Dear Karzie,
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your former partner. I have lost a number of people in my life to suicide, and it is, I think, worse than any other way of losing someone, because we all quite naturally ask ourselves if we could have done something, anything differently to prevent it from happening.
I think we do the best we can with what we've got, but at the end of the day, it's him that took his life, not you that took it from him. When someone dies from suicide, it's not because you, I, or we are 'bad' or have done something 'wrong' ..... it's because their mind has become ill. Their thinking has become distorted. Just like our sinuses become blocked and our throats become sore from a head cold, so too can/does a person's mind become 'sickened' by intrusive and distorted thoughts. And then, the person who is so dreadfully troubled by those thoughts and feelings, can't see a way out.
I think it's great that you are seeing a psychologist, as well as your daughter. But please, please, PLEASE do not put any kind of pressure on yourself by thinking that grief has any kind of 'time limit' or time span. Grief, to me, is something I tend to think of as being a bit like high and low tide - in that it ebbs and flows all the time. sometimes it's high tide and bringing with it all the debris and white wash and large crashing waves and sediment etc, and you can't see the ocean floor at all. You're treading water and barely staying afloat.
Other times, it's like low tide - there's no sediment or debris, the waves are gently lapping at your feet and the sand is clean and soft and you can see for miles around you. But the ocean is always there. Even if you live, for example, in Alice Springs, the ocean is still out there.
Grief is kind of like learning to surf the waves so that with each high tide, you become better at staying afloat.
Please know that we are here for you and with you for as long and as much as you need. Take care. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate your way through the waves. xo
