Loss of a child and relationship breakdown - I am doing a 90 day sobriety challenge to cope

[Jack_Falco]

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago now. I grieve every day for my baby and I grieve for my relationship, secondly.

It's so intense writing about this here. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'm really looking for support/advice. The poor baby. While my ex-girlfriend was pregnant she smoked and drank. I was absolutely horrified at her indifference. The poor baby never did anything to anyone. Before she was pregnant I felt we had a really nice connection and was enjoying getting to know her.

But, I guess time pacifies everything. Everytime I think about missing her, I think, she chose to abort the baby I wanted to have and she treated it really terribly while she as pregnant, then I have absolutely no inclination to call her. I just want to acknowledge that I can vent here and express my opinions, but I recognise that my baby will never be able to, which absolutely breaks me heart. I feel incredibly selfish.

Whenever I have a relationship breakdown, I quickly go onto internet dating. I don't want to do this. I want to take 90 days off from dating, and also 90 days off from alcohol. Since the abortion, I have been drinking more and mixing alcohol with medication. I look forward to speaking to you all here and supporting you too. If any of you have been through this, if you are comfortable, please share with me. I feel very alone with this. To the baby who never saw this world, I just want to say I'm sorry, I will always love you, please forgive me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jack Falco
 
Welcome to the forums and thank you for being a member of this open, kind and helpful community.
 
Firstly, we are very sorry for your loss; the process of grieving can be long however there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  It can also be a challenge having to deal with those feelings you refer to, such as the guilt, sadness and possibly resentment towards your former partner and this alone can leave you feeling very isolated despite being surrounded by family and friends. 
 
We also know that it can be incredibly difficult to share our story, so we want to say thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing your experience - you never know who will read this post and feel less alone on their own journey as also for you too.
 
We are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it. You might also find the following organization helpful in terms of your grief.
 
What is Grief and Loss?
Click Here
 
Griefline
Click Here
 
Thank you again for joining us here and for starting this conversation. Please feel free to come back and update us on how you are feeling, if you are comfortable.
 
Kind regards,
 
Sophie M
 

[quirkywords]

jack

I am sad for your loss.

I feel your pain in your words.grief has no use bby date so you take all he time eThe 90 day challenges are inspiring . Are you planning to wait a while before starting the challenges.would you do them at same time or one after the other.

Thanks for sharing your story.

you are not alone and we are listening.

[geoff]

Hello Jack Falco, I am so deeply sorry that your girlfriend had no respect for the development of your baby, and only satisfy her needs without any consideration and know the heartache you must be trying to cope with.

The pain of losing your little loved one must be excruciating.

I know what the effects alcohol can do to not only your mind but also your body as it temporarily tries to numb the feelings you are struggling with, but come the next day, you're back to square one, and so the cycle can continue, so in order for you to find peace, stopping the alcohol is certainly a brave decision and appreciate that at certain times this could be very difficult to accomplish, and hope that you are able to do this.

Sometimes when something awful happens to a person, they can go two ways, indulge in more alcohol or stop as you are doing, which is definitely the best choice, but please understand that there may be times when you may want to break this, but you certainly have all our support.

Your journey will help so many others, but please stay in touch with us.

My best.

Geoff.

[Jack_Falco]

Hi Sophie, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.

[Jack_Falco]

Thank you so much. I have started the 90 day challenge. I am taking some medication to help with mood and I'm trying. I'm really trying to live the best life I can knowing my child won't be in existence. I don't know how, but just trying to be positive

[Jack_Falco]

Hi Geoff, your message is so kind and supportive. I greatly appreciate it and you've made my day with the message you sent. Thank you for acknowledging that my ex girlfriend had no respect for the baby and for me. It really helped me that you said that because it's true. You must be a very good person I feel. You offer so much support. Thanks again Geoff, you have made me feel such hope.

[geoff]

Hello Jack Falco, thanks for your very kind reply and really hope that your 90 day sobriety will be able to heal your thoughts as best as possible, although this is something that you will never forget and remain at the back of your mind forever.

If you decided to drink this would, unfortunately, prolong your anger and only stall your way of coping with this very sad event.

Even so, we appreciate you wanting to stay in touch with us and want to help you as best as possible.

Take all the care you need.

My best.

Geoff.