Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand · ‎05-08-2017

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

Ggrand · ‎22-10-2017

Hello,

once I got sick my friends deserted me except for one couple Although we never visited each we messaged each other once a week to say hello. I have never told her about my mh issues.

The husband died on Wednesday morning I was and am already deep into my dark place now this has really Shook me up and my anxiety going through the roof becauseThe funeral is this coming Tuesday

I know I have to go to the funeral out of respect for them both I will totally breakdown I feel other peoples hurt n pain if I see, read or hear anything sad I cry

Im really stressing out about the funeral. I am not a strong person and have so much going on emotionally in my life atm and I know my friend will need my support and help

crying at funerals is expected but once I start I know I will go inside of myself and be not able to be there for her

please any suggestions to help me get through this would be so appreciated

the afternoon of the funeral I have a physiatrist appointment and I really don't want to go to physiatrist looking puffed up with red eyes because I just don't want the physiatrist thinking I'm any worse then I already am hospital has been suggested to me before and if I look like a total wreck she may suggest it again

needing some coping advise please if possible

Karen

TessT · ‎23-10-2017

Hi Ggrand, I have no advice to offer in respects to going to the funeral.
But I wanted to say that this friend will require a lot of support, which could be an opportunity for the 2 of you to help each other through this grief and loss.
I lost my mother nearly 3 months ago and I have felt the way you feel - lonely, not wanting to go any more, there is no purpose in life, no motivation, empty feeling etc.
I've been doing the things you've been doing - activities to distract the thoughts - plus I have been talking to my sister. Talking to my sister about the loss of our mother has helped. It is not a cure but it has helped take the edge off this awful feelings.
Perhaps the 2 of you can spend more time together to help each other through. It's not a nice place to be, it's awful But I am doing it one day at a time.
xoxox A Big Hug to you

Ggrand · ‎23-10-2017

Thank you Tess.

I'm not sure what I can say to you. One of my problems is communication but I would like to say that I'm So sorry to hear about your mum and how you are feeling. It always hurts to loose a loved one. It's good you have your sister to help and support each other.

Have you been to your gp to let him know how you are feeling, talking to your gp and letting him/her know how you feel would be good as the gp will head you in the right direction for help.

Please consider the gp visit. I held off for way to many years but I am so pleased I finally went and getting the treatment I need

I will be trying to support her as much as I can. I'm so worried about the triggers I will be facing as my friend is unaware of my mh problems..

I have really bad anxiety and just can't relate to people or crowds but all I can do is to try and hold myself together until I'm back home.

Tess the forums are a great place to get a lot of different coping ideas. Have you started your own thread yet. The people here are so kind and helpful and starting your own thread will alert the bb champions, members etc and they will advise,support and help guide you through the dark spot you in.

i hope I helped you just a little.

Take care Tess gl

Ggrand.

Ggrand · ‎01-11-2017

I was feeling ok for a few weeks but now I have crashed really bad for two days. Tears not stopping again. Why did this happen again. It's so unfair

Ggrand · ‎01-11-2017

Hello

no one talking to me. That's ok. I really don't mind at all. I know how busy you all can get , I'm ok

Just want to write out my thoughts and what I'm feeling

maybe it will help then I can get rid of it out my head and post it away

This morning I woke up crying. Actually I did. Been at it all day. Why I don't know but I feel so sad. I done some washing thought it would help but it didn't. So I went to bed to try to sleep but that didn't happen even. Now I'm just sitting here looking at the TV. . Don't know what's on but it's voices and some sort of car chase. Why don't these tears stop. Why did they start again. I don't know. I felt ok for a few weeks then boom just woke up sad a few days ago but today woke up crying. Anyway I'm going to bed again now but this time I think a glass or two of wine will make me sleep I heard it helps.

Really hope tomorrow I wake up even a little better.

Goodnight and kindness only

karen

Ggrand · ‎02-11-2017

Hello,

I woke today with a massive headache but managed to sleep a bit. Now it's no sleep no headache versus Some sleep with a headache.

Still feeling really low, really sad, teary, mind and thoughts going round and around constantly, just can't be bothered mood.

Really don't know why I'm on here at all, but in the hope of someone talking to me, plus it keeps my mind from running around in circles with unhealthy thoughts for a while. But I'm ok I realised what my parents done to me when I was just a young child, (60yrs) ago found or really worked it out a few days ago it has really destroyed me. as well as that it's just that if your family is hundreds of Klms away and the relationships gets strained and doesn't seem to be going to better any time soon well loneliness sets in then sadness buries itself deep down inside you. That's enough talking for today. I need to brush and feed my 2 little dogs then we 3 can go to bed for the night.

kindness always

karen

Moonstruck · ‎02-11-2017

Hello Ggrand. You've been crying a lot haven't you? Here, let me put my arms round you and rest your head on my shoulder if you want to cry some more. It's Ok, I won't tell anyone or spill any of your secrets.

( that's me, gently smoothing my fingers across your lovely forehead) - and when you're ready, you can close your eyes that have seen so much and drift off to where you will be safe for a while. Take as long as you need - I'll keep watch right here until you awake.........ssssh!!

Ggrand · ‎03-11-2017

Hello moonstruck,

thank you for being so kind.

I woke up this morning was kind of hoping I wouldn't but looks like I am meant to be here.

I really will have to try and force myself to get outside more but my anxiety is stopping me again. This sickness goes around in cycles good for a bit ( nice relief) then well you can feel yourself begin to go down but cannot stop it. Maybe a bit of feeling sorry for myself. I don't usually do that, but I don't feel to go outside and not really talking like I used to to my sons is really hurting me, I tried to drown my feeling with alcohol but only succeeded with huge hangovers in the mornings but it does help to hide the hurt and racing thoughts enough to sleep but then they all come back in the morning. I will get through this somehow and sometime soon I hope

kindness only

Karen

Ellie05 · ‎07-11-2017

Hi Ggrand,

I've been reading through your thread and I have to say, my heart breaks for you. I've never been in a relationship due to the intense anxiety dating invoked in me and I am now very sad at the prospect of facing the rest of my life alone. What you and your husband had sounds so wonderful and I just can't imagine how hard it must be to adapt to life on your own after having spent your entire adult life in a loving partnership.

I hope you managed to get through the funeral okay and that perhaps you and your friend can now lean on each other for support. Does she live nearby?

I sometimes drink wine to help calm my anxiety too but you have to be careful because if you have too much it will make things ten times worse the next day. I'm glad to hear you have your fur babies to keep you company. Give them a cuddle for me.

Just Sara · ‎07-11-2017

Hi lovely Karen;

(And shout-outs to Moon and Ellie for your beautiful posts)

You haven't been on for a few days, so I'm wondering how you're holding up. I've been away on a holiday and found this thread today on my return.

You've been thru the wringer poor woman, and it's no wonder you're drowning your sorrows trying to cope. As Ellie says though, alcohol can cause more drama then desired, so maybe a trip to your GP for a medication review is in order?

Grief due to the loss of a close loved one can seem soul destroying. I'm sending warm and kind thoughts to try and ease this distressing time for you by letting you know you're cared about by people on BB, even though we may take time responding.

I'd really like to read of your feelings of sadness and life if you're willing to share. I'm also sorry for not replying as soon as I could've. But I'm here to support you now and that's important too.

Warm squeezing comfort hug Karen...

Sez