Nees help coping for 3 family deaths

[Mr. Anxiety]

Hi all,

26 year old male, severe depression, anxiety and regular panic attacks.

This is the first time I've public posted my thoughts so bear with me.

I suffered from mild depression and anxiety from my early teens, up until November 2014 when my eldest brother passed away in a car accident at aged 32

following that in 2016 my mother passed away aged 52 from a stroke whilst shopping with my youngest sister who was only 11 at the time.

And again following that, in September 2017 my other brother just 3 years older than myself at 29 years of age passed away in his sleep from pneumonia and an enlarged heart (undiagnosed).

Since my eldest brother passed away, my depression, anxiety and stress has been unimaginably through the roof, with it only getting worse after each death.

My last brother to pass away was considered my best friend so it was a "double whammy" and i took a month of work from my new job which i only started 7 weeks prior.

I feel lost, alone and my social anxiety stops me from doing the most basic of tasks, such as calling someone, getting up to go to the shops, etc...

I came here because I keep having time off work and cant keep it up as my financial situation doesnt allow it, I can no longer do things I enjoy like working on my project car, as I dont have any money to fund it, which make me more depressed and it just keep going around in circles.

I am currently medicated and have just started taking something to help me sleep (California rockey fuel apparently).

I was previously on another medication for 4 years, but it didn't work for when my family passed away.

I cant speak to my partner, friends or family because they get upset when Im upset.

I bottle my emotions up a lot and I cant help doing it, its just how I am, I've been seeing a physiologist each fortnight for the past 9 months, i feel good after i go but i go back to feeling the same the next day.

I cant afford more time off work as I am the sole income earner and I currently have a childcare bill in excess off $500 not to mention car regos due, so that stresses me out more.

What should I do? Please help.

[baet123]

Hi Mr Anxiety,

Thanks for posting and sharing your situation with us.

Firstly, sorry for your losses. I can't imagine what you have gone through particularly in the last few years. We are so sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time. You have been through a lot and you seem very resilient, brave and courageous. These are three amazing qualities to have.

Have you tried informing your employer about your situation and how you have been travelling over the last few years? This might be something you wish to do should you feel up to it.

In terms of improving your financial situation here are a few options you can explore:

1. See a free financial counselling service - they will be able to provide you with great information and possibly set up a financial action plan to assist you

2. If you are up to it, you can possible contact a welfare agency in your area and they will be able to provide you with financial relief (electricity & gas bills) and advise you on local services that may be of use to you.

3. Centrelink provides benefits to those who are suffering from a mental health condition so this could be something you can look into.

4. To ease a bit of the financial stress you may be feeling, contact your Energy, Gas and phone/internet provider and speak to their hardship team and they should be able to give you better discounts etc. I know the big providers like Origin, AGL and Energy Aus offer between 20-28% pay on time discounts or you could even set up a payment plan (direct debit) so that it is one less thing you have to worry about.

Hope this helps and look forward to hearing from you soon!

All the best,

Baet123

[Mr. Anxiety]

Not sure if you're still active Baet123, but I figured I'd provide an update.

Its been almost 8 years since I originally posted.

For about 5-6 years following, I was on the edge of collapse, there was a point near the end in 2024 where the blackdog almost won on my birthday, I was saved by a friend walking into the venue as I was walking out of my own birthday to be finished with it all.

My friend stopped me as I was walking out, grabbed me and walked me to the bar to buy me a drink, we spoke for a while and I continued as if nothing was ever about to happen.

I haven't told my friend this, but I'll be forever in a secretive debt to them.

Last year, I finally broke down and told my partner everything, how I felt, how I almost lost to the blackdog, and how it effected us as a couple, the response wasn't great to begin with but I later discovered she was just processing the emotional dump I had bestowed upon her, she soon after encouraged me to open up to her, which I'm thankful for.

Things have improved substantially since, I'm alive and well, I still see a psychologist monthly, I changed medications, which helped level me out, I have changed jobs to one that is more family orientated and have been there for a few years, financially things improved drastically, we now own our own house, our debt is fairly minimal (besides mortgage), and the overall day to day feeling is now somewhat consistent. 

We're also finally getting married in October 2027, after almost 19 years together, so I certainly have something to look forward to.

I appreciate the help you provided and wish you a happy and healthy life.

🙂 Mr.  (less) Anxiety 

See you on another 8 years ✌️