I feel lost without my parents

[Misstb26]

Hello all,

Im 28 years old and I’ve lost both my parents. I lost my dad to cancer in 2010 and then my mum to suicide in 2017. I had a great relationship with both my parents and mostly with my mum who was my best friend. My mum had bipolar. Despite this she was an amazing mum and did so much for me and my siblings. I am yet to have children or get married but I have an amazing partner who I plan to do both with over the coming years. I understand why my mum suicided. But knowing why doesn’t really bring me much comfort. I feel empty and lost. I miss both my parents terribly and even though it’s been 9 years since I lost my dad and 2 years since I lost my mum the pain is still so raw. I have times where I feel really positive and excited for life but then I have real down times where I don’t feel anything and I shut off from my friends and the world. I’m on medication to help my anxiety which I’ve suffered with for a long time. It got really bad about a year after losing my mum and I decided I needed help. It helped lots but I feel like I’m back at that place. I’ve deleted all social media and I’m avoiding the world and hiding away like I don’t exist. Do you ever ask yourself why you....why has this happened to me...it’s unfair! I just need to know other people feel the same way as me and understand this empty feeling I have inside me. Thanks for listening! Xx

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm so sorry for your loss. Yes, I have had that empty feeling for a long time. Time does lessen the effect but truthfully, it never goes away. However, it is now something I welcome- let me explain.

I lost my brother in 1979 to suicide, my beautiful dad in 1992 to heart attack and uncle to suicide in 2001.

My brother was an Elvis fan so when I think of him I play Elvis youtube songs. Soon I change to other artists so my mind moves away from my brother. That helps.

My dad was a keen gardener so I nurture the plants he loved. My neighbour dedicated a corner of his property for his sons roses.

When I'm really sad I drive to a nearby hill and watch a sunset. Then play this

Youtube Maharaji prem rawat sunset

On the way home I try to appreciate my life by playing this

Youtube Maharaji Prem Rawat the perfect instrument

You might like to celebrate your mum or dads life somehow?

Other times I write poetry.

Finally I have a special message: you are showing interest in having children. That will give you a feeling of completeness but you will then become one of lifes leaders, an opportunity to provide love and direction to another human being. How wonderful, and you'll pass onto him/her your parents teachings, love and spirit- how unique is that?

misty tint

Where ever she walked you be her shadow

Cradled in her arms of care

You look around now there is solitude

She is no longer there

But now and then you'll see a print

Where she's been in the misty tint

No wonder she used a broom to sweep

To hide her footstep stencilled feet

But ever so often you'll feel a touch

Just a little hint, not too much

She be keeping your heart beating like a drum

Your lovely beautiful, caring mum...

TonyWK

[Misstb26]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Means so much and I’m so sorry for your losses as well. I think everything you said makes sense and I will try and do something to celebrate their lives! My mum was a singer and my dad loved gardening so maybe I can plant something where I can go to look at when I’m thinking of him. Thank you 🙏

[Quercus]

Hi Misstb26 and Tony also 😊,

I'm thankful that you decided to post for multiple reasons... The first being I love seeing new members take the step to reach out because it isn't easy to do. And returning to write again is even better.

But also reading Tony's reply helped me as well and I didn't know I needed help grieving still. Such a beautiful post Tony, thank you.

Misstb26, the loss of loved ones is devastating and I'm not surprised at all you're feeling lost. I agree with Tony that the grief never truly leaves us, we just learn to manage it with time. Choosing to celebrate something about your loved one is an idea I love and it does help. It was lovely to see in your reply that you related to the idea of singing and gardening as something you can celebrate.

My Grandparents were like parents to me and even though it has been years now some days the grief hits out of the blue and it feels fresh. Sometimes I am angry at them too. There is no time limit or 'normal' grief. However you feel is absolutely ok.

You mentioned wanting to marry and have children and that hit home deeply. Those were times for me that were particularly hard to manage. There isn't a day I don't wish for my Grandma to be here and meet my kids. It might sound silly but my Grandparents loved birds and their garden. Grandma loved Red Robins best and Grandad the Blue Wren. Whenever I see these birds around my home it gives me comfort. On my wedding day I saw a Red Robin and felt less alone.

My point is if you can find comfort in something that reminds you of your Mum and Dad that is a beautiful thing and it helps even in times when you miss them so badly it hurts.

Do you think your siblings might have some ideas too? Isolation is my go to also. It me being defensive but doesn't always help me. Sometimes when I am shutting everyone out it helps to ask people I love for help as well as the doctor.

I would love to hear how you are managing if you feel like sharing but there is no pressure here to reply.

Nat