Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[Ggrand]

Hello Chloe,

Depression and anxiety does that to us..it really can change us with seconds and totally confuse us..

I can relate to you not wanting to go and stay in bed all day.. That's my usually struggle every Tuesday when I need to volunteer at the op shop. But I find once I get there things aren't that bad and slowly my anxiety will drop a few notches, my depression I can hide at most times when I'm working..

It was nice that you spoke to your friend even if it was a short call ,you still spoke to her..

Awe Chloe, do you do meditation or mindfulness vids at all, they do help as well as distracting our thoughts when we're down.. Do you have hobbies you like to do or internet games? Sorry about all the questions.

You are doing a top job trying to sort out your mh and get on top of it..I'm so proud to hear that you are really trying your best.. well done..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[startingnew]

HI Chloe

how did you go today, did you end up going? how are you feeling tonight?

[Chloe_M]

Yeah I ended up going, but I was feeling pretty bad. Am feeling worse now I dont know what to do my friends keep texting me my best friends really worried about me but I can't answer their texts I don't know why I just can't I self harmed earlier I couldnt take it anymore I just feel like absolute shit I don't know why it has to be like this what did I do to deserve it?

[Losstt]

Hi chloe, i found your thread. Yay!

Reading your posts made me feel sad for you 😞

Im sorry you're feeling worse tonight and that you're dealing with so much at the moment.

When i was younger i used to self harm, i found reading books really helped to distract my mind during those times of my life. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? I never got help for my self harming so i don't know a lot about what things could help from a professional point of view.

I just know what worked for me, sometimes i feel urges to self harm but I'm not sure they ever go away fully. I just stare at my scars sometimes. That really doesn't help but.

Sending you a big hug, I'm probably not very helpful but just know that i care.

Xxx

[Losstt]

I wrote a really kong reply and it didnt post 😞

i can't remember exactly what i wrote but i hope you're okay chloe. My head is pounding and i don't have the energy to post another long reply.

I'm also hoping it will magically show up. Eh!!

Hang in there and please take care of yourself

♡

[smallwolf]

Hi Chloe,

My support person can sometimes be critical. Does your friend know anything about what you go through? If so, can you ask them to support you just this once.

Quite honestly, I will tell him that I am not well at the moment and can he just support me, and to skip the psycho-babble.

It works for me...

[startingnew]

hi Chloe

an you talk to your sister, mum, dad at all? you dont have to meantion the self harm just that your struggling?

and with your friends you can do as Smallwolf suggested and let them know your unwell atm and would like some support.

also please know the support helplines are there too. headpsace online chat or phone, kidshelpline and beyond blue. by the sounds of it you are still having a hard time, would you consider talking to a helpline, friend or family member?

you havent done naything to deserve it, mental health is a cow and you cant do it alone. please know we are here for you too. sending some hugs

is there soemthing you can do tonight with to help with the way you feel? talking it out, watching a fave movie wiht a hot drink, colouring in, an early night maybe?

[startingnew]

hi Chloe i wrote a post up but its not up yet.

[Chloe_M]

Hi guys thanks for all the replies x

was feeling really really bad yesterday night, sent a text to my best friend that now looking back was extremely suicidal almost like a suicide note. I freaked him out pretty bad he was texting me all night but my phone was off so I didn't respond. Texted him this morning and he was so relieved that I was still alive he thought I was going to kill myself. He told a couple of his really close friends what was going on and I texted them and told them that what he told them was extremely confidential and that they couldn't tell anyone. Am feeling less depressed today, was at the shops with a close friend then we played monopoly for three hours staight at her Place afterwards.

Losstt thank you you are helpful and thank you for caring xx

smallwolf thank you I will tell the, hopefully they will understand after I explain it.

hi starts, I don't think I could talk to my mum, she tries to tell me it's normal but I know it's not. I could talk to my dad but will have to time it right, when he is I'm a good mood. My sister died when she was three, so can't talk to her, anyway she was younger. My brother is younger too, so I can't talk to him he wouldn't have a clue. I wouldn't mention self harm, I can't explain it without explaining the whole thing with my best friend actually being my ex boyfriend, wasn't allowed a bf so I'd be in deep if I told them... Also would tell me it's stupid to be depressed over a boy... They don't understand how close we are. anyways I will try and see him again this holidays I think we need to talk face to face about how I'm going atm.

once again thank him for the support, I'm so lucky to have you all and everyone else

xox chloe 💖

[Chloe_M]

Ya know this is a bit random, but sometimes when I'm doing my German lessons I think 'this is so hard I want to give up I can't do it anymore'. I feel the same way about depression, but there's a catch- I don't get to say whether I want to do this anymore or not (bar suicide). I can't just opt out and say 'hey I've had enough of being depressed, just going to go back to my normal life'. I wish I could, that would solve all my problems, just giving up being depressed, but life doesnt work like that, and in a perfect world no one would have MH issues and we'd all be happy.

ive been thinking a lot about life lately. Contemplating. It's very fragile. Easily broken. And not easily mended. Like a heart. But it's worth it, I think, sometimes at least. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and all that. Which is why I'm going to make an effort to get better. I couldn't kill myself, and I'm stronger because if it. And I'm going to get stronger and stronger and put the pieces of my heart and my life back together. It will take time but it's worth it. Every second of it.