My Dad is dying and I don't want to see him

[Soberlicious96]

On November 20th last year (2024) my Dad was diagnosed with a multitude of aggressive cancerous tumours all throughout his body. Doctors said he would probably die by Christmas but somehow he is still going. He can't eat, can't toilet himself, can't get out of bed ..... he's barely existing and is probably weighing in at about 40 kilos, if that. He's in palliative care 30 minutes away. My issue is that I just want it all to be over. I'm sick of watching waste away and don't want to continue to go see him every week, even though I feel I should and know that I can. Cancer sucks and is breaking my heart. I feel so guilty for not wanting to see him. I just want it to be over. Why do people have to go through this? We wouldn't let our pets suffer like that. He's asked about euthanasia and to be honest, I kind of wish it could be done now. This is tearing me up and I can't take much more. 

[Summer Rose]

I’m glad for all of you.
So happy that he was surrounded by love.

The next few days will be tough but I hope you can lean on family and friends as you plan his farewell.

In my belief system, he won’t be far away. And he’s always in your heart.

Rest when you can. Don’t forget to eat.

I’ll be thinking of you💜

[Soberlicious96]

I feel like I am now grieving everything that has happened in the last 12 months, as well as grieving the loss of my Dad last week. Admittedly it has been a huge 12 months: I have moved house and changed jobs after a 10-year stint and moved in with my partner AND now lost my Dad as well. Everything has changed so much. Oh, and add menopause to the equation as well and so yeah, I am feeling so overwhelmed with the changes in my life .... like I either want to skip ahead to 12 months from now when I have more fully adjusted to all these changes, or go back to 18 months ago when I Dad wasn't sick and I was in my own place and really rockin' it at my workplace ...... grief is so heavy. I know this heaviness will pass but just for today, it's so heavy that I can barely lift myself off the couch 😢

[Summer Rose]

Hello again

Please accept my apologies for the tardy response, I have been travelling overseas and unable to keep up our conversation in the way I would have liked to.

Given all that you have been through in the past year, I can fully understand the appeal of your couch. I believe it’s going to take some time to start feeling like yourself again—at least it did for me after my dad died and I didn’t have all the other change to deal with like you do. 

Please don’t put any pressure on yourself. You may find that the “world” doesn’t want to give you time to grieve, so protect yourself. Lots of self-care.

Everyone grieves differently and there are no rules. Are you finding ways to help you process your grief? It can help to display pictures of your dad, to talk to him and to talk about him with others.
After my dad died I wrote down all that I knew about him and funny stories about our life and gathered photos and other mementos to compile a sort of scrapbook. It’s over forty years since he left and I still cherish my book. Find what works for you.

Kind thoughts to you