Dear Nicmor,
I’m so sorry for your recent loss. I don’t think it is selfish to want to be with your family at Christmas at all. I think it is natural to want to be with the people you feel will most understand how you’re feeling at this time. Do you think your husband may be open to spending time with them? I would hope his family are understanding if that is what you know is best for you right now, but in any case I feel it’s ok to make a decision in your own best interests, especially at this vulnerable time.
My Mum died in November 2020. Her death came very suddenly so I was still in shock and just ended up with the wrong people around me in the weeks following her death, including Christmas and New Year. I’ve since more connected with the extended family members who have been more loving and supportive, but my grieving process was most definitely delayed and kind of derailed by a lack of support and unhelpful interactions from less than sensitive individuals following my Mum’s death. So I feel it’s important to put your needs first and seek the company of people you know intuitively are the right people for you at this time.
If you do spend Christmas with your husband’s family there is also the option of still seeing your family members around this time too, just giving you that chance to still be with them even if not on Christmas Day itself. Christmas can put a lot of pressure on one day, so it might help to think of the holiday season in general and keeping in contact with those people who are most supportive over the Christmas/New Year period.
It is still very soon since your dear Mum passed so it’s really understandable you are feeling empty and numb. My heart goes out to you as I know how hard it is. Take good care and know it is totally ok to be feeling as you do, to cry or do whatever you need to do. Sending you kindness and care and a big hug if you would like one 🤗
Eagle Ray
