling really abandoned by everyone in r/l...and got overwhelmed with loneliness and sadness, then beasty started at me with other things....but I’m okay....The love and care I feel from you special Debbi...and the others here.....this is my life line...Here is where I come to feel the love and care that’s everywhere on these forums...Thank you BB...💜...

My day at work today was okay as well...busy which I like because the mind can’t wander away from my job...I try so hard to do it mindfully...

I am sleeping but waking through the night, a bit like you....I have no meds now.....Harder to manage, but I will manage them...just got to work out best way...I think going on meds makes my brain lazy in emotional control because it numbs so many emotions and when I go off the meds, the emotions wake up again and I need to re learn how to try to manage them.....

I hope your doing okay Lovely Deebi....Thank you for not leaving me....Thank you Everyone...

Deebi...Love you very much 🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛Deebi......I’m definitely keeping here as a positive...love being here when I’m able to be....it helps me a lot....as you do special friend....Thank you for breathing reminder, I can forget so easily sometimes.....

Good Night Everyone, Love and hugs to you all...💜💜🤗🤗nyour all very amazing and beautiful people...I can’t say that enough...Thank you all...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...

[Guest8901]

Good morning dear Grandy,

I'm glad to hear you have successfully weaned off your ADs. That didnt seem to take long? At least it sounds like you have coped with it reasonably well. Just a matter of dealing with the stronger emotions, and I know you're getting better at managing that. But please do take particular care while you remain vulnerable. And do not hesitate to seek help if you find you need it.

Good to hear work went pretty well yesterday. As for your MHN and the MH system itself, in rural and remote areas ... well ... there are things I could say, but it would not be suitable to print here. So I will leave it unsaid, but I'm sure you can imagine my thoughts on the matter. I wish it were different, and maybe one day it will be. Things are improving overall I think for MH, but it takes a long time to filter out into the country areas unfortunately. I totally understand, and sympathise with, your frustration of the whole system. Certainly they have done nothing for you, which is so very wrong.

Your loneliness is an ongoing problem for you, and for many others in this world. Myself included sometimes, despite having a husband. So being married, does not make me immune to the feelings of loneliness. I'm pretty sure you understand what I'm saying, no doubt you went through that yourself. But Grandy, always know that you have some very very good friends and supporters right here on BB. You are widely loved and respected right throughout the forums. Everyone you respond to senses your deep empathy, love and care .. something you naturally project in your words. It may not be the same as having a real life friend, but it is still a very valuable resource. Hi Deebi, Lee and Pepper! 🤗

I recall some weeks ago that you had a meeting with your job provider. Something about possibly needing to work for an extra day? Is anything happening about that, or are you okay to continue working just the one day per week? Sorry if I missed that somewhere, but I was just wondering. You made the comment that while at work, and staying busy, you are able to use mindfulness to prevent your mind wandering. And that reminded me that extra days were possibly on the cards.

Do you have plans for today Grandy? Its a lovely warm day here. I should get out into the garden. But hubby has a medical apt this morning, so the garden will have to wait until my return this afternoon. With recent rains and warmer weather, the weeds are running riot out there.

Amanda 💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Amanda,

Thank you for your very nice post and the kind things you said about me...
I started weaning off them a month or so earlier before I told my psychiatrist, I’m supposed to see him tomorrow, he will only put me on a different type, and I don’t want to anymore.

As he said to me when I told him about the cicadas and wanting off them and I don’t want new meds........”I am responsible if I go with my S/I If I go off my meds it’s on me, he/they are not responsible....because it was my choice and I’m going against their professional advise..”...Okay I agreed with him...my choice...my responsibility...my life..

Loneliness is ongoing for me yes as well as many others including you......it’s really very hard an emotion to control...I don’t like my own company.....I understand your loneliness as well Amanda, being with someone doesn’t take that loneliness away. Does it?....I remember many many occasions, to many times my hubby went weeks sometimes month, absolutely didn’t acknowledge that I existed. I wasn’t worth even a single word or look from him..I still talked to him, looked after him, cared for him....but I....yeah...I would still cook him dinner nightly night after night, coffees etc..they all got thrown away in front of me.sometimes over me....Loneliness triggers these memories to the surface and I remember just how unexisted/ soul dead I felt at those times.. I need to try manage my loneliness more then I have been... I need to get on top of it..but it’s just so hard to do that because with loneliness as you know comes an overwhelming sadness that keeps u 😭 and so hard to stop...I am okay..

I love being here with my friends Amanda...your all close to my heart....without here I would have no one to talk to...I have come and still do come in here when I’m so really down, and just talking to people helps a lot of the time...other times it brings me further down.

I had an early and long appointment, I arrived on time, waited for over 20 minutes, she was late, she walked in, saw me and said she will send me a letter with another long appointment.. sorry I’m late.. Still waiting for the letter.

I hope your appointment with hubby went well for you both today, and you get some time to be mindful in your garden.

Deebi.....I hope you are doing better then okay dear friend....L💜Ve Y👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩U...very much..I’m 🚜 you up after to come to mine..😁.

Love and hugs to all..💜💜🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👼💜🦄.. I’m okay..Really..🤗💜.

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin/s 🤗

Dear Grandy you're hearts Gold you don't have a bad bone in you. That's quite ok what you did and are going to do. What a sweety. Yes once our friends came round for halloween with the kids and I dressed us up, they liked it a lot but didnt return 😅 not much goes on in this neck of the woods with Halloween.

BB's amazing isn't it. I felt alone on fb the other day, have been without agro talking to people about it. Are you feeling better today beautiful soul? Hope so. Glad here's good for you. You are very loved and appreciated never doubt your worth my/our dear Angel ☄🌈

Sweety sorry meant to say good on you with your weight loss before. Think of things after I post 🙄 yes we could do it 🤝together sorry forgot to reply to that too.

I think you'll be able to handle your emotions cause you're wanting to and you research listen and do. You're a little trouper, you make me so proud 🤗. Liking your reasoning how meds worked.

Work being busy yes it helps scare beasty off doesn't it. No room for IT's negatives.

It's you I should be thanking always being by my side darling Grandy. You're an amazing lady and incredible friend. Love you very much floss 💜🤝
This is a pweddy one
🌜💑🌛 You did it today. Nice one darls ☺

Hope there's sun and light & 🦄 in your day Grandy, have you been looking at your pretty flowers. Yes I understand what you mean about judgement with weeds.

Hope everyones days are good 🕊

Hi lovely Mandy 🤗😚💗🖐

Care about you lovelies 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Deebi..

Thank you for saying it’s okay..I’m feeling really not good but no way can I do any better....I’d have anxiety attack for sure expecting people knocking all evening and not knowing who is there....

BB sure is Deebi...They really deserve to be highly recognised for the fantastic work they do here and behind the scenes..

Thats okay lovely Deebi, I’m often the same...Easy to forget to say things at times, I know you read and listen, easy to forget so please don’t apologise to me Deebi...I’m very proud of you talking things out calmly...I remember when that brought you down, you worked through it.. and you done/did/are doing it...so very well done honey...

Ill be okay with me Deebi...I want to be able to manage my emotions and I am going to try to do that....Harder when in bp episode as you know.....beasty really yells at us relentlessly.... ewee....[IT]’s .xx not nice...then again I heard that we don’t get what we want unless we fight hard for it....I intend to do just that...

i hope your doing okay Deebi....I’m just finishing off some Halloween biscuits, oh strawberry and mulberry ice cream, some blue, green and yellow jelly...oh yes...I forgot the best of all.....Oohh i just finished doing......😅😁.....Oh..🤣😉 ......you have to wait to see that one....it’s the coolest.....the best.....one of a kind........tch ..tch...you have to wait....until after dinner tonight....Roast land...Roasted pumpkin..and fluffy crispy roasted potatoes, veggies...home made mint sauce....😂🤣😅...ooops I meant roast Lamb..silly me.....

PUBOK always...Deebi.love you...💜🦄🤗...heaps...will,pop over yours soon..

Open house tonight everyone is invited...byo happiness and joy....if you don’t have any that’s okay as well, we will find some for you...because you all deserve it so much...

Love and hugs...💜💜🤗🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼...🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛...

[demonblaster]

🤗😀 cool can't wait. Yum tea sounds devine, love lamb, hasn't that gotten expensive it used to be one of the cheaper meats.

Arghhh what's the coolest one of a kund eh. Sounds neat, got a grin across my face. You're so lovely.

How sweet an open house.

Had a nanny nap darl not long up. Think the weight gain making me more tired, struggled up hills but did a walk no foot pain yay. New shoes so comfy.

Hey saw the other day on Shellys walking thread you did a walk to Bettys, she wasnt home and you saw that gorgeous isn't it pig face, love it such vibrant colours. Pinks are the nicest I think. Well done Grandy lady 🤗

Love you gorgeous heart 💜

🌜💑🌛ohhh pweddy. 💗👀

🛵

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and other lovelies,,,

Yes your not wrong, Lamb is very expensive now..I buy extremely rarely...mostly fish for me....( I feel bad talking about..I’m scared I’ll hurt Peppy, Birdie and possibly Magic...)..If I do I’m so really sorry.... Thank you Deebi, I did walk, there and back..😁..hmmm really not much of a walk, really shouldnt have said anything compared to the others walking...mines nothing....

Ah I got you here Deebi....look our other friends are here as Dinner is a help yourself kind of thing...Just load up your plate with the yummies, then sit down by the fire and enjoy....

I lit a campfire 🔥 tonight so we can just sit around, eat some marshmallows and toast them.....Ive got the Billie boiling for cuppa and a damper in th fire....Just sitting with friends, laughing and being happy is absolutely Gold Lovely people...If your reading why not pop in and say hello, close your eyes and picture us all sitting around the fire ..all holding hands and just feel the warmth of the fire going into your skin, relaxing you, replenishing your soul with the love, care, peace that’s surrounding us all....

Oh Deebi...The ..one of a kind.....coolest...best ever...thing I just finished before.......Oh..it’s...a....um..a tiny little.. . 🎃 it has all the lovelies avatars engraved on to it....and it’s permanently lit up to keep beasty away, and inside it has very special Angel dust, that when you just touch it, it’s magic will bring a peaceful feeling which slowly enters your body...it’s great just before bed..for good sleeps...😁..

i hope everyone has a great night tonight and found sitting by a campfire with friends relaxing, imagination and fantasy is my favourite type of meditation...I hope it works for you at times...

Good Night Lovely friends...love and hugs to you all💜💜🤗🤗

Special Love ..special friend..🌜🦄💜👼💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🌛..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

.

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy, and others turning up or just listening in.

I feel very honoured to be invited to share your campfire tonight.

Aww, what a lovely idea to have all our avatars engraved on a big pumpkin.

Did anyone turn up at your gate tonight Grandy for the candy? I'm really not into Halloween, too American for me. And besides, we are too far out of town for trick and treaters anyway.

But I do enjoy a good campfire. I love looking into the flames, seeing all the flickering feathers of light, and sparks as they spiral high in the air before disappearing.

Thanks for the invite Grandy. But if you dont mind, I will just sit quietly in the background. I feel like being around people, but dont feel like talking.

Amanda 💕💕