I miss you

[Jackson1994]

I keep being bought back to that day and it won’t leave my head I sat next to him, I put his hair behind his ears and touched his head and i told him it will be ok i wanted to believe it so badly i didn’t leave his side until I knew he wasn’t alone it’s so vivid still i can see the pictures i put on the wall pictures of me and Mum and him and pictures of us with nanna, and pictures of us when we went on our first holiday with our step dad I wanted to hug him so much and and i couldn’t i told him how sorry i was that this happened him my step sister bought him a melbourne demons beanie kid and we put in his hand now i sleep with it every night

[Doolhof]

Hi Jackson,

Sorry to read that your grief for Tyler is so intense right now.

Would you like to share some of your memories of Tyler here? If that is too painful I respect that.

Just want to let you know that you are not alone.

Thinking of you Jackson, from Dools

[Jackson1994]

I tried to wake Hannah up but didn’t want to be too much of a bother so I gave up and watched some TV. We talked about it this morning. She asked me why I sat up alone and upset. I’m not sure what holds me back so much.

I know they can’t help me if they don’t know but I just find it difficult to tell them and like the footy club know what’s happened and it affects me but not how bad it is right now but that’s my own fault though isn’t it

i think I do want to Doolhoof

[Doolhof]

Hi Jackson,

One thing I have learnt is that no one else can ever understand or comprehend the depth of our grief. That doesn't mean they don't care, it means they are not us, they don't experience things the same way.

If you think it would help, please tell the people at the footy club how much you are hurting right now.

Please know this is a safe place to talk about Tyler, to share your memories and how you feel.

Does it feel comforting in a way to mention his name?

Some people like to burn a candle in memory of a loved one. Would something symbolic like that help you Jackson?

A person's grief can be hard for others to understand. That doesn't mean people don't care.

Doolhof.

[Jackson1994]

The symbolic stuff does help most of the time

yeah I think I want to talk about those memories

h said she’d stay home from work tonight so I’m not on my own but I said it’s fine

[startingnew]

Hello Jackson,


Im glad you have some supports, have you considered seeing a psychologist or other mh professional as well?
Hannah sounds very supportive and cares for you so much esp since she asked you why you were up by yourself, the chat and also her offerring to stay off work as well. Your mum as well, she would be able to understand what your going through as well, so please talk to her too. But I understand how hard it can be to tell anyone how we really are for many reasons.


What memories would you like to share with us? What is your favourite memory?
Your welcome to share as many as you would like.

[Jackson1994]

I used to see a psych, ran out of sessions, didn’t go back

used eHeadspace for a bit to but that was back before I went to see someone face to face, I had to finish with them.

my favourite memories involve when we would go to the holiday house at the beach

we went back on the weekend, it feels safe down there, but going back is still hard because not much has really changed since those memories were made

[Jackson1994]

What I mean by not much has changed is like the place is still the same so it’s like walking through time when he was there, I love it down there and it gets a little easier each time but it’s not hard to lay in bed and look at the ceiling and it feels exactly like it did those years ago

[Jackson1994]

😔

[startingnew]

perhaps theres a clinic near you that offers some free counselling or your mental health care plan may be able to be renewed in the near future? Mensline might be able to help too if your not able to use headspace/KHL...

i think i get what you mean about visiting that place. it holds mnay good memories but still brings the saddness because its not really the same without our loved one. would you like to share another good memory? maybe a funny one?

do you think you could talk to one of your offline supports? maybe you could go visit them for a little while or is there something you could do until Hannah gets home to distract and self soothe? a hot bath, candle lighting, a favourite tv show maybe?

[Jackson1994]

Do you know of any free places in Melbourne? I didn’t think there was any

yeah I have lots of fun memories, we did lots of stuff when we were kids, always up to trouble. Haha

i have just spent tonight looking through some new clothes I want online and had a long hot shower

if anyone is still about to talk that would be lovely as H won’t be home until 12