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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Wonder__woman Lost my beautiful boy
  • replies: 1

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painfu... View more

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painful. Every little beautiful memory racing through my mind of what gave me so much joy and now what i will no longer enjoy anymore.. But I serve a mighty wonderful God who allowed this for a reason..therefore it was right..but that doesn't ease the pain and significant loss I feel... Ollie was only 1 year old..but gave me so much

tashi My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve
  • replies: 11

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even t... View more

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even thought it’s not . My dad was 55, to young to leave us . I keep seeing him everywhere and then realising it’s not possible. At night time I feel sick knowing that I will never talk to him again or see his face . My heart is seriously aching I don’t know how to move forward from here and continue to be a happy healthy mother for my baby

Fozzie Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling... View more

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling so lonely. Long story short, my grandma died three months ago, and at that already turbulent time my three and a half year relationship with my girlfriend ended. I was already not in a great place before all this happened, I wasn’t happy where I was in life mostly because 1. I’m in a job I no longer get any satisfaction out of, and it feels like my life is going nowhere and 2. I hurt my back really badly a back in June and had to stop lighting weights which is the only exercise I enjoy. Because of this I stupidly started pushing my girlfriend away, and things boiled over shortly after an overseas trip where we felt more like friends than SO’s at times. On top of the negative thoughts I already had, I’m so full of regret and guilt that it’s eating me away, both over my relationships with my grandma and my now ex-girlfriend. I’m trying to make changes in my life, but it’s really hard to do even the smallest things. I’ve applied to go back to uni to follow my career dream but I didn’t get in for the first round and that hit me hard. I feel like my happiness is tied to whether or not I get in to uni this year. But at the same time even if I do get in I can’t help but compare myself to my peers, many of whom are off getting married and/or are in careers they enjoy. It also really didn’t help that the night I told my parents my girlfriend and I had broken up my dad let slip that my previous ex is now engaged. Meanwhile I’m back single again at 28 and wanting to go back to uni to do another undergraduate degree. I have zero motivation and I’m so tired with life in general. I have a history of melancholic depression and I’m currently seeing my GP and a psychologist, but I feel they’re not helping me as much as they have in the past.

shesawallflower How to deal with my mothers death
  • replies: 4

I lost my mother almost 2 months ago. It was a very big shock and very unexpected. She had a massive stroke right in front of me. She was in ICU for 3 days whilst on life support suffering from severe brain damage caused from the stroke. I keep getti... View more

I lost my mother almost 2 months ago. It was a very big shock and very unexpected. She had a massive stroke right in front of me. She was in ICU for 3 days whilst on life support suffering from severe brain damage caused from the stroke. I keep getting flashbacks of the traumatic event that I usually can’t block out. I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I am still grieving, I need to talk to someone but I am unsure where to start. Do I need counseling, therapy, or a psychiatrist?

CLMFP Loss of a pet. Depression trigger?
  • replies: 7

Hi, 2 days ago we had to put down my 16-year-old cat. I had him for over half my life, he was there when I was diagnosed with depression, when I was suicidal and when I started getting better and being 'normal' (somewhat). He was my constant. I was d... View more

Hi, 2 days ago we had to put down my 16-year-old cat. I had him for over half my life, he was there when I was diagnosed with depression, when I was suicidal and when I started getting better and being 'normal' (somewhat). He was my constant. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 10 years ago and for about 4-3 years it's been for the most part controllable. I have my ups and downs, but mostly up or neutral. Because of this event, I feel like I don't know how I will be able to get through this, I don't want to slip back in to depression but I don't want to move on either. I have upped my anti-depressant dose and made an appointment with my psychiatrist (unfortunately it won't be until early January). In the meantime my mum and other cat are helping me through this, but I still can't see an end to this pain, especially with Christmas coming up, my cat loved christmas. By the way he wasn't just a cat or pet for me, he was/is family and always will be. Please let me know if you have had a pet that you went through depression with and lost them later. How have you coped with it? CLMFP

RW85V Struggling with grief
  • replies: 7

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blin... View more

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blind hope that if he just held on long enough there would be some new treatment that would control it. He died in my arms and my whole world changed. I feel like I've had all my limbs cut off. I thought I was coping okay but recently I've been noticing more and more that I am doing things that worry me. I am struggling to fall asleep at night. I hate eating and it seems like a pointless activity. In fact, I can't really find much enthusiasm for anything. It's not that I feel depressed all the time. More like I just feel numb, angry and irritable. I have been having large crying episodes every day that I hide from friends and family ... but I don't mind these, feeling the pain and the triggers of these episodes is better than feeling nothing at all. I am trying to get out and exercise regularly and to go to work but the level of fatigue I have is awful. Sometimes just having a simple conversation with someone is absolutely exhausting. I sometimes can't bring myself to respond to a conversation. I'm starting to really struggle with concentration at work and doing simple tasks is taking too long. I saw a psychologist after my husband passed and I don't know if it will be worth doing this again. I don't know if talking about any of this is going to help. Nothing is going to bring him back so maybe I just need to suck it up and ride this whole thing out? Being young it is hard to find support groups out there for people my age. I find it hard to talk about him with people because of how they react - people who know me well are grieving too ... people who don't know me well often don't know how to react and it's very uncomfortable between the apologies from them and the looking at me like I need sympathy. I don't know what brought me here, but now I'm here if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears. Thanks for your time.

Ellie05 Feeling devastated after the loss of my dog
  • replies: 7

Hello, It's been a couple of months since my last post. I am guilty of only checking these boards regularly when I'm not doing too well. Putting my thoughts, fears and worries out there into the universe seems to help somewhat. My little dog had to b... View more

Hello, It's been a couple of months since my last post. I am guilty of only checking these boards regularly when I'm not doing too well. Putting my thoughts, fears and worries out there into the universe seems to help somewhat. My little dog had to be put down this morning and I'm feeling devastated. I loved him so much and as I'm single and not working he was a big part of my day to day happiness. He was such a joy filled little fellow and I'm going to miss him so much. Everything in the house reminds me of him. He was a family dog so I have support from my parents and sister but I'm starting to unravel as I'm terrified that I'm going to relapse and have a terrible episode of anxiety/depression again (they've been triggered before by smaller issues than this). I only got half an hour sleep last night so am hoping I'll be able to think more rationally tomorrow after I've slept but I just don't know how I'll get over this.

Myles5 Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?
  • replies: 14

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone knows about the relationship with grief and anxiety? It is something I have only come heard of recently. Or if this story sounds familiar to anyone and you have any tips to help, that would be greatly appreciated. im... View more

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone knows about the relationship with grief and anxiety? It is something I have only come heard of recently. Or if this story sounds familiar to anyone and you have any tips to help, that would be greatly appreciated. im a 24yo male in Melbourne Aus. Have always been fairly shy/ anxious person and never very happy. My father committed suicide when I was 16 who I was very close to, also lost a fair few other friends and family members not long after too. i have always tried to be tough and just try ignore these losses when they occurred, I was back at school 2 days after my Dads death and just tried forcing myself to move on. I still think about what happened that night pretty much every day but never get emotional about it, just try put on a brave face and move on. i suffered with depression and social anxiety issues for the years following my dads death, but it was fairly manageable and wasn't 24/7 life controlling like it is now about 2 years ago I took some MDMA at a party and got my first panic attack the next day. Since then have been anxious as hell, constantly feel like I'm in a dream (depersonalisation), insomnia that never seems to end, and non stop racing negative thoughts to the point I've nearly taken my own life a few times. feel like it has slowly started to get better after all the different councelling and medication. but I feel like there's something else to it and that cbt and meds aren't going completely fix my issues. Came across some YouTube videos of speakers talking about holding grief causing anxiety problems, my therapist also believes this could be a part of my problem too. Does anyone know much about this? any replies greatly appreciated, thanks

shesawallflower Keys to deal with grief? [TRIGGER WARNING]
  • replies: 3

17/11 my life changed forever. I woke up for work and found my mother on the couch who had a stroke through out the night. The ambulance was called and she was rushed straight to the royal melbourne hospital. She suffered a 19mm aneurysm to her brain... View more

17/11 my life changed forever. I woke up for work and found my mother on the couch who had a stroke through out the night. The ambulance was called and she was rushed straight to the royal melbourne hospital. She suffered a 19mm aneurysm to her brain a well a lot of intense swelling. Whilst on life support on an induced coma in ICU after 3 days she sadly passed away. This was VERY UNEXPECTED I am 26 and my mother was 61. She is my best friend and my everything. The rock to my family. Her death was unfair and so heart breaking. I cannot sleep at night because I think about all the “what if’s”. I find it hard to get out of bed and have been relying on friends to help me rest my brain. I’m often dehydrated and my heart is constantly pounding. Do I need counciling, therapy, a visit to the doctor? I just find each day getting harder and harder.

avara89 My Dad just died
  • replies: 5

My Dad was so good. He was everything you could imagine a kind hearted, selfless person could be. I cannot believe he is even gone. Even writing “was” is bringing me to terms with the fact he is no longer here. I’m still half expecting him to call in... View more

My Dad was so good. He was everything you could imagine a kind hearted, selfless person could be. I cannot believe he is even gone. Even writing “was” is bringing me to terms with the fact he is no longer here. I’m still half expecting him to call in and give me a lecture about how my car needs a service or that my lawn should be mowed. It doesn’t feel real, yet he died 4 days ago. I still haven’t really accepted it. He was only 51 and leaves behind my sister, brother, mother and my two children (who ADORED him) He was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer about a year ago. Underwent chemo for eight months then, when it was discovered the chemo wasn’t doing anything, the doctors gave him 3 months to live. I watched on as he slowly deteriorated and feel like I never really got to say all the things I wanted to before he left. Why can’t I feel like he is actually gone? This is crazy.