Hello, this may be long. My family has a history of generational trauma
and my parents grew up in a time where domestic violence was widely
common and accepted. As a result my parents weren't really good with the
whole parenting aspect of life. In my...
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Hello, this may be long. My family has a history of generational trauma
and my parents grew up in a time where domestic violence was widely
common and accepted. As a result my parents weren't really good with the
whole parenting aspect of life. In my early years of being a kid, I have
a lot of memories of my parents constantly yelling and trashing the
house. It gradually stopped over the years once the police got involved.
However the following years were rough, my mum was especially stressed
due to many reasons and often took it out on her kids growing up. She
was verbally abusive, threatened us a lot, would priorities everything
else over her own kids, including her reputation, and would keep us in
the house because the outside is too dangerous. She would gatekeep us
from seeing certain friends or family that she did not like but would
force us to act friendly with her friends to make her look better.
Growing up with this treatment, I didn't realise it was "wrong" because
it was all I knew and eventually I broke down in my senior year of high
school because I could not take it anymore. I was diagnosed with
depression at the time but they suspect I probably had it for a longer
period. My relationship with her is a lot better now but I have an
extreme one-sided love/hate relationship with her. I struggle with
severe flashbacks and nightmares that keep me up at night and on these
days, my hatred for her is obvious in daily life and sometimes I can't
handle seeing her. The flashback has been recently difficult the last
few weeks and I'm teary everyday, its difficult to get out of bed, I'm
constantly tire and nauseous, I oversleep to avoid dealing with real
life and I forget things that I did a few seconds ago. I have just
started a full time job and that has been the main reason forcing me to
get out of bed and be active. However I have been making a lot of
mistakes at work and that has weighing on my shoulders and have been
making me spiral into self-doubt and feeling worthless, just like my mum
did when she was raising me. I have resorted to hurting myself
discreetly as a way to cope and I know its not healthy but its the only
way I know off that keeps my calm. The point is, I feel like I haven't
made any progress since back then and its been difficult for me to get
up everyday knowing that I will be exhausting myself fighting and
suppressing against these negative thoughts and feelings.
How do I talk to my doctor?
