Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy🍀 and everyone 🤗..

Yesterday on my way to work...their some some beautiful little parrots on the road having a feed...I saw them then slowed down giving them time to move...I couldn’t stop because car behind me...anyway one of them dint move in time...It was awful and I feel bad about it....Life is precious no matter what we are born as.

WW and MHN...decided it would be okay for them to call into mine without ringing first...Today was not a good day for them to come.because I woke up very down and depressed...They noticed I was but It was a catch up from last mhn visit and so many questions...I couldn’t answer...it was so unexpected and my mind not ready for questions...It was made today that I’m going out next Wednesday into town for a coffee and a walk around our Central Park we have here with WW..and the Friday after a coffee with both again in the town park and an outdoor chat with them there instead of mhn office....It’s either feast or famine with them...they do my head in so much..I don’t know if anyone here can understand how confused I get when things are being planned for me..it’s like my head fills up with trash and words just echos around in my brain....and I’m yes all the time..when I really want to say no.

I haven’t seen mumjoe now since winter started..I hope they are okay and come back to graze on the grass across from me...I miss them.

Peppy...I love being in the here and now when I sit out front and do my mindfulness practice..it’s very peaceful...and easy to do....Being in the here and now on a regular basis.means I need to be more active to keep my mind on what I’m doing at the time....I’m trying hard to do that...and it’s possible I think when we are busy..it’s harder when I do nothing..because my mind wanders backward all the time...I find it very hard to keep trying to distract myself and find things to do when I’m depressed and not motivated..I think at first like everything else it’s trial and error...I am pleased that you are proud of me...and I’ll do my very best...

Deebi....Thank you for the beautiful words you said to me...I think very often through the day of our fun times and friendship we have found together and the love that’s found us and continuing to grow stronger through our knowing, helping, caring and learning from each other....Love you so very much bbff....

Sending Kind thoughts..love, care and hugs 💖🤗 to everyone here..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🐻🤗🦄👼🤝🌛....🦋🍀🌹💫🍃🌹🍃.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

I’m deeply sorry about the parrot. I know how devastating it is when something like that happens. But I also want you to know it was not your fault. Sadly, the precious little parrot didn’t move soon enough...

I can only imagine the confusion and anguish you must feel when your MH team shows up with little warning, and constantly change their schedules. That makes me feel sad as I know you suffer a lot as a result...

“Feast or famine” says it all, really...I think the extremes would be very overwhelming & disorienting. I also feel a lack of consistency/reliability can make it harder for you to truly trust & open up to your MH team. I feel for you, lovely one...

I’m pleased that you’re working hard on practising mindfulness. You sound as though you’re really learning to be present, and I think that’s beautiful & inspiring. I like what you said about trial and error too.

I love that you want to keep trying for me, but I also hope that above all, you keep trying for you. For your beautiful self 😉

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩hi everyone ☺

Ahh darlin I'm so sorry hearing you woke in such a bad way poor love it's so hard isnt it 🤗

I really hope your day started to improve.
I know how deep BP takes us with depression lovey. It always helps me now knowing it'll pass.
With luck you're coming out of this episode.

I'm sorry lovey that would have been so hard about the Parrot. I imagine it wouldnt have known what happened. Still hard though isnt it 🤗

I too hope Mumjoes family are all doing well. Maybe they'll return for a visit sometime with luck. Beautiful memories we all have of them thanks to you 😊

Wow they sure are inconsistent arent they.
I hope that does go ahead because it'd be good for you being outside for a while and you like them which will make it easier.
Feel for you with the head saying no and that it unsettles and confuses you poor darlin especially with how you're feeling today. Ahh darlin 🤝😚
When the time comes hopefully you'll enjoy it. Hoping there are nice sunny days.

Good on you practising mindfulness.
I've found it calming being in the here and now.
Know what you mean about our heads taking us back in down times with not much going on.

We do have such a beautiful growing friendship that I value highly dear Grandy.
Love and care very much sweet lady.

Huge loving 🤗 and 💪 for my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫🌱🕊🦄🐧🤝

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

it sounds like you are really achieving some peaceful moments. Mindfulness is a great practice, good on you for working on that. I try it when I am doin stuff I dislike, I read it in a Buddhist book.

The incident with the parrot must have been really upsetting , but it was an accident you were not to blame, sometimes life is like that.

your mental health people seem a bit casual about everything and a little lacking in professional approach. Could you practice something to say to them “ I really appreciate you coming, but I would like to know “

if I am going to tackle a difficult topic I find words that I can use and practice them so they are easier to say.

It is hard to do things when you are depressed and not motivated I agree, I struggle with it. I make plans and then can’t see them through, then I am disappointed in myself and feel worse, I am working on not beating myself up over it and just doing what I can.

I like to see your progress here and can see you getting stronger . Take care and thank you for your posts on mine

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess and everyone 🤗..

Thank you for your kind words.

I understand that it was an accident...it’s just that I keep thinking the poor parrot was enjoying eating with it’s friends and the next second he is gone forever......How quickly things can happen to us....or the creatures of this universe....Makes me think that life is so very short as it is...and could by way of something unfortunate happening to anyone that life can end in a flash.

It made me think of something...every second of the day is given to us to enjoy....if we’re down, and I know a lot of us are...I’m thinking instead of feeling down and stay in bed..why not be feeling down and doing something. It just might raise our down times into making us feel better..Watching tv,.painting, reading, drawing, listening to music, cleaning... while we start doing something our mind might be meh to start with..but if we struggle through the first few minutes...It gets easier...it has to because our thoughts turn from depressive to centre itself on what we’re doing...Worth a try I think....by doing this we are taking us out of our head and into the present..the here and now...hard but I feel at least sometimes it can be done...

My mh team..I’ve decided to just take them as they are..it was a shock yesterday them coming without ringing...but I should and I am grateful that they haven’t just abandoned me....WW said she will bring the styrofoam boxes tomorrow...I want to grow some veggies in them..Haha..She said the same last time I spoke to her..I think 2 weeks ago....Will she come?...

Tess..I can go to sleep, with big plans for doing things....then when I wake up the next day...I think they fly out of my brain through the window and run away into the night.😁..Not having motivation is terrible...but I’m going to try to do something with or without motivation...I think it’s better then just laying around getting an unhealthy body and feeding our mind with negativity....Big words from me...Am I able to do it...I’m going to give it 110% in trying...
I can’t control the cycles and episodes in BP but I can try harder to manage the downers better...I think by getting up and doing things..

Deebi..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩....Hope your okay honey....love and care to you 💖..

Kind thoughts...love and hugs everyone...💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

You have such a beautiful heart with so much compassion Grandz. I'm sorry that happened and it would be upsetting. My lovely Mum felt that way too about any form of life.
True what you said hun for any of us life is incredibly short and we don't know whats ahead. That's what sads me about not being able to meet 😢

I like and always have how you keep trying and think research do whatever it takes Grandy. You have so much courage and determination its admirable.

Good thoughts on doing things rather than giving beasty free run on an empty mind. You spurred me to walking today from your post darl 🤗

Hope ww this time came with the styrofoam boxes. That'll be good to grow your vegies. Hope watermelon and Pumpkin work out too. Something to look forward to.

Awesome and so true. Cant control the episodes in BP but can on how they affect us. You're a champion Grandy.

Hope today was a better day for you sweety friend. How's the depression and are you sleeping well?

I think about your stick quite often. Love our project ☺

Maybe we can do another walk tomoz 🤝 I thought often about what you say about the healing properties in the sun and it does feel good getting exercise.

Do you think you might take the beautifuls for a walk. I'd be there virtually with you.

Love you so much dear friend. You're an absolutely beautiful Angel in every way. Couldn't be without your friendship Grandy thank you so much for your love 🤗 reciprocated.

👼👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗👀🤝😙🦄💼💫

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone 🤗..

Thank you for you nice post...and beautiful words..☺️...

I believe that we have no choice as to what we are born as...and every life is precious, all creatures have families, friends and feelings...and their life should also be respected..That’s why I get so upset when I hear the bang bangs across in the paddock opposite me...It’s sad knowing what they are doing...

Makes me very sad as well Deebi..that we can’t meet😢..I’m so very pleased at least I can talk you daily...and that our lives have been brought together💖...

WW did come today and brought me 3 styrofoam boxes..she brought my inmate with her and we all had a chat over coffee and tea...WW is going to wait the 2 hours with me when I have the glucose tolerance test..She spoke to the girls their at pathology...and we can sit out back or in another room for the two hours instead of the very busy waiting room.she said she will bring a game to play.....need to make an appointment for it....I kept putting it off....

Thank you for taking me for a walk to the beach...I love when you take me...I imagine our walk and it’s calming...I’ll try tomorrow to walk my furs...maybe late afternoon as it’s really heating up here with the weather. 🥵..I’ll try...

I can’t break free from this downer..I’m not to far down..I’m okay and will get out of it soon I hope... Sleeping is all over the place...real early morning till late morning. Just not wanting sleep through the night...

One night one week I heard a huge bang..my dogs barking so much...It sounded like glass breaking...I looked around outside and didn’t see none..so I forgot about it..WW today noticed that a glass shelf in my China cabinet has broken and is leaning on the ornaments on the bottom shelf....That explained the loud bang.....hmmm now I need to clean it all up.....Tomorrow I will attempt it.....at least it gives me something to do...

Haven’t done much more on my stick, I will again soon.. I can draw your smiley and some pretty leaves and flowers on a vine around it okish now...bit more practicing there...

I hope everyone has a good peaceful sleep tonight and has a super good weekend...

Could be without your friendship either beautiful Deebi...love you so much..🌜🐻💖🤗🌛..

Kind thoughts...love and hugs everyone..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

Yes it'd be awful hearing the bangs. Seems cruel doesnt it. There must be other ways surely.

Awesome you've got the boxes. That'll give you an interest hun. Yay she followed through.

Thats great she'll be with you and with a game will be a good distraction.

Good on you that you'll walk with the beautifuls.

Wow that would've been scary hearing that. Geez wonder what made that happen. Funny how things just do stuff. Be careful darlin.

It's so hard coming back isn't it especially the sleep all over the shop. You will come good honey I know you can. You're a survivor Grandy loo. I'm sorry you're struggling so much it's incredible how deep they can go. Hold on hun not to go deeper. Sweety have you been taking your pills? Im asking cause I know they give you big sleeps.

Cool you've been practicing for the stick it's ok how long it takes.

I enjoy our time, I imagine us looking talking and enjoying eachothers company. You're in my thoughts so often Grandy.

Been thinking of you I've been recording and watching Xena do you still watch that?

I hope you do get sleep tonight darlin.

Howza bout some nice deep breathes together 🤝

Ok my gorgeous yes I'm stoked we get to chat daily but so much more we could in rl 😢💫

Love you beautiful friend. Everyone hoping for a good calm sleep.

Nigh nite sweetyheart 😊🤗

💜👩‍❤️‍👩👼💫🤝👀💪💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone..🤗..

Im happy with my boxes..now I need to buy some soil to plant some seeds....I will get each pension day 2 bags....

Yes I like watching Xena and still do and then Hercules which is on after....Nice fantasy shows..

I have been taking my sleep meds, I halved then and only taking half...Taking them at 7.30pm like mhn told me too..but it doesn’t make me wanting to sleep any easier...I don’t like sleeping through the night....I seem to fall asleep listening to sleep stories around 3am....then sleep until I wake up...could be anytime I wake...I can’t seem to make me sleep earlier...It’s okay..I’m getting enough sleep just wrong hours☺️...

Sure is hard Deebi....Survivor..sometimes I wonder if it is was worth surviving all the crap I went through...Just to end up trying to survive my mh now... I do feel some times when I practice mindfulness on my veranda lounge...that I’m totally at peace with the universe....feels good....seems once I become aware of that peaceful feeling... it all disappears, so quickly....it’s those times I want more then the depressed times...If it’s achievable for a few minutes, half hour or even an hour plus....It has to be achievable for longer periods of time...

I didn’t do the China Cabinet Shelf today....I wanted to but...I need to sit on the floor to do it...easy getting down...so very hard getting back up...joys of getting older and arthritis.😁..

Feeling better today then yesterday...That’s a positive I really enjoy having.....

I hope everyone had a good day today..and tomorrow is better then today....

Deebi...Please you be okay...always....r/l my biggest ever wish....wiwawyip....👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🐻🤗...Love you beautiful bbff..💖🌹..

Sending Everyone my love and some hugs💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

That sounds like a good plan lovey with the soil. Be careful carrying it and using it. Some has a lot of germs harmful to us so be sure to thoroughly wash your hands sweetylove.

They are good shows yes I see they have HercUles back on yay.

Wow that's a long time before you get to sleep poor love. Glad you do your sleep stories.

I understand you feeling that way Grandy it's just such a raw deal isnt it. After the life you've had I really want you to know peace.
Really good way you're thinking. Thats fantastic you're getting to a good place with mindfulness well done. Absolutely if for smalls it can surely come in bigs too. Love that attitude sweety
It's weird isnt it when we become aware of something it choofing.

It's terrible isnt it trying to get back up I know what you mean. I fear falling for getting back up. Ok if I can lean on something does that make it any easier lovey for you.

Hey you'll do it when you do it hun. Just get yourself continuing on the up my darlin.

Sweety been wondering how you're going with the smokes?

Awesome you feeling better today. Trooper 💪 It's a relief isn't it. You're doing very well

My biggest wish too hun wiwawyip. Look after yourself beautiful friend. Thanks for your lovely post at mine I'll see u tomoz my gorgeous.
Lets hope you have a better sleep tonight. Nigh nite sweetyheart
Always love you Grandy 🤗😊😙👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫👼💗🤝💪