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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Patrina Feel abandoned by my children after the death of my husband
  • replies: 3

7 weeks ago I lost my husband after he had battled with cancer for 2 years. 8 years ago we moved to Australia to start a new life and join my daughter and family. My son also intended emigrating here so it seemed the right thing to do. Before she emi... View more

7 weeks ago I lost my husband after he had battled with cancer for 2 years. 8 years ago we moved to Australia to start a new life and join my daughter and family. My son also intended emigrating here so it seemed the right thing to do. Before she emigrated here my daughter said she only wanted to do it if we and her brother could also come and so we developed a grand plan for us all to be together and join my brother and his family here. After we had already moved here as our first granddaughter was due, my son changed his mind and accepted a job in the Netherlands. After we had been here 4 years my daughter and son-in-law moved abroad. They returned after 2 years but moved to the other side of the country to a remote area, 5,000 kms away. I am now here alone, (my brother and family are here but they have busy lives) and I feel that I have been abandoned and betrayed by my children. Life is not how we imagined it would be when we decided to come to Australia. I know your children have their own lives but my daughter is the one who wanted us to come here. I feel very alone and cry every day for my husband and can’t believe that this is my life now and my future has been taken away. It’s so hard being in this house living with an empty space where my husband should be. Most days I wonder what is the point of getting out of bed. My instinct tells me to go home to the UK, as I was always quite homesick and only came here for the family and my grandchildren, but I don’t know if I could start again at age 69 my and then I would probably not see my grandchildren .

Guest_125 Feelings of loneliness and grief after miscarriage
  • replies: 4

I had a miscarriage over a week ago, and where all the love and hope I had for my baby was, there's just emptiness. My chest has been literally aching with grief. I go from feeling sad to feeling angry to feeling numb. Unlike loss of a family member ... View more

I had a miscarriage over a week ago, and where all the love and hope I had for my baby was, there's just emptiness. My chest has been literally aching with grief. I go from feeling sad to feeling angry to feeling numb. Unlike loss of a family member or friend who made it into the world, it just feels taboo and confronting to talk about for others, and I feel like I am very isolated. Out of the people who I have spoken to about the loss, a few have been great, but a few have been insensitive, have tried to move the conversation on as quickly as possible, or have just not known how to react and withdrew support altogether. My boss told me she was sorry to hear, but then basically told me that I'm not the only one going through things at the moment. I felt invalidated. My husband has gone through the loss too. He's only gotten overwhelming support from those he's told, and he is feeling positive about the future and focusing on wanting another pregnancy. I am feeling anxious about the future, and terrified it's going to happen again. On top of problems already going on at work, I feel like I'm drowning now in stress and grief, and it's getting harder to catch a breath.

blueskies18 Why do I feel guilty?
  • replies: 2

Hello all, My father passed away last year and he was an alcoholic, which was a major factor that caused his death. I drink socially and have never had any problems in the way of addiction or being irresponsible. Since my father's passing, I have cho... View more

Hello all, My father passed away last year and he was an alcoholic, which was a major factor that caused his death. I drink socially and have never had any problems in the way of addiction or being irresponsible. Since my father's passing, I have chosen not to drink as much when I'm out but on some occasions where I have had a couple (as we all do), these feelings of guilt present. I get quite upset with myself and I feel bad that I'm drinking and that I have let myself go beyond my limits. I don't know whether it's because I don't want to end up making the mistakes my dad did or because I know that alcohol was part of the reason he died. I know I shouldn't let his mistakes affect my life but in the back of my mind something triggers this. I didn't have much to do with my dad for a couple of years because of alcoholism and other issues that stemmed from it so it's not like I think he will be disappointed in me. The grieving process has been a roller coaster but overall I feel okay, I have moved on and accepted what has happened, I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I hope this makes sense. Thank you for any insights you may have on this.

Drwhofan My Dad
  • replies: 1

10 years ago my father passed away I was there it's on the June June 19th of this well obviously this month I miss you so much I dream everyone off I dream of him all the Damned time he was my best friend and now I feel like I'm dying nearly every da... View more

10 years ago my father passed away I was there it's on the June June 19th of this well obviously this month I miss you so much I dream everyone off I dream of him all the Damned time he was my best friend and now I feel like I'm dying nearly every day I hate people I hate myself I hate everything and I don't know how to fix it I don't know how to change, I don't know what to do I want a family of my own and everyone else seems to be getting what I want and it just everyday is like a rubbing like it just keeps growing it in and then and then and I just hurt and I get hurt I miss my dad and I know others have lost their father but I miss the fact they was there for me and the thing that breaks my heart is when you need me there I wasn't I was too selfish I didn't do enough for him and I live with over the rest of my damn life for the rest of my life maybe this is my penance

bb01 Unable to come to terms with his loss (New to beyondblue)
  • replies: 2

Hello, my bestfriend passed away tragically on my 21st birthday last year.. He was hit by a car while walking along a road, I still to this day have no closure and I am really not coping. How do you deal not being able to say goodbye or anything, I t... View more

Hello, my bestfriend passed away tragically on my 21st birthday last year.. He was hit by a car while walking along a road, I still to this day have no closure and I am really not coping. How do you deal not being able to say goodbye or anything, I think about it everyday it just doesn't seem real yet. if anybody here has had something like this happen advice would be beautiful, TIA.

PJMarsh How to fill the void following the loss of my best friend and wife of 49 years to Cancer
  • replies: 5

Please accept my apologies for the new thread below, as I am a new member and attempting to put my emotions in words is difficult for me. I know I am not alone experiencing this huge battle to get over the loss of a loved one. I am hoping someone may... View more

Please accept my apologies for the new thread below, as I am a new member and attempting to put my emotions in words is difficult for me. I know I am not alone experiencing this huge battle to get over the loss of a loved one. I am hoping someone may be or have been through similar circumstances. My wife and best friend of 49 years passed away from Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer on Anzac Day. We knew this day was coming for nearly 4 years from the time of her diagnosis. We have been told she had the Cancer at least 3 years before diagnosis. My wife and I accepted the diagnosis reasonably well and planned what we would do in between her treatment, while our medical team did everything they could and succeeded to give us 4 extra years together. I went to all my wife’s appointments and treatments to give support. For the last year she found it difficult to get around which was devastating her as the pain was excruciating, but you would not have known. My wife always wanted to pass away at home and to facilitate this my two adult children, my wife’s sister and I looked after her at home during the last four days of her life. I thought we had planned for this event, but nothing has prepared me for the depth of loss, loneliness, feeling of devastation (even though I have a fantastic family and friends), and a feeling of sorrow that I did not say all the things I wanted too, as I was too busy looking after her. As noted above I have the best family and friends but I feel alone without my best friend by my side and feeling her touch and closeness. What has kept me going to date, has been not to let my children down as they have lost their mother, and the fact that she was so strong during her illness and in death I keep trying to move forward through the pain using her example. If anyone else has had a similar experience, how did you get through?

wickys Lost my daughter, then 8 weeks later lost my husband.
  • replies: 4

Two and a half years ago I lost my daughter. She died from drug toxicity. She suffered from depression. 8 weeks after that I lost my husband who had a massive heart attack at home. He was my rock when my daughter died. He was my common sense. He was ... View more

Two and a half years ago I lost my daughter. She died from drug toxicity. She suffered from depression. 8 weeks after that I lost my husband who had a massive heart attack at home. He was my rock when my daughter died. He was my common sense. He was my closest friend. For the first year and a half I just slept. To escape reality. I never thought I'd laugh again. Well I do laugh but most days I just feel like crying. Night time is the worse. Trying to get to sleep. I just miss them so much. The lonelyness is what gets to me. About a month ago I lost our dog. I thought every thing I love dies. I do have good day but they come in waves. In the last 5 years my family has lost my nephew, my daughter, my husband, and my neice. I grieve for my son who is still alive because he is in jail. It scares me to think I could lose him. Drugs hate them so much.Losing a child is devastating but losing your husband is too. I just wonder is this ever going to get any better. I still ask why. She was my baby. You are not ment to bury your kids before you. Thats a awful fact. My sister has lost both her kids to drugs. It sure makes you tougher that one thing I've learnt. Having to do all the stuff my husband did. Like I learnt how to use the compresser the other day to pump up tyres. I took the door off the wood fire to get it fixed because the glass was broke. Simple things like using the remote control. My husband never let me touch the one in the lounge room. I dont drink or take drugs so I find it hard to understand. What I'm asking is someone who understands all this grief I'm going though. Thanks.

Geeman Cancer loss
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I've just lost my Mum to cancer . She was only 64- way too young. She meant the world to me and so many others. I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm trying not to be grumpy with my wonderful kids, but feel it a lot of the time. I also run... View more

Hi All, I've just lost my Mum to cancer . She was only 64- way too young. She meant the world to me and so many others. I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm trying not to be grumpy with my wonderful kids, but feel it a lot of the time. I also run my own business in the construction industry, and there isn't room for much time off due to project demands etc. I'm feeling both anxious to return to work, but kind of keen to bring the normality back at the same time. I'm thinking maybe a local support group might be good for me, but don't really know what to look for. Any feedback/ suggestions would be really appreciated.

Mumma2017 Sudden passing of my mum who was my best friend.
  • replies: 9

Hello, It’s a long story so I will try and keep it brief. Two months ago my mum passed away suddenly. She went to hospital and had tests performed, the next day she was diagnosed with incurable cancer which had spread literally everywhere in her body... View more

Hello, It’s a long story so I will try and keep it brief. Two months ago my mum passed away suddenly. She went to hospital and had tests performed, the next day she was diagnosed with incurable cancer which had spread literally everywhere in her body, that night she went unconscious on life support, machine was turned off the next day and she died. She was 65. It all happen so fast and there was no time to accept or process what had happen during that week. That week we found out that she was keeping her symptoms from all of us. This doesn’t seem possible but surprisingly she was able to keep this secret until the day before she died. She would avoid doctors, tests, hospitals or any health interventions for as long as I remember, we could not even speak to her about her health or even if she had a sore arm. Suprisingly she looked well and still walking around a month before she passed, She deteriorated approx 1-2 weeks before passing but refused medical help and would not allow the ambulance to come get her, until the day she couldn’t breath properly (which was the day she went to the hospital before getting diagnosed). she still didn’t want to talk to anyone about it in hospital and didn’t want to think about it. We never got any closure or any questions answered on why she ignored her symptoms and hid it from all of us. We have an idea on why but my mum is the only person who can really confirm. I never got to say good bye to her or comfort her during this time, by the time I flew to where she was she was unconscious on life support. We don’t live in the same state. Last time I seen her was 5 months before she died but we spoke a few times a week and texted most days. Seeing my mum pass away and the viewing did not feel real and it still doesn’t. But what does feel real is that she’s definitely gone, and I miss her so much. has anyone ever been in a similar situation to this or know anyone who has? grieving is the worst feeling i have ever experienced and it’s a every day constant feeling of emptiness. Not only am I sad that I won’t see my mum again, I’m also thinking about what she went through alone, and many unanswered questions. I still continue to go to work, train at the gym, catch up with friends and family, as I don’t want to end up having depression. Mornings are the hardest but as the day goes by it gets easier. hope to hear from someone. thanks.

Moonstruck I never grieved for my mother..is this unhealthy?
  • replies: 24

Evening all, I have never asked any professional person this question probably because it simply hasn't been a problem for me. Nor is it now....but....I can't seem to find any websites, or long term effects, if any, or posts on Forum about "not" grie... View more

Evening all, I have never asked any professional person this question probably because it simply hasn't been a problem for me. Nor is it now....but....I can't seem to find any websites, or long term effects, if any, or posts on Forum about "not" grieving a close family member. In my case, my mother when I was 16. The reason I am curious if this is more common that usually thought....is that my sister died a few months ago and I didn't seem to "grieve" much then either, even though I had no ill feelings towards her. In fact I felt terribly sad for her during her illness and problems through life and loved her, still do. I wouldn't call it"grieving" though. (I have grieved terribly for pets...unrelenting pain, distraught with the grief, taking long long time to cope with that kind of loss...but with these 2 people, I seemed to just get on with my life). Re my mother, I can honestly say I have never missed her, felt sad at her passing, wished she was here, been around to see my children, life's successes, shared my celebrations, not for one second, minute, hour or day since the Dr delivered the news at the hospital. Never felt the need to "talk " to her or share anything with her, "ask" her advice, cry for her....nothing! Has this lack of grieving process at 16 affected me in other ways perhaps? Is that really relevant anyway? Just curious if anyone else "non grieves" Sending wishes for peace and love to you...thanks for listening...Moonstruck