Hi trainer,
Big hugs to you - it's really difficult dealing with grief, especially when suicide is involved. I type this with tears in my eyes as I know how painful it is.
There are some great resources on the Beyond Blue site for people who lose someone to suicide In the menus at the top "The facts" then "suicide" then "Understanding suicide and grief"
Most of the time people who suicide will hide their pain and go to great lengths to not want to let on to others what they are feeling. That's not your fault and you're not a mind reader. The masks we wear can be so well put on that even a couple who have a great relationship can't see what's going on. Depression is just like that.
I know it's easy for me to say "Don't blame yourself" as it seems like a throw away line. If it does, given some time to grieve those thoughts may change.
Do you have some professional assistance with the legal issues and also a friend or relative who you trust to help you as well? Having someone trusted with you might help.
Beyond Blue have a hotline where you can call and chat with people who can help you with anxiety. There's also a list of professionals who can assist. Had you thought of chatting with someone professionally to help you through this difficult time? A counsellor, Psychologist etc.
Writing your thoughts and feelings down throughout the process of grieving can help tremendously - we're here to listen if you'd like to drop by and let us know how you're doing. type as much or as little as you feel.
I also think it's important to look after yourself as much as you can. That could mean as little as a nice bath.
I'd like to reiterate that if you aren't already seeing someone professionally, please consider it. Being the one who found your husband is difficult and a professional will ensure you are looked after.
Take care trainer x
Paul
