I miss you too much

[Guest_30824505]

I lost my mother in 2011. It still feels like yesterday. 

 She was my best friend and I'm still struggling with her not being here.

 I want to move forward with my life for my kids, but I can't seem to get there.

 I wish I could let her go. Im so scared I'll forget her. I just wish it was all a bad dream.

 My partner of 15yrs is not empathetic and so when I'm upset he tells me to just get over it and I'm being pathetic. Honestly, I do feel  pathetic and totally alone.

  Even after 15yrs I still feel like I'm still a stranger to him.

Please help me to be able to move on by myself because I dont have anyone else 

[indigo22]

Hello,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry for your loss, parents are the hardest ones to let go of because we are bonded. I also lost my mother the same year along with my eldest sibling. For some it just takes longer than others to let go.

I would like you to think for a moment about your still feeling like a stranger to your partner after 15 years. Have you considered that you probably are? You were only together for perhaps a year before you lost your mum and you have been grieving ever since. He needs to understand that telling you to get over it and calling you pathetic is not in the least bit helpful and only makes you feel worse. From his perspective he is probably not understanding why you would still be feeling this way, often men don't find the right words but that doesn't excuse being harsh.

So I would like to give you some advice to help you begin to shift this energy. You are not going to forget her because she was not just her physical body, she was and is energy that can be around you at any time. The first thing to understand is that she is still watching over you and the fact that you were best friends would suggest she may be trying to communicate thoughts and feelings to you. Because you are in one of the lowest density vibrations (grief), she is not able get them to you.

In order for her to do that, you need to be in a higher density vibration and love is your ticket to get there. So talk to her as if she is still around, this can be done silently or out loud depending on who is around you at the time. Focus on the love the two of you shared while you talk and be silent to receive a response. The response can come in many different ways depending on your particular strengths. It could be images that pop into your mind, you may hear words in your mind, you may hear a particular song in your mind that came out of nowhere that has particular meaning. You may have a sense of her energy near you, perhaps you will smell the perfume she used to wear, or you may just have a knowing that you can't explain. These are all based on your senses, but she may also leave things for you to find, like a coin which is dated the year of her birth for example, or a feather where you cannot imagine how it got there. You can also ask her to give you a sign, then just wait without expectations as to how and when, just observe until you see something that is clearly from her.

The thing is, you don't have to completely let her go, you just need to let go of her physicality and begin to embrace her energy instead.

I hope this helps and I will be happy to continue the conversation if you wish.

Take good care of yourself and remember that it is okay to laugh, laughter is very healing.

indigo

[Summer Rose]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I am very sorry for the loss of your mum and for the profound impact her passing has had on your life.

I have lost both of my parents and understand the depth of your loss. Losing a parent is a blow that takes time to recover from and everyone is different. You are certainly not pathetic.
When I suddenly lost my father (some forty years ago) I was a teenager and I chose to hang on to my grief for years because I thought that if I let it go it would mean I didn’t love him. I, too, was afraid that I would forget him.

I made a scrapbook and included stories, photos and souvenirs to ensure I would never forget him or our life. It was like I poured all of my grief into the book and then, when I was ready, I made an effort to limit the time I would spend with “him”.

I gradually let go. I realised that he wouldn’t want me to continue grieving—he would want me to live my best life.  

I have never forgotten him and still love him. Same is true for my mum, who I lost just a few years ago.

I’m convinced that both of them are always close to me, I keep photos all over the house and I talk to them when I feel the need.

Please, be kind to yourself. 
Kind thoughts to you

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that challenges you so incredibly deeply. I wish there was something I could say that could lead you to feel lighter and offer you more relief than you could imagine. My heart goes out to you so much and I wish I was there sitting beside you, encouraging you to fully express yourself while making greater sense of everything you're feeling.

While I haven't lost my mum, the person who I sense as my best friend, I'm currently imagining how I'm going to live without her (in regard to the ways I have been used to living with her in my life). With her being 86 and being incredibly unwell at the moment, I worry I just won't know how to do it when the time comes. When your best friend is your number one guide, how do you live without your number one guide in life (the person who feels the most for you, the person who offers you visions in life you need when you can't see the way forward for yourself, the person who sheds light for you in what feels like dark times, the person who doesn't just get your nature but encourages you to embrace it and celebrate it)?

While my husband of 22 years is a supportive person to some degree, I don't regard him as a guide in my life. So, I wouldn't go to him for guidance. Perhaps this is something to consider, regarding your partner. If you wouldn't regard him as your 'go to' person for guidance and the support you need, who could you begin to regard as that person or those people? Summer Rose and Indigo? If they feel like positive guides for you, helping shed light on the way forward, return to them for guidance whenever you feel the need. Even if it involves the smallest of details, such as 'What can I focus on (other than my grief) when standing in the shower each morning?' or 'How do I manage quiet times in the day, when there is time to think without distraction?'.

Personally, I can relate to what Indigo's suggesting. To sit in meditation and focus on meeting with your mum in a different way is something I plan on practicing when my mum passes. While not everyone's cup of tea, it works for some. For some, it's where they actually find their way forward, through the guidance that comes to mind through that kind of meditation or meeting. Whether we choose to see it as simply stretching the imagination in ways that serve us or we see it as an exercise in psychic development, it doesn't matter. What matters is finding what serves us. What matters is finding the way forward. Btw, if some form of psychic development has ever tweaked your interest in the past, perhaps considering joining such a group or circle will see you surrounded by other sensitive people who have nothing but compassion, encouragement and support to offer you. 

I find insensitive people to not be of much help in life. If anything, they're typically triggering and depressing and they can be rather degrading at times. When around insensitive people, it pays to ask 'Why can't they sense as well as I can?', as opposed to us asking ourself 'What's wrong with me?'. ❤️

[therising]

I return with the wish I could give you the most enormous hug. You were one of the people I thought of, amongst my tears, after my mum (my best friend) passed away yesterday. I thought of you and felt so deeply for you, so so deeply. 

While I think of how I'm going to manage to not become depressed in the days and weeks ahead, what comes to mind is something I have found just recently and it begins with 'right view'. Occasionally, something prompts me to return to Buddhist philosophy and teachings. It is the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path that begins with 'right view'. While this path relates to specific things, I think we can relate it to just about anything while practicing it.

• Through right view, we will not suffer through the wrong way of seeing things, such as the wrong way of seeing a person's passing
• Through right thinking, we will not suffer through wrong thinking or the wrong thoughts
• Through right speech (which I believe includes inner dialogue), we will not suffer through the wrong words
• Through right action, we will not suffer through inaction when it comes to finding the best way forward
• Through right livelihood, living in the best possible ways, we will not suffer through the wrong ways of living
• Through right effort, in cultivating what will serve us, we will not suffer through a lack of cultivating what comes to serve us
• Through right mindfulness, focusing on the moment, we will not suffer through a lack of focus when it comes the things that can help us move forward in every moment and
• Through right concentration, we will not suffer through a lack of what we should be concentrating on 

While Buddhism speaks highly about the importance of community, it becomes vital that we seek the people who can lead us to practice the right view, way of thinking, self talk, actions, way of life, mindfulness and the right things to be concentrating on. Without such people, we can suffer terribly and in such lonely ways. And in previously speaking of imagining sitting with a loved one, in our mind, perhaps today we can imagine sitting with and asking our mother 'What is the best way to begin viewing the path ahead?'. ❤️

[indigo22]

I am so sorry for your loss therising,

I hope you are coping ok and perhaps can take on board some of the advice for yourself that I have given for this member. As you well know, I am no stranger to loss and will be here should you feel the need to talk.

Please take good care of yourself while you go through the grieving process.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo 🌹

[therising]

Thank you so much, beautiful indigo. You will be one of my guides. ❤️

[Summer Rose]

Hello therising

I am very sorry for your loss and I’m sending hugs.

Kind thoughts to you 

[therising]

Thank you so much to you also, beautiful Summer Rose. I am feeling your hugs. ❤️

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Guest and therising,

I just want to send you both the warmest hugs and support you in the loss of your beautiful mothers. Whether it happened some time ago or just recently, it is one of those connections that can continue to impact us powerfully.

I wanted to share that I do sometimes talk with my mum and feel I'm connecting with her since she passed in 2020. If it's possible to feel into their presence, that feeling of them there with you can still be found and be comforting and calming in the midst of grief.

My relationship with my mother was challenging a great deal of the time while she was here, but the relationship has not ended with her passing and as weird as this may sound, it continues to grow and healing takes place.

Guest, there is nothing pathetic at all about still missing your mum and struggling with her not being here. After my mum passed I went to a grief support group and I did find that helpful, connecting with others experiencing loss. And, like you, some of them had their loved one pass some time ago, so it was not just for people with recent bereavement. I just thought I'd mention that in case it gives you an outlet for expressing your feelings in that it sounds like you are not getting that support at home.

The rising, it can be so hugely impacting in the days and weeks following the loss of a parent, like a monumental shift has occurred. I think connecting with anything that can be an anchor for you, like the Buddhist teachings, is a really good idea. Having something to steady you in the midst of grief can be very helpful. You will have the deep wisdom in you that your mum has shared with you as your best friend, and I'm sure that will be guiding you in the days, weeks and months ahead.

Much love and care 💗

Eagle Ray