I miss my mum

[Steevo]

My mum suffered from severe depression and bi polar disorder .

I always thought she was going to get better but after a 15 year struggle and after us kids trying everything to help , she took her own life at the age of 61.

Her later life was one of utter suffering everyday she lived in loneliness and isolation . We would visit as often as we could but Mum was Usually very intoxicated on prescription medication and alcohol.

This is the lady that cared for me when I was young , she did love me but she had been taken .

I tried so hard in the hope that Mum would get better but it was not to be . I look into the eyes of my boy who was born 2 months after my mum died and know that Mum would have loved him .

The feeling now without her is sadness at the level of suffering and loneliness she went through every day .

When death came she was alone , she would have been so scared ..

.

[Lisbeth]

Dear Steevo,

Warmest hugs to you, your little boy and the rest of the family. Your whole family have been through a long traumatic experience and it isn't easy. I recently lost my son after a long battle with mental illness. No two cases are the same but I do know that it was an uphill hard battle at times.

Others on this forum will give you good advice on support groups and ways to care for yourself. My advice would be easy on yourself. Enjoy your little boy and do things with him that will be a legacy to the caring, loving Mother that you wanted. Her illness and lived experience of trauma may have prevented her from being that person all the time but it sounds like she did as much as she was able. Children are such precious things - love him to bits in honour of your Mum.

kindest thoughts for your family

Elizabeth