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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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taylor2018 My mum committed suicide
  • replies: 3

When I was 20 my mum committed suicide. I'm now 26 and I feel deeper in my grief than ever before. I had a really delayed reaction to her death (I did not express any emotion for 2 years). We were a pretty normal tight family unit and I needed to be ... View more

When I was 20 my mum committed suicide. I'm now 26 and I feel deeper in my grief than ever before. I had a really delayed reaction to her death (I did not express any emotion for 2 years). We were a pretty normal tight family unit and I needed to be the strength for the rest of my family. My mum left no note, and nobody really has any explanation of why she did what she did. She was such a great mum to my brother and I, and while I know she had problems (she was an alcoholic) she was a successful business woman and excellent mother, and nobody had any idea she was suicidal. In addition to all the normal stuff you feel when someone dies this way, there is a lot of blame towards me and the rest of my immediate family from my extended family on her side. I get through this by understanding that sometimes people need to blame someone to cope but honestly it's so wrong that anyone could think anyone was responsible. Particularly my brother and my dad and I. We would have moved heaven and earth had we known she was in danger. Even so, I feel like I have failed the most important person in my life and I'm haunted by what happened. The permanence of her death still has not settled in and it hits me in waves and knocks me right off my feet. What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

Nutella01 Grief, depression & suicidal thoughts
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm 18 yrs old and new to this forum. I'm in my first year at uni and I live at a residential college about 3 hours from home. Just over 7 weeks ago my dog passed away. She meant everything to me and her death was so sudden and such a shock becau... View more

Hi, I'm 18 yrs old and new to this forum. I'm in my first year at uni and I live at a residential college about 3 hours from home. Just over 7 weeks ago my dog passed away. She meant everything to me and her death was so sudden and such a shock because she was perfectly healthy, I was a mess for weeks after and just couldn't cope with her being gone. I saw a counselor after a few weeks of grieving because I was just not feeling any better and my mood was not improving at all, I was barely sleeping, I was still crying every day, and I was just not coping well with life. I was having suicidal thoughts and was thinking of ways to end my life. I then saw a GP and have been on 2 different sleeping tablets over the past 3 weeks but they only work for one or two nights before they stop working. I've been on antidepressants for 2 weeks but I don't feel these have made any change to my mood at all. I am just feeling very down and hopeless and exhausted all day. I don't have anything to look forward to in life, and I dread having to go back home because last time I went home, I hated being there without my dog and I really struggled to cope and it just made me feel worse. I find it so hard to talk to my parents about what I feel, I don't want them to overreact or make a fuss, or come up to see me at all or phone me heaps. I also just don't think they'll understand what goes through my head all day. I am trying to go to uni to distract myself and to try not get too far behind, but I am finding it so hard to concentrate on my work, I keep zoning out and thinking about life and dying, and about my dog. I am quite far behind at uni but I am past the point of caring about much anymore. I just feel like every day is the same, nothing seems to get better, and I don't see any point in continuing to live if this is what I feel like every day. I am so unmotivated to do anything and I just feel like my life is meaningless and nothing I do matters anymore. I have been looking up methods of suicide and I am often thinking about ways to end my life, to stop the pain and all these thoughts that are in my head all day. A week ago I got quite bad and wanted to run away anywhere out of this place, I just couldn't handle it anymore, but I managed to force myself to stay and tried to distract myself to stop the thoughts. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm feeling so hopeless and down and exhausted all the time, and just needed to get it all out. Sorry for the long post.

Trieste Grieving loss of my Mum
  • replies: 5

hello I'm a new member. I'm feeling so upset. I thought I was prepared for my Mum's death but I wasn't. It's four months now and the days and nights are such a struggle. I'm dreading all the "firsts" ..this coming Mothers Day, an upcoming family cele... View more

hello I'm a new member. I'm feeling so upset. I thought I was prepared for my Mum's death but I wasn't. It's four months now and the days and nights are such a struggle. I'm dreading all the "firsts" ..this coming Mothers Day, an upcoming family celebration, my birthday, her birthday. ...you get the idea. On top of that I'm dealing with the likelihood of having to have a loved pet put to sleep. I'm very fortunate to have a loving partner and lovely girls but I have never felt so lonely ..if that makes sense. Please tell me I'm not alone. I'm alternating between crying a lot of the time and/or getting upset and angry with my loved ones. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my life..close to forty years so this also multiplies the grief. Thank you for taking the time to read.

killetti Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down
  • replies: 7

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely ... View more

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely all the time. i have tried to get her to see the GP. and her psychologist. neither has really helped. Finally mum met a woman who has had ECT and thought she too might benefit from hospital treatment to get on the right meds. she told the doctor and the doctor gave her a psychiatrist. she didn't like last years psychiatrist. this years psych, she can't see for 2 months. two months of her telling me every day that she never wants to leave the house again, that she hates where she lives, that she wishes she were dead. then of course every other day where she seems aware of her situation and wants to try to fight it... but I know by the time she gets around ot doing anything the feelings will change (within the day). i suffer depression and anxiety too. not to her extent, i'm able to self manage. talk myself up, mostly. but i dont wantto be around mum when she is like this. she makes me so angry, she one day is asking me to help her get a dog trainer, the next day she's cancelling and telling me it's all too much... i dont have much time or energy in my own life, i work full time and i barely cope with that. i like my alone time. i sleep poorly. amd i'm generally just struggling to have any social life at all. i called the crisis team and they told me to get a sooner appointment with the psychiatrist, but i dont know who they are, mum will never get around to doing anything about it, and her doctor wont tell me anything, or generally do anything much of use... they've left her like this for thirty years... they did nothing for my dad either. i feel trapped. i want to take her to a hospital and say to them" take her, make her better." but i know because she doesn't actually plan how to commit suicide they wont do anything. i'm the only person in the world she has. i feel guilty half the tie, angry the other half and overlay it all with a desperation. i know others have it harder, i know some daughters are full time carers for their parents... but i want to have a life.. and i dont know how to cope the next two months or longer until some medical professional sees how serious it is and bothers to get involved and actually help her.

appoggiatura How do I deal with this unbearable grief?
  • replies: 3

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December... View more

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December and died at the end of January. I never left her side and slept every night in the hospital for three weeks. I called an ambulance after New Year's because I felt I wasn't coping at home, and I feel tremendous guilt about that because I felt it made things happen faster. I am still beside myself with grief every day. I miss her so much. I don't really have anyone here that I can talk to either. My dad (who has never been reliable) has stopped talking to me, which hurts a lot as well. My friends are all in other cities. I don't know the rest of my family that well and even so, they all live overseas. I feel completely alone. I am still paying rent on an apartment in Sydney as I haven't had the capacity to make any decisions about my life yet. I am going back to work in Sydney on the 19th of March. They're letting me come back part-time, which is nice. But I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have to be at my Mum's house, in another city, to look after her three animals and to sort out the house, which she still has a mortgage on. So at this stage I will be commuting, but it's a 6-hour commute every day by train, and it will be very exhausting. I need to get out of my lease, but I feel unable to do anything. There are bills piling up and I need to call various places to explain what's happened, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't do anything. I feel triggered by every little thing. I see a bill and it makes me cry, I hear an ambulance and it makes me cry, I feel like making a cup of tea and it reminds me of her and makes me cry. I'm paralyzed. All I can think about all the time is my Mum and what she went through and what happened. Every time I close my eyes I see her last moment or I hear her struggling to breathe or I remember every little detail of the hospital and the cancer. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's unbearable. I feel like I can't do it anymore and I really need help and I don't know how to get it, so here I am.

Guest_161 Struggling to come to terms with my brothers death
  • replies: 23

Hi, i lost my younger brother in january this year to GVHD after having a transplant from leukaemia, he was 26. Iv gone through so many emotional stages since he passed but now as time is going on I'm struggling to come to terms with knowing iv lost ... View more

Hi, i lost my younger brother in january this year to GVHD after having a transplant from leukaemia, he was 26. Iv gone through so many emotional stages since he passed but now as time is going on I'm struggling to come to terms with knowing iv lost my only sibling , my best friend, my sons uncle and the person i would call daily to talk about anything or ask stupid questions. I'm so lost in life now and every night getting close to bed time i get these sick feelings he wasn't meant to go there was something else they didnt try, flash backs of his final week when they said there wasn't anything more they caN do but to just make him comfortable now , he basically was asleep 24/7 for 3 or 4 days before he passed but a few days before that he was starting to get confused , i remember him getting scared when a nurse entered n he said no no I'm going home, or if he was in pain looking at me saying please help but the look on his face i had never seen before, when i think of all this my heart races and i clench up , i just feel so sad for him he went through 3 years of pain but every hurdle thrown at him he overcame it like a king but then out of no where from a general hospital stay like any other he had had he never came home . i dont have a a lot of friends a couple of close ones but iv pulled my self away from them as i just feel like I'm on repeat, and i know no matter how many times i tell them about all this there is only so much they can say back to me before they are just repeating it too and i dont want to continue to burden them with it . Has anyone else had or been thru something smilier to this

My-life-is-a-constant-Mess My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant
  • replies: 1

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyda... View more

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyday, he was my favourite relative. He was diagnosed with skin cancer about 5 months ago and he was in a lot of pain and was in hospital for a while but he was slowly getting better but then they found out he had cancer in his lymph system that it was aggressive and was incurable that was less than 3 months ago. He was really depressed and lost 50kg in a month and has been in and out of hospital and in pain and he has been really mean, grumpy and depressed for a few months. Last week he got pneumonia and went into hospital and has been there since and he just wanted to die so he wouldn't let the doctors treat the pneumonia so they just kept him comfortable. I have been really detached and unfeeling since we found out he was sick and I was fine I didn't feel anything unlike the rest of my family who have been sad and worried. I went to see him last night and he was unresponsive so we just sat there and the others were talking to him but I didn't because it made me uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or do. My parents told me he died this morning and I just went oh ok and went back to sleep and was fine all day I studied did a test and went to uni all fine and I haven't cried until I wrote this & IDK why? maybe because he hasn't been himself since and it feels like he was already gone, maybe its because I'm mad at him for not letting them treat him, maybe something is wrong with me idk, I'm ok and then I remember I'll never see him again I didn't even go see the body I just went back to bed. I hate showing feeling in front of people especially family so I will never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel. Sorry about the rant I don't really know what the point is.

Felix05 Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very... View more

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very lucid, and sometimes didn't even recognize me. She was only 44 when she passed, I am only 21. I've really struggled the last 6 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work before her death to care for her, and I was there until the very last moment. She passed away at home with myself and my sister standing beside her. After she passed I took about a week and a half off work and have been back at work ever since. Been back at work for a month now. It's been pretty hard, and my job is very demanding, not allowing me to take a moment when I need to, I have to be on the job and in the moment every minute of work. I've taken one day off work since being back, and I guess I'm wanting to take a bit more time off, to gather myself and deal with all my emotions. Do you think it's okay for me to call in sick once a week or fortnight to have a mental health day while I'm still grieving? I've struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and I'm struggling now. It's hard to get out of bed, to be motivated and to go to work, but I do. I'm never fully in the moment, well at least that's what it feels like. I feel so hazey and foggy all the time. Has anyone got any tips or advice? Things that have helped them in these kind of situations?

Meg027 Trying to deal with finding my father dead.
  • replies: 3

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off... View more

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off. I went to check on him and found him dead on his bed. I was spared seeing his whole body and an autopsy done the next day which revealed he had a gastrointestinal bleed. I had watched my mother pass away from cancer four years earlier and now to find my father passed away. I’m Not even 30 years old and I have no parents left and I only ever had one brother. I’m married with 3 beautiful children who have helped me get through. But I find when they are in bed and I suddenly have all this time to think, it’s all I think about and I get this heavy sadness over me. we are also clearing out his property for sale and it’s been hard to wrap my head around that he is gone. He was a very healthy man so it came as a huge shock. Thank you again for anyone reading, it has already helped just writing my about experience and hope maybe someone with similar experience can share some light on their experiences.

Miss_TB A new type of grief
  • replies: 3

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal ... View more

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal to losing mother. My life is not normal. I am in a relationship with a married man with 2 kids. The grief that my life hasn’t turned out how I planned has resulted in day time drinking, heavy night drinking and small amounts of drug taking every weekend. I feel like I am watching my life from the sidelines. Knowing I’m not being wise in my choices, but unable to get the life I want.