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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Cordelia101 The negatives of the past year in a tiny nutshell
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am new to this, this is my first post The last year for me I would say has been one of the toughest. A bit of background, my best mate last year tried to kill himself and I had no knowledge that he was feeling suicidal and depressed. This w... View more

Hi all, I am new to this, this is my first post The last year for me I would say has been one of the toughest. A bit of background, my best mate last year tried to kill himself and I had no knowledge that he was feeling suicidal and depressed. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through, the constant worrying afterwards that he would try again, I remember I would try and see him everyday and make sure he was alright. This was the biggest strain and I was so exhausted. Last year was also my senior year at high school and I just started university in March. Anyways, throughout last year things got bad between me and my friend, he would send me messages blaming me for stuff and just putting me down a lot of the time and this really affected me. Eventually about 6 months after he tried I told him i could not talk to him anymore until the school year was over as I couldn't handle it. I know that sounds terrible, it took me so long to make myself tell him this. Anyways, I am one who doesn't really like opening up to people and talking about how I am feeling and this is a real downfall. I never realized how much his attempt had hurt me, I felt so abandoned that he would leave me here, we were best friends and he would just leave me. This now, I have recently realized has scared me. I am so terrified of people leaving me now. Moreover, I used to have pretty bad anxiety quite a few years ago and it has been gone for many years but I can feel it coming back now. Whenever I get anxious I start playing with my necklace and that has been happening so often recently One of my friends, I first met them in December passed away 2 weeks ago. We were at uni together. This has had the biggest impact on my friendship group, in fact we have her celebration of life coming up in the next dew days. I held it together pretty well but I have my moments when it hits me like a truck and I feel so empty Last night I also found out that this time last year my best friend tried to kill himself and I had no clue Everything seems to be falling apart, everyone is leaving and it feels as if I am so alone. At the time he tried to kill himself he had so much going on and he has said that he has never felt the same way about life since that time. Now he cherishes it and loves life. But it still hurts so much and I am so scared that something is going to happen. If anything happened to him or anyone i know at this time i know it would destroy me Thanks for reading

Scared1 Lost family
  • replies: 4

HI. I don't know what to say really. My last remaining family member just died and I'm so so alone. I can't get motivated to get up most days. I feel so alone at present. I have no friends to talk with. And no family. I feel it's just all to much to ... View more

HI. I don't know what to say really. My last remaining family member just died and I'm so so alone. I can't get motivated to get up most days. I feel so alone at present. I have no friends to talk with. And no family. I feel it's just all to much to get up and function. I'm falling behind in everything and have lost all self value. I just want to find help but don't know where to turn. The loneliness is getting in the way of everything. Is there help in Sydney? ??

Wait_what It took a year for me to be told my father died
  • replies: 8

I'm feeling really lost at the moment. After googling and googling, it would appear that i'm the only person this has ever happened to (except I can't be - let's just say it's not a common 'thing'). I received a call from my half brother I've not spo... View more

I'm feeling really lost at the moment. After googling and googling, it would appear that i'm the only person this has ever happened to (except I can't be - let's just say it's not a common 'thing'). I received a call from my half brother I've not spoken to in 30 years, 4 days ago. I figured my estranged father was ill and it was time to say the things that needed saying about the fact that he'd abandoned me repeatedly since I was 18 months old. But no, instead my brother told me that my father died 13 months ago. Yep - who does that??!!They'd left it just long enough for any claim on the estate to be difficult (not that i care about that). My last interaction with my father had been through his sister, my aunt, who'd 'found' me at 40-something (5-6 years ago). My father threatened her with family expulsion for having anything to do with me. Let me be really clear here, I did nothing to this man. I never lived with him, I never relied on/asked him for anything and yet he hated me. I think it was because I was a girl. He loved his sons. Anyhoo, I had no opportunity for closure before his death. I'd hoped he'd see some kind of sense before he died and seek resolution or forgiveness or something in a letter. In fact, I'd been secretly holding out hope that we'd be reunited like an episode of Long Lost Family - lots of hugging and tears. But instead, I was completely forgotten - it was as if I didn't exist at all. Just a momentary afterthought more than a year later. It's confirmed my thinking that my grief doesn't matter, I just don't matter. Never did, still don't. So I'm lost; nothing makes sense. The grief is weird. It's like it's all too late for any of it - there's no funeral to organise, lovely memories to think about or share, wakes to attend, ashes to spread. Just more torture from a family that like to do that to me at every possible juncture. Worst of all is the mourning for a little girl who lost her father and her right to a family a long time ago - but you don't mourn people who are still alive. I grieve what should and could have been. And all I've lost in the process. Not sure how anyone can do that to their child and why it's okay for them. Can anyone make my life make sense?

blond3 My relationship with grief
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am 23 and I lost my big brother to suicide in September 2018. I watched him fight a downhill battle with mental illness for about 10 years. The effects of grief didn't really hit me until 3 months later, when something had triggered it. I f... View more

Hi all, I am 23 and I lost my big brother to suicide in September 2018. I watched him fight a downhill battle with mental illness for about 10 years. The effects of grief didn't really hit me until 3 months later, when something had triggered it. I felt so sad, confused and disconnected from the world around me - I felt crazy. I started getting intrusive thoughts about a relationship I formed not long after his death. Ever since this occured, I am a lot more in my own head and more aware of my thoughts but there's moments where I can just enjoy the present like I used to. For these past few months I've also had light to mild tension in my head, stiff jaw and sore points in my neck and upper back. It feels as if my head is very foggy and I can't fully function. I mainly wanted to share my story but also wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences to this? Cheers!

Sharkey When does grief get bearable
  • replies: 5

I lost my adult son suddenly three weeks ago. I feel like I’m going mad. On the outside I look fine but inside I am screaming. I have “attacks” of crying out of the blue. I tried to go back to work yesterday and had to come home. Everything seems so ... View more

I lost my adult son suddenly three weeks ago. I feel like I’m going mad. On the outside I look fine but inside I am screaming. I have “attacks” of crying out of the blue. I tried to go back to work yesterday and had to come home. Everything seems so pointless. Everyone says they are here to talk and they are so kind but I can’t talk to anyone they could never understand and I don’t want to start and never be able to stop. My poor husband is wonderful but he can’t grieve properly always worrying about me. I feel like I’m dying.they tell me it gets better with time. It’s getting worse not better.

Inca18 My partners Dad died and were 21 years old
  • replies: 3

My partners dad passed away from lung cancer about 6 weeks ago. He is not coping well nor am I. His parents are separated and he has 4 half siblings (all in their 40’s) and one full sibling, a he’s 24. My partner is the youngest at 21. My partner was... View more

My partners dad passed away from lung cancer about 6 weeks ago. He is not coping well nor am I. His parents are separated and he has 4 half siblings (all in their 40’s) and one full sibling, a he’s 24. My partner is the youngest at 21. My partner was the only child to be living with his dad and was there to see it all. 5 weeks after his dad has died, his half siblings have started chasing him for “rent”. They all own an equal share in the house but their dads wishes were for my partner to live there until he has fully qualified from his apprenticeship (in 14 months time). However this wish was onlY spoken of and not written down. He is not coping with this well and has since stopped talking to all his siblings and will occasionally take his anger out on me by snapping at me or being moody. My own mental health is not great at the moment as I had so much on my player, and still do. I had to deal with the loss myself, as well as helping my partner get through it and focusing on all the other aspects of my day to day life- new job, strict parents who’d don’t understand, and annoying little brothers. I am feeling so lost in myself. I have taken the day off work because I am struggling. My boyfriend has made a few mistakes (with regards to girls) throughout this relationship but has always apologised and said he will work on his actions. He hasn’t cheated but it’s small things which have hurt my feelings but I have given him the benefit of the doubt. I need an outsiders opinion on how to cope because my parents are of no help and we share the same friends.

Miss74 Loss of daughter to lung cancer
  • replies: 4

Hi im new here and currently feeling very lost..Tomorrow (31/3/19) will be my daughters birthday...Its her 3rd birthday since i lost her but it never gets any easier..Tonight im dreading how im gonna get through my day i try to be positive but i seem... View more

Hi im new here and currently feeling very lost..Tomorrow (31/3/19) will be my daughters birthday...Its her 3rd birthday since i lost her but it never gets any easier..Tonight im dreading how im gonna get through my day i try to be positive but i seem to loose control and that feeling of wanting to be with her takes over..Please if anyone has some tips on how i can make the day easier would be greatfully appreciated i know grief affects everyone diffrent but im really struggling and looking for help...Thank you

Nelonimus12 sudden loss of mum to pancreatic cancer
  • replies: 4

Hi this is the first time I've ever done this. I experienced a lot of grief and loss in the first year after my mum passed. special dates still trigger loss - my question for people - has anyone experienced any delayed anxiety symptoms after they sta... View more

Hi this is the first time I've ever done this. I experienced a lot of grief and loss in the first year after my mum passed. special dates still trigger loss - my question for people - has anyone experienced any delayed anxiety symptoms after they started to feel like they were managing the grief stuff and getting on with life. It's not like I don't still miss my mum, I do every day. But I'm not emotionally crashing - however I am having bizarre symptoms like facial tingling, headaches and fatigue which I am being told is a delayed anxiety reaction to my anxiety/grief from last year? Has anyone else been experienced this?

fred2018 Lost Mum 2017
  • replies: 10

I thought I'd come on here to get some thoughts out. This will be a bit of a ramble of thoughts ha. My mum passed away in 2017 from breast cancer, I'm 29 so it feels quite young, quite a full on experience having her pass away at home but still bette... View more

I thought I'd come on here to get some thoughts out. This will be a bit of a ramble of thoughts ha. My mum passed away in 2017 from breast cancer, I'm 29 so it feels quite young, quite a full on experience having her pass away at home but still better then other places. She was great fun, always making life a bit of adventure, always very supportive in some pretty rocky periods. I am happy that she crammed a lot into her life and all things considered she got 55+ years of good health. I am yet to see a grief counsellor as its a big line, alot of people have died ha, they look to need alot more pysch/counsellors there, still I have seen a pysch privately but I like this forum idea as its free hah. Good job Beyond Blue and everyone involved.

Darrene77 Loss of wife
  • replies: 2

It has been 3 months since my wife passed leaving me to raise our two children alone. Everyday i am at a loss. And now every week at work i keep skipping days as finding it hard to cope am sure i will probabaly get sacked. I have no friends or family... View more

It has been 3 months since my wife passed leaving me to raise our two children alone. Everyday i am at a loss. And now every week at work i keep skipping days as finding it hard to cope am sure i will probabaly get sacked. I have no friends or family in Australia to turn too and i struggle to make new connections as i have severe social anxiety. Just feel hopeless and alone