My Father passed away, feeling so lost..

[harrison.c]

I posted a couple days ago about the slim chances of my father surviving a battle with cancer and liver problems, unfortunately we lost him yesterday morning.. and it's the most painful thing i've ever felt in my life I feel so completely lost and distraught without him.. he did everything for me and my mother and brother and sister, my mother and I especially. I'm 24 still living at home and have terrible social anxiety so he has always done everything for me.. whether it be just going into a shop to get something for me when I cant or coming to doctors appointments and setting them up for me, ontop of that he looked after my mother who has MS. He was everything to us, the most selfless caring beautiful man and now he's just gone.. my memories are all foggy and I keep trying to remember the good things but alot of the time i remember him and his face when he was in his hospital bed. I want to hug him so tightly and apologize for not appreciating him as much as I should have but I cant.. I just want to hear his voice or his laugh.. I don't get how to move on from this, I miss him so so so much. My mother is so hurt too, she's in a nursing home 40 minutes away until we can get her closer and i'm just in the house alone with all dads things and these memories and I just don't know how to cope..
I wrote out a letter and had my aunt read it to him next to me telling him some things i'm glad I got across but his eyes were opening a little and closing all throughout it, i'm not sure whether he heard it because he was so so out of it but god i hope he did.
You really realize how much you take your parents for granted when they're gone 😞

[paddyanne]

Hi Tony. Your poem re: the chair your father sat, cigarette in hand brings to mind my own father's favorite chair. It was in the kitchen, we often joked that my dad's name wasn't printed on the chair, but we recognized it as 'his'. The house is now occupied with strangers, it wasn't owned by us, but it'll always be remembered as 'ours'. I can still see my dad reading the newspaper and listening to the kitchen radio, while seated in that chair. I smile through the tears and 'hear' dad singing a Vera Lynn song, 'We'll Meet Again'. I know I will see dad again sitting down in a chair and smoking, singing. This memory always brings a smile

[_bethy94]

Hi Harrison,

I'm so sad to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how you're feeling losing someone as dear to you. I'm sure he knew how lucky he was so have such caring family members and people by his side before he passed. Don't get too bogged down in what you could have said to him or done, he definitely would be proud of who you are today. Don't be too hard on yourself.

One coping mechanism grieving people use that I hear works is writing this person a letter from the heart. You can say what you like in it, and read it aloud to him as if he was there next to you. You never know, his spirit could be there listening on.

However if it all gets too much since you seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment, consider consulting a grief counsellor for some extra strategies to cope. They exist to help.

Thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself