Hi, welcome
Dear lady and mum, my heart breaks to hear this. I actually know how you feel as my brother passed the same way back in 1978, 26yo teacher I was 23yo. My uncle passed at 82yo also the same way. And me, my daughter and my sister have attempted. Mental illness has ravished our family.
As you know you have a wonderful son and focussing on him is paramount. Time does heal a lot but at this point, its a short period so everything is still fresh and the grief hasnt settled. Your period of grief is yours and yours only and I fell victim to others telling me to move on so allow yourself your own timeframe to repair.
To put things into perspective suicides are 3 times the road toll or more nationally and 4 out of 5 are men. Part of our charter here at Beyondblue is to help reduce this and it is a very big challenge. Being a man with a brother that passed that way plus I have things like bipolar, depression etc I can understand why, a feeling of loneliness yet I had people all around me, a feeling of desperation yet I had avenues of support and so on. What I have concluded all these years since, is that no one was to blame and we do tend to ask ourselves "what could I have done to save him"? "Was I a good enough sibling" and all this self guilt is not helping you recover. You know in your heart you were not to blame at all and over time you might accept that better.
To relieve yourself of the mental anguish you can try a few of these-
- Writing. You can right your feelings down. I do poetry and it helps a lot. Your best quote or story can include a photo of him and mount it.
- Plant a rose bush or rose garden in his memory
- Dedicate time to group therapy or helping others process grief when you are ready
- Talk about it like you are here and with friends and family especially his friends
HE'S IN YOUR BOY
He loved you more than he might have shown
Being a male who could have known?
No one was able to predict the event
And he was on his own
But he left you memories of when you were young
When playing around, all just for fun
And you were his kid sister to laugh with
Your life had just begun
Look into your son's eyes with hope and care
Part of your loving brother is there
For although his passing you had no control
You'll never lose your love nor care
Keep close to you those memories you enjoy
Keep laughing at how he gave you joy
Hug your child harder every day
And cherish your brother, inside your boy....
(TonyWK)
Reply anytime I'm here daily.
TonyWK
