Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

harrison.c My Father passed away, feeling so lost..
  • replies: 11

I posted a couple days ago about the slim chances of my father surviving a battle with cancer and liver problems, unfortunately we lost him yesterday morning.. and it's the most painful thing i've ever felt in my life I feel so completely lost and di... View more

I posted a couple days ago about the slim chances of my father surviving a battle with cancer and liver problems, unfortunately we lost him yesterday morning.. and it's the most painful thing i've ever felt in my life I feel so completely lost and distraught without him.. he did everything for me and my mother and brother and sister, my mother and I especially. I'm 24 still living at home and have terrible social anxiety so he has always done everything for me.. whether it be just going into a shop to get something for me when I cant or coming to doctors appointments and setting them up for me, ontop of that he looked after my mother who has MS. He was everything to us, the most selfless caring beautiful man and now he's just gone.. my memories are all foggy and I keep trying to remember the good things but alot of the time i remember him and his face when he was in his hospital bed. I want to hug him so tightly and apologize for not appreciating him as much as I should have but I cant.. I just want to hear his voice or his laugh.. I don't get how to move on from this, I miss him so so so much. My mother is so hurt too, she's in a nursing home 40 minutes away until we can get her closer and i'm just in the house alone with all dads things and these memories and I just don't know how to cope.. I wrote out a letter and had my aunt read it to him next to me telling him some things i'm glad I got across but his eyes were opening a little and closing all throughout it, i'm not sure whether he heard it because he was so so out of it but god i hope he did. You really realize how much you take your parents for granted when they're gone

Shuh Feeling guilty after losing my brother from cancer
  • replies: 3

I lost my younger brother who was too young to die. I am in Australia and he lived abroad. I had recurred brain cancer, radiotherapy and chemotherapy didn't help. He was struggling numbness on half of his body. He was expecting help. I googled to fin... View more

I lost my younger brother who was too young to die. I am in Australia and he lived abroad. I had recurred brain cancer, radiotherapy and chemotherapy didn't help. He was struggling numbness on half of his body. He was expecting help. I googled to find alternative options where I came across to restricted ketogenic diet. I suggested him to try this and he went to that diet, we hired a dietitian. After two month MRI was clear and he felt improvement. We don't know if it was from the therapies or from the diet. He continued to work keeping the diet although it was hard. After two month, he felt strong numbness on half of his body. He went to doctor, doctors could do a surgery but there is a big risk that may be paralyzed or die. We refused surgery, but during 1 week in hospital his health deteriorated, was struggling to walk. But he said, brother I will keep the diet, not going for surgery. I was still in Australia organizing my trip back to home. I was seeking a doctor who can help him, found one in India. When I arrived he was already paralyzed, having difficulty to talk and sleeping a lot. I was too late, he was going to die soon. I talked a neurosurgeon in the capital, he asked to bring him. We brought him to hospital, stayed for 3 days, and they said they can't operate him anymore. Unfortunately, every time we visit hospital his health was going back more faster than at home, I can't understand. Traditional treatment wasn't helping him. Doctors said he is going to die in couple of days. They sent us back home. I googled again and found a doctor who treats patients with herbals. She gave some herbals which they may help. I refused drugs that doctors prescribed, because wasn't helping. Herbals looked like helping for some days, we saw a bit improvement. After ten days he experienced strong epilepsy when my mum and brother's wife was looking after. They couldn't help, it time before my another brother arrived and help. When I arrived doctors were to help. We took him to local hospital, he spent another 10 days with resuscitation. I cannot forgive myself, because keto diet didn't help but might progressed tumor. I cannot forgive myself coming home late to bring him to India, which might prolong his life. I can't forgive myself for refusing drugs doctors prescribed which might prevent epilepsy. I can't forget days he was expecting help, struggling from pain, couldn't speak last words because of resuscitation but hearing us telling lies that he will be fine.

Wolly Struggling single mum
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m a 32 year old single mum with two boys,8 and 2. Been in the Gold Coast for almost two years but lost my brother to suicide just after I moved up and have struggled to come to terms with. I have hardly been out of the house and have not made an... View more

Hi I’m a 32 year old single mum with two boys,8 and 2. Been in the Gold Coast for almost two years but lost my brother to suicide just after I moved up and have struggled to come to terms with. I have hardly been out of the house and have not made any friends here. The longer I am stuck in this rut the harder it is to pull myself out of it.

Josh99 Confusion from passed Grandfather
  • replies: 1

Hi there, have been very good since the past couple of posts. Just the past couple of weeks have gotten me down really bad. My grandfather has recently just passed from lung cancer he was a very big father figure in my life and my Grandmother who has... View more

Hi there, have been very good since the past couple of posts. Just the past couple of weeks have gotten me down really bad. My grandfather has recently just passed from lung cancer he was a very big father figure in my life and my Grandmother who has been a very big mother figure has been diagnosed brain cancer again. But I've just started dating a girl who we both get along very well and after 4 months I couldn't be any happier. But since my grandfather's funeral I've been really anxious and sad. My mind seems to be melting because I feel like me being anxious all of the time is jeprodising my relationship with my girlfriend. I love her and care about her in every way but I feel like me being sad and anxious is making me critical with things like "shes a really annoying today" when before my Grandfather passed I could tolerate alot of that. I would never want to leave her, whenever I do think about doing that I feel really sad for her and myself like it would be torture for me to do that. I mean I'm always on edge and everything seems all to much. I love her and id do anything to be with her but sometimes it's all to much for me I don't really like the fairy tale stuff where it's like " if she's the right one she'll make you feel happy 24/7". I'm not a big fan of that. I guess my question is mostly is this a normal side effect in starting up relationships in my situation. Because I feel like I'm really alone in my thoughts and I can't tell anyone without upsetting someone.

StrawberryShortcake Newbie - lost my dad with dementia
  • replies: 2

Lost my dad on new years day to dementia. He gave up about a month beforehand and just stopped eating and drinking. He come good again and then refused all foods and fluids again before he passed. He suffered before he died. I didnt make it to his si... View more

Lost my dad on new years day to dementia. He gave up about a month beforehand and just stopped eating and drinking. He come good again and then refused all foods and fluids again before he passed. He suffered before he died. I didnt make it to his side in time. I feel regret over this. He was in a nursing home and he always said to me to never put in him care, which I feel regret about. The home was wonderful to dad, I cannot fault the care that they gave him. I do miss him terribly.

miastevens Loss of my grandparents
  • replies: 1

I lost my grandpa just over a year ago and I’m not taking it very well. We weren’t that close and that’s the thing that bothers me. I feel like I should have done more to try and get closer to him and to have a better relationship. It was hard though... View more

I lost my grandpa just over a year ago and I’m not taking it very well. We weren’t that close and that’s the thing that bothers me. I feel like I should have done more to try and get closer to him and to have a better relationship. It was hard though because he lived three hours away so I could only really call him but still I didn’t even do that. My dad is taking it hard as well because it was his dad and I just guess I’m feeling really guilty and wish that I could’ve done more to be closer. My grandma passed away 3 years ago and she died of cancer. She died because she didn’t want to have chemo because she didn’t want her hair to fall out. I wish I could have talked her into having chemo she maybe she might still be alive today. And I also feel the same way with her as my grandpa. I just wish I could have called them more and told them I loved them and gotten to know them as people more. It was hard because my parents didn’t want to drive up there so I didn’t have a super close bond with them. We only really saw them on special occasions like Christmas or Easter and still that wasn’t enough. I just miss them and wish I could talk to them again. Recently their house sold and I guess that just made me finally realize how real it is that they’re gone and that I’ll never be able to see them again or talk to them. I went up and packed away their things and I just started balling and I guess the realization that we are never going to see them and that I didn’t even get to tell them I loved them one last time hit me. I would never get to hug them or play cards with them or anything ever again. It just makes me sad whenever I think about them and I try not to but every day I just get this feeling of guilt that I should have done more but I know I can’t. i miss them so much :’( Mia

Lisbeth Suggestions for a Grieving Mother?
  • replies: 15

Dear Forum, We lost our 29 year old son due to suicide one month ago. My internal clock stopped then. If you asked me the date I calculate it from the time he died. Outwardly I look to others like I am amazing - back at work, went to a conference las... View more

Dear Forum, We lost our 29 year old son due to suicide one month ago. My internal clock stopped then. If you asked me the date I calculate it from the time he died. Outwardly I look to others like I am amazing - back at work, went to a conference last week. Internally, I am an absolute mess, foggy, teary, and really wanting to be left alone except my husband. I do have an incredibly understanding husband and a psychiatrist. We don't want to share the details of our son's death, except with medical professionals and a very close inner family circle. I don't want to be re traumatised by retelling the story and don't want to be defined as the mother as son committed suicide in a horrendous manner. We want to control the narrative. That is 'he has been ill for some years and his death was sudden and we are all very sad?' Is this OK? All that is important is my son is no longer with us and my heat is bleeding. Any suggestions for immediate ideas or actions from those who have been in this situation on how to cope over the next few weeks?

lostnvoid how do we just... continue?
  • replies: 6

Hi, my names Wade, im 29 and i have a 5 year old son. This year has shaken our world and changed the outcomes of our lives. In March, we lost our rock, our guide, the third piece of our family jigsaw puzzle. My partner of 10 years, my sons mother, pa... View more

Hi, my names Wade, im 29 and i have a 5 year old son. This year has shaken our world and changed the outcomes of our lives. In March, we lost our rock, our guide, the third piece of our family jigsaw puzzle. My partner of 10 years, my sons mother, passed away due to a sudden asthma attack at our family house. Unable to help, and having to watch it all take place is a realm i wish no one enters. Whats even worse, the paramedics came, before her fatal cardiac arrest, and mistreated my girl, because she was only 25 years old, fit and healthy in every other way, the paramedics assumed a panic attack and made her walk! to an elevator and down 6 stairs, even though she begged them not to move her, even though she told them 'i feel like i will die if you move me' clearly if you cannot breathe, your going to panic right? this i will never understand. The paramedics had all the information in front of them, they knew they were there for asthma, yet while inside they took no vital observations, did not monitor the heart, or even use a stethoscope. The assumption of a panic attack was made within the first minute of speaking with her, and that choice to move her without observations was fatal. I am currently going threw investigations with the QAS and Health Ombudsman , which will prolong my experience even further. I want to warn you all with loved ones with asthma. Asthmatics get good at living with their condition, so good they can hide and mask how bad they really are. My girl was an expert at this, and when the paramedics arrived she was able to converse in full sentences without a wheeze, this is 10 minutes before a cardiac arrest. First assessment no one would no she had asthma, even though she said she was worried about it and wanted it checked up, but they didn't want that, they wanted her to walk to the ambulance so they could get her to hospital in case it was to progress. Seems fair, but the moment she stood up, tears ran down her face and she knew it was not right, and begged for them to help her. Arrogant young paramedics kept telling her to calm down, your asthma is fine there no wheeze, your just having a panic attack. The way i see this, if she was 80 years old, and she said she feels like she will die, they would not have moved her. The asthma was there, and always the concern, but had the paramedics spent a bit of time and done an examination, they wouldnt have moved her, and maybe avoiding the arrest.

Karzie Dealing with Suicide Grief
  • replies: 4

Hello, nearly exactly one year ago the father of our daughter, who will be turning 6 in September, took his own life. We were not together as a couple for around 2 years leading up to his suicide as he became agitated and frustrated and threatened my... View more

Hello, nearly exactly one year ago the father of our daughter, who will be turning 6 in September, took his own life. We were not together as a couple for around 2 years leading up to his suicide as he became agitated and frustrated and threatened my safety and my daughters. 2 months leading up to his death we had a massive argument which lead me to seek legal advice after a violent outburst in front of our daughter/ smashing my phone (not the first phone he had smashed) but our daughter was older and understood and still to this day brings it up. I never wanted things to end like they did as I loved him so much/ I just feel like I pushed him too hard and he couldn’t handle it anymore. I still can’t make piece with the fact that he was so desperate he killed himself and left behind his family and friends but most of all his beautiful daughter. I cry so much as I’m so overwhelmed/ I work full time, raise or daughter by myself, run a household and take care of me too/ I feel like breaking most days.... I do have a great support network and I do reach out when I feel I need help with practical things but the grieving isn’t over for me. I do have a psychologist for both myself and my daughter, I wish I could talk more to my family friends though. It feels as if a time frame has been put on my grieving and I still feel like I haven’t even began.....

Misstb26 I feel lost without my parents
  • replies: 3

Hello all, Im 28 years old and I’ve lost both my parents. I lost my dad to cancer in 2010 and then my mum to suicide in 2017. I had a great relationship with both my parents and mostly with my mum who was my best friend. My mum had bipolar. Despite t... View more

Hello all, Im 28 years old and I’ve lost both my parents. I lost my dad to cancer in 2010 and then my mum to suicide in 2017. I had a great relationship with both my parents and mostly with my mum who was my best friend. My mum had bipolar. Despite this she was an amazing mum and did so much for me and my siblings. I am yet to have children or get married but I have an amazing partner who I plan to do both with over the coming years. I understand why my mum suicided. But knowing why doesn’t really bring me much comfort. I feel empty and lost. I miss both my parents terribly and even though it’s been 9 years since I lost my dad and 2 years since I lost my mum the pain is still so raw. I have times where I feel really positive and excited for life but then I have real down times where I don’t feel anything and I shut off from my friends and the world. I’m on medication to help my anxiety which I’ve suffered with for a long time. It got really bad about a year after losing my mum and I decided I needed help. It helped lots but I feel like I’m back at that place. I’ve deleted all social media and I’m avoiding the world and hiding away like I don’t exist. Do you ever ask yourself why you....why has this happened to me...it’s unfair! I just need to know other people feel the same way as me and understand this empty feeling I have inside me. Thanks for listening! Xx