My sister died of cancer so quickly.

[MiddleSister]

My sister was diagnosed with cancer in late December 2023 and died in early March 2024. I'm still in shock and very sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. 

[indigo22]

Hi MiddleSister,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.

I am so sorry for your loss, it can be quite difficult coming to terms with a loss that happens quickly and I am sorry you are feeling so lost at the moment.

I have been through a similar experience with my older brother who was diagnosed and passed 5 months later and it is a shock, particularly if they had not been unwell prior. Personally, I have been through many losses, some sudden and some long and drawn out, and it doesn't get any easier. You just need to give yourself the time it takes to process the emotions that come up surrounding the loss. It is different for everyone, but it will take some time.

There are some things you can do that may help you to process your feelings. Posting here will certainly help as there are many here who have been through loss. Grief counselling may help in these early stages and journaling can also be helpful in processing your thoughts and feelings. It is important to allow yourself to feel and not judge yourself, it is a natural process. Sometimes you may feel like laughing at something and that's ok too, laughter can help the healing process so don't deny yourself that respite from sadness if and when it happens.

I hope this helps a little. Please feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo

[MiddleSister]

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I am new to this forum.

I read your reply a few times last night and yes, it's a step in the right direction to share. I have started on this forum and yes, I will start sessions with my Psychologist soon.

So sorry for your loss over the years. My mother passed away a few years ago, she was 91. No illness, her mind was 100%, her body was exhausted. This was very sad, and at the time a great shock. My sister dying was so quick that we are all trying to process what just happened. She was a very private person and did not like to be the centre of attention, so at the end of her life, no real details were shared with her siblings or children. She didn't want us to stop living our daily lives. She died the way she wanted. She must have been terrified at the end and we (siblings) would have gathered around her earlier, if we had known. We don't all live in Australia, so this also was a logistics story. I miss her. We were in different states, however, spoke to each other a lot and travelled to each other over the years for our children to be close cousins. As, all sisters, we argued, we disagreed, we had times when we didn't speak = this last one, breaks my heart, so much wasted time not speaking over something so trivial. 

She is gone. I know I can't get that time back - dumb sister stuff. I'll focus on a family reunion we all had last year.

I'm so heart broken for her beautiful family and my siblings.

I miss my sister.

Thank you for the support.

MiddleSister

[indigo22]

Hi again,

Support is why we are here, I am just not on the forum everyday at present but I am following this post and get a notification when a new message is posted.

Since you are new to the forums hit the follow post button when you wish keep an eye on a post and it will show up under your profile.

Family can be difficult to navigate over the years, there are bound to be disagreements along the way. Try not to be too hard on yourself for the times when things weren't smooth sailing.

We all do the best we can at the time and when we know better, we do better. I am sure your sister understands these things from her higher perspective. Depending on your beliefs, you still have a connection and can say all the things you didn't get a chance to say before she passed.

You will likely never stop missing her. One of my brothers passed 49 years ago and I still miss him. The difference is that when I think of him now, I don't only remember the sadness, I also remember the joyful moments and the bond that we had. I have no doubt I will see him again and it will be a joyful reunion.

Just do the best that you can to honour her memory, that is all any of can do.

Be gentle with yourself,

indigo

[MiddleSister]

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for your kind words. I have been looking back on my phone to find all our videos and photos of our trips away. Focusing on the good times is a great place to start.

Always looking for the positive in this sad time.

Much appreciated, MiddleSister

[indigo22]

Hi MiddleSister,

Just checking in with you to ask if some of the positive memories are helping you get through this difficult time.

Thinking of you,

indigo

[MiddleSister]

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for checking in. Yes, looking through my videos and photos helps enormously. I am trying very hard to focus on our good times. Speaking to my sister and two brothers also gives me comfort. 

I know, and have been told multiple times that grief just doesn't dissapear. It will be with us forever, it's the memories that holds us together forever.

Hope you are doing well and have a good week.

Much appreciated,

MiddleSister