Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

So so good to hear from you darling. No way I doubt very much that any of your loyal friends would even consider walking away from you. You mean much to much to us sweet friend 🤗

Dear Grandy it sounds like you're doing the right thing sweets and the psychiatrist cares a lot about you.

You're brave and strong, never doubt your self honey I'm SO proud of you.

Talk anytime darlin here or mine always 👀👂🏻you and want to know how you are.

Remember our breathing sweety, would you like to do it together now, take my hands hun...in nice and sliw and deep ...thats it...on out say RELAX .. it does help, good and again..innn annnd out

Love you very much, missed you 🤗💗🌜💑💜✨⚘🤝🌛💗🤗

[Guest8901]

Hello dear Grandy,

I am so relieved to hear from you! Yes I was worried ... very much so. We all were. I thought you were preparing to 'do a runner' or perhaps even far worse. I'm very thankful that our posts to you helped to resist those urges to flee.

Well done for agreeing to admit yourself voluntarily to the hospital on Monday morning. I have no doubt at all about how hard that was for you. But we all know that it's a far better option than to be admitted under the MH Act.

Of course you're scared Grandy, anyone would be. Its very understandable and totally logical to feel afraid of what is to come. I feel sure that it wont be as bad as you're anticipating however.

Yes Mindspot would have been good too, but at least the hospital option has constant supervision, a much safer prospect considering how unwell you really are Grandy.

At least you now have the weekend to organise suitable care for Kya and Ebony. Do you have any idea yet what you will do with them? I wish I could take care of them for you ... I would love to have them, and I suspect Charli would too.

Please dont be sorry for worrying us Grandy ... just stay strong and see this through. I know you can do this. You have the right professional support now and you've grown in strength and knowledge in the short time I've known you. And you have all of us here cheering you on and praying for some peace for you, after a lifetime of turmoil and trauma. I love you too Grandy 💜

I realise the weekend will be a highly stressful time for you to get through Grandy, so please call out here if you need to talk. I expect to be around most of the weekend.

Here is a big reassuring hug for you dear Grandy ... 🤗 ... all will be well. For now .. concentrate on breathing.

Amanda 💕

[Birdy77]

Dear Grandy,

We are all behind you.

We believe in you.

You hold a huge amount of respect among the members of this community.

You are brave and you can do this.

Peace wished for you Grandy.

🌻birdy

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

I too, was very worried about you after your last post. Now there is a plan. Going to hospital voluntarily is definitely the best option. Try to have a calm weekend, just be in the moment you are in, if you can. You don’t know what will happen next week so don’t project ahead. Take the time to be with your little doggies and see that they will be looked after.

i want you to be safe, and to be able to be supported so that you can have a happier future. You will be ok. I understand you being nervous, I would be too. Anyone would be. I too am sitting with you for the weekend to keep you company and to stop you being too absorbed in your own thoughts.

Dudley the dogs.

love tess

[Tess2]

The end of my last reply should be cuddle the dogs, not Dudley them!

tess

[Guest8901]

Good morning Grandy

The arrangements at the hospital that you described on Deebi's thread sounds really good. I am pleased that your psychiatrist took the time to describe and reassure you of what its going to be like. It sounds as though you are going to have all the support you need while there, but also some privacy and autonomy. It really does sound good Grandy and I'm very happy for you that you have been given this opportunity to finally heal from a lifetime of hurt. Actually .... I wish I could join you there. 🌺

Have you told Betty about the new arrangements, and how is she doing since her hospital stay? I hope you've been able to make some plans for Kya and Ebony which you're content with. I'm sure you will worry about them while you're away, but unfortunately that just goes with the territory when we have much loved pets.

I wont overwhelm you with too much now, and there is no need to reply. I note that you seem more comfortable to post on Deebi's thread. And thats okay too, as I know how much she means to you, and you to her too. 🌹

I'm here for you if you ever need me, always will be.

Waves to Deebi, Lee Lee, Birdy, Tess, Pepper, SN ........

Amanda 💕👀👂

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Lee, Peppy, All.

Your Kind and supportive words helped to bring me back home, thank you very much...The gratitude I feel for each of you, is huge....

I can’t ask Betty to watch my dogs, she has two of her own to look after and 2 more is too much, and it will be too much on her to come up mine daily to care for them....she is still weak with shakey legs, I still have no one....

You say I’m brave....I’m not, I am feeling forced to do this, the trapped feeling of being forced to do things is wide awake in me, and still thoughts of fleeing are so strong an urge to fight inside me..I’m trying hard not to, because of the options I have....I keep telling me, I need this, I have to do this...

I rang my brother and told him...He told me to tell my children, I don’t think I can do that..I think that will only make the river wider and harder to cross for us..because if they gave me the impression they don’t care, it would brake me in 2...

I have posted on Deebis thread my two options in more detail..instead of here and I’m sorry if I did wrong...I have copied and pasted here what my psych told me about my room and my next 3 weeks stay will.. I didn’t mean to exclude anyone..I’m really sorry..I wrote that post before here yesterday....

“””My psychiatrist rang me soon after and told me that the place he booked me into is in the hospital grounds and it like a big brother house..I share a room with one other, there’s a kitchen, bathroom 5 bedrooms, 2 per room..lounge tv etc. mhn, psychiatrists x 3 for 1 on 1..and a psychologist for group therapy, I have to take care of me, they want to see how and what I do on a daily basis....that’s the voluntary one, the one I’ll be going to...If I don’t voluntary go, then it’s the psych ward in the hospital......he said if I run they will find me and I’ll be a forced admittance to psych ward in the hospital””””. 9 strangers and then new Drs...Me being out of the only place I feel safe...sigh...recipe for 😢 with my anxiety...

I haven’t packed yet, I can’t seem to be able to do that. My minds not working so good...I wish I had someone here..I don’t like feeling the way I am...I should be able to care for me..it’s just so unfair..thoughts are coming at a constant but I’m okay...Both my inner critics (Quirky)..are so slamming each other in overdrive..

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend...

Hugs and love to all..🤗💜..Love you all....

Deebi Love you so deeply. much love dear friend🌜💜🕊🌛

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 🤗

You're amazing and this will be really good for you I just know it.

Thank you for communicating and keeping us in the loop how you feel about it all.

That's good you told your brother and it would be very hard if there wasn't support from your sons I can see that.

Oh darlin care and love you so much, if you can try to look at this as something you want to do for healing it'd make it a lot less stressful for you.

You're always on my mind darling lady. You're going to be safe honey in a nice place. Can you ask them sweety what choices you have with Ebony and Kya. Before they were going to organize something maybe they can help ☺ I wish I could be there to help you and hugs for real 🤗🤝

Much love dear friend 🤗😙💑💜⚘🕊👀👂🏻🌴

[Lee lee 73]

Hello lovely Grandy

I wish I was there with you, for real. Sitting with you my dear friend.

Sending you comforting hugs 🤗🤗.

You are in my thoughts.

Lee ❤

[Guest8901]

Dear Grandy

You've been quiet, hope you're okay? Thanks for posting to my thread last night, it arrived today. I'll respond later.

You're checking into the hospital tomorrow morning, but I think you have quite a long drive to get there. Are you driving there this arvo or will you be heading off early in the morning? Please take your time in driving there, we need you to arrive safe and sound. I always feel very vulnerable driving when my STs are in overdrive, so please take particular care.

What plans have you made for the gorgeous Kya and Ebony? I think it was a good move to phone your brother to let him know whats happening. Probably another good move to delay saying anything to your boys. You dont need the added stress of wondering what their reaction may be. If you choose to tell them later, then thats fine. But for now, you probably have enough to think about. Perhaps after treatment Grandy, you will be able to cope far better with any fallout from the boys, whether that be good or not so good.

Grandy you say you feel forced into doing this hospital stint. In a way its true .. you are, due to talk of enforced hospitalisation if you dont go voluntarily. It would naturally follow that you feel trapped. Could you try to think of it a little differently Grandy? Think of it as your psychiatrist caring enough about you to do this FOR you, its not something being done AGAINST you. You are not being punished, not like what may have been the case in the past from others. The way I see it, you are now being rewarded. A well deserved reward for surviving the horrible and deeply unfair life you've led up to now. This treatment is likely to assist you in regaining a life worth living. Reward for effort, if you like. Can you think of it like that?

The living arrangements at the hospital sound pretty good, I'm happy about that. Certainly sounds like there is enough support there to ensure your safety. Yes there will be a number of strangers there, no doubt many of whom you will be able to relate to. I expect they will be feeling much the same as you - anxious, afraid, out of their comfort zone. Perhaps you will even make some lifetime friends there Grandy? They will likely be people just like us, each with their specific MH problems. All trying to make life a little easier than what they've had up to now.

I hope you're packed and ready to go, and you're able to keep in touch with us while away. Love you Grandy. 🌺🤗

Amanda 💕