Hi guys, I had to put my cat to sleep on Tuesdsy due to heart issues and i feel immense guilt to the point of my body cant function. i am shaking, bursting into tears and pacing the house. i feel sick like i am going go vomit constatntly. I dont want to eat but I force myself. i rescused this cat from being surrended two times when he was a kitten and he was a very vocal cat that needed attention, and i was lucky enough to spend most of my days at home with him.
ive lost a dog before, but this is different. when you spoke to him he looked you at you, and followed us everywhere as he just wanted to be wrapped up in our arms or by our side whenever he could.
The guilt i feel in feeling like I rushed the decision and feeling like i should have brought him home to just be sure he didnt magically get better or last longer is eating me alive.
its 3:30am and im up waiting to be woken by him, or looking for a sign hes here. my brain keeps tricking me and telling me hes just outside and he will be in later....i go and double check to see if his little face is waiting at the door to come in.
the house is lonely, quiet and i just want him back, if he came back i would be okay, i promise myself that. He was a big emotional support for me too, as i have suffered with anxiety all my life. And everytime i saw him i smiled, lit up and talked to him. I am a broken lady.
His was rushed to emergency two months ago, but i thought the issue was fixed. They said his breathing was bad and he would have to go to emergency again and most likely have surgery which would cost a lot, and no promise he would get better or make it. I feel so guilty that i shortened his life and i was meant to protect him like i promised from when i rescued him. xox
