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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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nichollsanddimes How to support your support person through grief
  • replies: 2

I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety (GAD). I am very well now, after a long journey through many treatments and like to think I live a very fulfilling, happy life and keep my wellbeing in check. I absolutely credit my great place to my partner ... View more

I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety (GAD). I am very well now, after a long journey through many treatments and like to think I live a very fulfilling, happy life and keep my wellbeing in check. I absolutely credit my great place to my partner who has been nothing but amazing for the entire time, and been right there by my side where others have not throughout my mental health challenges. Recently, my partner lost his father suddenly to cancer. I have found myself in a position where I now need to be the absolute rock for my partner as he goes through this, whilst also dealing with the grief and processing the situation myself. I have found this especially hard on my mental health, where before I have felt like I can call out a bad day- considering everything he is going through I don't want to pile anything else on him. I wanted to see if anyone else who has mental health challenges has been in a similar situation and has any advice on how best to manage not only the wellbeing of my best friend and partner, but myself?

clovia Is doing exercises bringing out my grief more???
  • replies: 1

Yesterday was a horrible day... went to work , turned on the radio and the DJ was talking about someone receiving an email from his father after his father had passed.. as he read the email it sounded word for word what dad would say to me... they cu... View more

Yesterday was a horrible day... went to work , turned on the radio and the DJ was talking about someone receiving an email from his father after his father had passed.. as he read the email it sounded word for word what dad would say to me... they cut to a song and it was one of dads that we played at his funeral.. this got me going to the bathroom for a cry (thank god I work alone some days)..busy day seeing clients and helping them.. the only quite moment during the day I have another song came on the radio that was a song that ment a lot to the family that he sung a lot...spent all that night having dreams about him.. today I am seeing a new client with her parents only to find out that the clients mum is a nurse and helped dad whilst he was in hospital.. she couldn't stop crying telling me how sorry she was.. I normally walk each morning to help reduce my stress. I stopped when dad passed unable to find the energy and started again over the weekend...But over the last two days these seems to be making it harder as I think its bring back the grief.. its been two months since his passing and I have been ok and at peace with his passing normally walking helps me for my mental state and listing to music help me remember him in a good way and not pulling at the heart strings.. but not this week.. do I walk through it or find a new exercise to be my stress relief

Comfort How to cope without any family?
  • replies: 1

My siblings haven't been in contact with me since they each married 30-40 years ago. I'm now middle aged, both my parents have died, and my fiancé after which I felt like I went through a nervous breakdown, the new career I'd spent 3 years studying f... View more

My siblings haven't been in contact with me since they each married 30-40 years ago. I'm now middle aged, both my parents have died, and my fiancé after which I felt like I went through a nervous breakdown, the new career I'd spent 3 years studying for collapsed into a heap before I could finish. While my fiancé died 9 years ago and was really the catalyst, the grief of losing my mum returned and has remained raw. It's contributed to my social phobia coming back. I find other people talking about their family too painful to bear and keeping me isolated. No one understands the pain of having no family, or none that want to know you. I wish I could hit a delete button on some of my emotions! and develop a thick skin. I've wondered about rewriting my 'story' for the purpose of answering all the polite 'get to know you questions'. Only people with similar lived experiences get it, I really need to know how other people cope.

Legion Reality bites….HARD
  • replies: 10

On this day 36 years ago my life changed irrevocably. I became alone in the world. Without warning my mother had a severe stroke and a few hours later the machine that was keeping her body alive was turned off. Meanwhile at home, my terminally ill fa... View more

On this day 36 years ago my life changed irrevocably. I became alone in the world. Without warning my mother had a severe stroke and a few hours later the machine that was keeping her body alive was turned off. Meanwhile at home, my terminally ill father who’s mind had long ago left his body had no idea that his wife and carer for so many hard years had left this mortal coil. Later in the afternoon he was taken to hospital and after pulling many strings I had him admitted into a fine nursing home to live out his last few years oblivious of this harsh new reality. Call me cruel for those actions but first think hard about it. I have now been alone for so long. No brothers, sisters, cousins, no one at all and a failed marriage but fortunately no children.For those of you that have “family” cherish every moment. If you don’t speak or even acknowledge a relation for whatever reason, they are still there. They are still on this planet and deep down in your subconscious th0e link is not broken. Take a moment to reflect on the Christmases, birthdays and those many events that give the word “family” real meaning. Whether it’s good or bad believe me, the alternative is an emptiness that in time makes you sour to so many things, believe me, I know. I didn’t write this for sympathy. I didn’t write this to cry “why me?” I wrote this to remind you to take a moment to think about your respective families, of who you have in your life and how they may have helped to shape you into the wonderful people you are.

Mollyandme Can you suffer PTSD after losing someone suddenly?
  • replies: 1

In 2011 my mum was killed in a hit and run whilst on holidays in Qld. She lived in the same town as me in Vic. My dad was up there too but wasn't riding with her that day. The shock was massive and my life just plummeted into a dark hole. I was basic... View more

In 2011 my mum was killed in a hit and run whilst on holidays in Qld. She lived in the same town as me in Vic. My dad was up there too but wasn't riding with her that day. The shock was massive and my life just plummeted into a dark hole. I was basically crippled socially. I didn't want to see anyone for a very long time. I thought everyone was going to die so what was the point in having friends? Every time I drove my car, every vehicle I passed I would think "Is this the one that will veer into my lane and kill me?" I was always waiting to be hit and killed. I cried all the time and panicked if I was in any social situation. I had no social life for years because of it. It will be 5 years this Sept and I am only just starting to enjoy going to dinner with my friends instead of avoiding it. I was and am a single mother and my daughter pretty much had to fend for herself for much of the first year. There is nothing I can do about it now, but for my own knowledge, I am wondering if it is possible that the shock led to PTSD? I have never considered it until I heard someone speaking about it and thought, that sounds like I was until very recently...

Mrs_H Broken
  • replies: 4

I'm new to this forum and I don't even know what I want from this, but I'm just lost. October last year I lost my mum, very suddenly. A healthy woman who has never had more than a cold, contracted bacterial meningitis and in a matter of days, she cou... View more

I'm new to this forum and I don't even know what I want from this, but I'm just lost. October last year I lost my mum, very suddenly. A healthy woman who has never had more than a cold, contracted bacterial meningitis and in a matter of days, she could not fight it anymore and it took her. She was 61, and loving life. I guess there are a few factors that make this harder for me, she lived in the UK, along with all my family, as that's where I am originally from. I didn't get there in time to see her. I had to wait for my then 4 month old baby's passport. I landed in the UK and went straight into organizing her funeral. She never met my son, it was her first grandchild. We had flights booked to go to the UK that January as we wanted to wait until he was 6 months. She missed my entire journey from being pregnant, labour and meeting him and seeing me as a Mother. On the outside I seem like I am dealing with it, I have a son that needs taking care of. But I'm broken inside and don't know what to do. I am normally a strong independent person and I've become this fragile nervous mess. This is not how I want to be. I organised to see a counselor, but I've been once and then they didn't have availability for another month so I'm still waiting to go again which I feel like it's had a really negative effect. I'm not religious, and have no beliefs as to what happens when you die so I'm really struggling to find peace anywhere.

Lost- Lost my 'soul mate'
  • replies: 4

Soon to be one year ago I lost my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend to suicide, I have a lot of pain and guilt that is ruining me. There's also a story behind the reason I feel guilty. As many of his family, friends, specialists tell me it's not my fault I just... View more

Soon to be one year ago I lost my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend to suicide, I have a lot of pain and guilt that is ruining me. There's also a story behind the reason I feel guilty. As many of his family, friends, specialists tell me it's not my fault I just can't seem to think otherwise. He had alot of mental health problems also, which is why we bonded as much as we did. I just feel empty, like there's a part of me missing, I don't feel as if I am ever going to find someone that i connect with or is as similar as me, and I don't want too. I miss him so much, I'm physically and mentally in pain every day, I even googled 'How to bring someone back to life' with the knowledge it's not possible, I check my messages everyday hoping I get a message from him saying it was all a joke (which I know it's not). I would never put my family through the pain I've been constantly feeling for the past year but I am in so such pain that I think about suicide constantly. I have PTSD plus many more diagnoses from this accident. The flashbacks, the nightmares every night, the deep depression, the memories are crippling me, every second of each day. Medication/therapy isn't working for me, I don't know how to get over this, Or if I ever will. When does the pain go away?

Laura_Jane Loss of a brother
  • replies: 5

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

Budz Lost!
  • replies: 2

My sister's husband committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind 4 kids. Now 17, 14, 11 & 9. It's been a horrendous 18 months trying to support & be there for my sister & their kiddies. The eldest neice has taken it the hardest & only now has she s... View more

My sister's husband committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind 4 kids. Now 17, 14, 11 & 9. It's been a horrendous 18 months trying to support & be there for my sister & their kiddies. The eldest neice has taken it the hardest & only now has she spoken about her dad's suicide by saying that she smokes dope to be closer to him. Her dad was a dope smoker & when he drank alcohol he became very aggressive. She also harbours a LOT of hatred against my brother (her uncle) as he has a drug problem himself & bludges a lot of money from my sister (which she has stopped giving). She treats her mum extremely bad! & thinks she needs to be the parent of her siblings as her mum works a lot. There is SO much more going on. I really need some kind of advice as to where/what we can do for her to help with her aggressiveness & loss. As she is over 16 we can't force her into medical health ward at our local hospital.

lee74 I've lost Mum and Dad
  • replies: 14

Hello, Now both my parents are gone I feel so lonely, lost and struggling to cope. My Dad passed away in 2010, he was in high care nursing home with Mum (Mum had been in care since 2007) . It wasn't unexpected but still so hard. Dad was scared to lea... View more

Hello, Now both my parents are gone I feel so lonely, lost and struggling to cope. My Dad passed away in 2010, he was in high care nursing home with Mum (Mum had been in care since 2007) . It wasn't unexpected but still so hard. Dad was scared to leave Mum, he had cared for her for so many years (Mum also suffered with mental illness from her mid 40's). He asked me, the youngest of us 4 kids and the only girl, to look after Mum. This seemed to make it more peaceful for him. He was 76 when he passed away. Through looking after Mum for 5 years we had alot of ups and downs. In 2007 she had renal failure, had her last rites read to her, we were told it was her time. She was such a strong willed woman she recovered. At this time she also had suffered 8 strokes which we only found out through a cat scan. She was unable to walk from here on in, although mentally she was wonderful. We had some extremely funny times as Mum would just say what was on her mind not caring too much for other people's feeling, also very sad times. But I guess this was Mums way of coping. She passed away 7th November last year. She deteriorated over a few months, she was worn out. It was so hard to see, I was the only one with her when she passed, daunting but grateful. She also was 76. I like to think I did exactly what Dad had asked of me right to the end, he would not have wanted her to be alone. This is my first post, hope it's ok. My name is lee and I'm 41yo. Thanks for your patience. xox