Yes..Me Again...

[Loveanimals]

I have recently had a lot of dramas and issues with my son.  I am also caring for my dear  Dad after his surgery.  I don't resent that at all.  However I am feeling so down and depressed.  My entire life revolves around my son and my Dad.  I am exhausted, suffering from nightmares and insomnia.  Drinking too much.  Just generally in a very bad place.

It seems that everyone comes to me with their problems and issues (this is not at all about my Dad).  I listen, empathise, offer sympathy and so forth.  Then when they are ok again I am forgotten about.  This happens all the time with the few people I allow into my life. My son is of course the biggest contender as he lives with me.  I have to tolerate his tantrums, his emotional shifts, his selfishness and entitlement.  I have NO CHOICE.  I would never kick him out and there is absolutely nowhere else he could go.  He is putting me into an early grave.  As for the others...well.....I run around after them, help them.  Look after their kids/pets etc.  Then.....nothing.  

Due to this I feel totally numb and as if my life is not worth anything unless it is doing stuff for others.  That is all good and well but I need help too.  I am so miserable and tired of everything.  Every bloody day is another crapfest.  I only like sleeping as I have dreams that take me away from all of this.  I will never understand why I am here.  My entire life has just been one debacle after another.  I am absolutely done. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Loveanimals, 

Thank you for sharing how things are feeling for you so openly and honestly. It sounds like you have a huge amount on your plate and it is no wonder you might be feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by it all.

It can be so tough when we feel the support and care we give others is not returned. While supporting others can be a wonderful strength, it can also completely drain us. 

You deserve to feel supported, too. Please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. 

We hope that you can find some space for yourself today. You truly deserve it. 

Kind regards
Sophie M

[yggdrasil]

Hi Loveanimals,

Thank you so much for posting on here. You're in a really tough situation and as I'm sure you know there are no easy solutions. For immediate support, the numbers Sophie M provided are all very helpful - I have called them many times myself.

The pattern you describe is very relatable. For me, I had to learn to gradually set tougher and tougher boundaries with the people around me. This was the hardest thing imaginable to do, and took many years of failed attempts. Don't be afraid if it gets to the point of having to cut some people off entirely - at least temporarily.

People can be very clever at making you feel selfish for prioritizing your own sanity, but it's absolutely essential. You may even find that family and friends are eventually better off, and your relationships improve with some "tough love". We all want to view ourselves as bottomlessly empathetic, but supporting all those people inevitably takes a toll.

Are you connected with some good carers services? Trying to get as much "you time" as you can sounds important at this stage. Wishing you the best,

yggdrasil