Hello Deebi, 👩❤️💋👩..Amanda and all.
It was a nice night last night, but I also had a sleepless night as I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today and didn’t really want to go, because I just want them to leave me alone, easier that way then feeling abandoned every time they cancel...An early morning phone call from my psychiatrist office to remind me of the appointment I decided to confirm it and go....I wasn’t very well to start with, no sleep and feeling emotional I didn’t present well at all, he said....I was feeling physically sick.
He just wanted to talk today, which is unusual he usually fires all these questions to me...He said he spoke to the hospital about my recent hypoventalating and panic attacks, then the mental health help line, and listened to my conversation with the lady that answered my call....I was up at the lookout and a mess...He said after he listened to the conversation and also spoke to the lady and found out it was all because my neighbour yelled at me...He now says that I seem to him that I am unable to think logically and I’m in need of psychological help.
He mentioned like my gp “ect” I told him I don’t want to do that...I’ll work me out...He then went on to explain that himself and 2 other psychiatrist own a private mental health treatment centre...He said I will have my own room, no fences or gates, gardens I can sit in, 24/7 care, I can walk around as well, extensive one on one psychiatrist councilling, group therapy and so on and so on, if I voluntry admit myself....said he has voluntarily already booked me a room and treatment..it’s for 3 weeks.....as soon as one becomes available....He didn’t ask me if I wanted to do this... he told me he has and wants me to do this....and I can be forced into this art because he feels I’m not safe from me at times of triggered downers..I have my dogs, I cannot go....Not this time, not an excuse, he will organised for their care when a room is available.
I do not want to do this..it’s been brought up so many times before..and I have told him I don’t want to, I can look after me...I am now going to pack my bags, and be ready to “run away” if I have to..I am so very scared of hospital, there are to many people, I just want to be left alone.
From one extreme to another.. So so very much over all this.
Do I have any other options other then “running away”.I hate the way I’m feeling so trapped..and scared.
Deebi...Love you dear friend.🌜👩❤️💋👩🌛.
👩❤️💋👩Grandy..🦄💜👼
