Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Christina.  What you say is pretty much what my psych told me as well, together with the probability that he is a narcissist.  She told me also to be very careful if I ever decided to up and leave.  Yes he is trying to control me, and yes he is insanely jealous.  He always has been.  I used to think it showed that he was strong and protective. At the time I met him thats what I needed, but I was wrong.  As far as not believing him when he tells me all these hurtful things?  Its hard when you continually get put down and made to feel totally useless, as you start to believe that it is true. After all, it must be right.  He knows me better than anybody else does, so he would know.

So you are telling me what I should already know, but am finding hard to accept.  But if things dont improve soon, I may just be forced to do something about it.  I hope it doesnt come to that though.

Sherie xx

[Guest_1055]

Dear Sherie,

I'm sorry that you go through all of this. Do you feel any better venting it out, or just letting it all out on here? I do wish I could help you, because if I knew how, I definitely would. I know you are struggling so very much.  And the fact that you don't get much quality sleep would make it more of a struggle, I think......Here is another hug for you, just in case you need one.

I think you are right when you say it is unreasonable for your husband to behave the way he does. I am no expert, but he sounds very insecure to me. And his need to control you doesn't seem right either. It even makes me feel sad that he is like that.

I don't know what else to say, except I  know without any doubt that you are so very precious, more then you realise. You do matter. I simply have to hug you again now, in hope you will feel how precious you actually are.

With much love

Shell xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Moonstruck.  I thank you for your lovely comments about me.  How sweet of you!

Regarding hubby, everyone thinks he's just wonderful - charming, witty, clever, the perfect husband.  But they dont know him behind closed doors!

I guess he is actually quite insecure in a way, and thats why he has to exert his power over me.  Easy pickings!

The horrible things he says to me always really hurt at the time.  Later I try to sort through it in my own mind and try to convince to myself that they arent true.  But thats hard.  Sometimes its as if he realises that he has overstepped the mark, and is then sooo nice for a few days, explaining that it was my fault for somehow riling him up.  And its no use arguing the point, you just accept it so as not to rile him up again.  So nothing ever really gets resolved.  And things just simmer along, feeling as though you are treading on eggshells, until the next time he blows up for no reason.

It just becomes the normal thing I guess, and I havent really known anything different for the past 15 years or more.  Of course I have never told anybody, and never will.  Well, other than you guys here!   ( - :

As I said last night, I just needed to 'vent'.  With everything else happening at the moment, I am less able to ride out the ups and downs of living with an alcoholic narcissist.

Thanks Moonstruck for you support.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Shell .......  Hey, how are you doing today?

Yes I think it does help to 'vent' like this.  As I said recently in an earlier post, I have only ever told my psych about this personal stuff.  I could never tell anybody else.  I dont really have any friends to speak to about it, as they are all his friends.  The few friends I used to have are long gone because of hubby's jealousy.

Of course I know what he does is not reasonable, nor warranted.  But it has become the normal way of life.  And if I am going to stay, then I just have to accept it.  I know he will never change, he is incapable of changing.  This makes me sad too.

And I am at present in my most vulnerable state and thus not as capable of withstanding the onslaught as well as I  normally do.

Anyway your kind words, and knowing that you care, made me cry just now.  I think that helps too.

I will be okay, so dont worry.  I'm used to this.

Your hugs are gratefully accepted, and returned with love.  

Sherie xx

[Guest_1055]

Dear Sherie

You are right crying does help, doesn't it? It helps let everything out. Just let it all go, just let it all go.......

I mean I know a great deal about crying, I have had tons and tons of experience at it. I am trying to be light hearted here, Sherie. But I am unsure if I am good at it. But it is true about the crying.

I am leaving a hug here for you again. Just in case you read this thread at your usual early morning wake up.

Also please feel free to reply or not reply to this post. There is no pressure at all. I understand you are struggling and most likely need so much sleep my friend. I just wanted to make sure there was a hug here for you to collect if needed or wanted.

I do hope you sleep better.

With much love

Shell xx

[Bluey_moon]

Sherie, 

Hi hon! I don't know what to say, I'm so very so for what you are going through in top of what is a very hard time for you! My heart breaks that such a sweet beautiful person should have to go through so much! 

I wish I could give you this really brilliant advice, but I cant, but I can say I'm a good listener! 

Many loves and hugs your way! You are an amazing, amazing person, never ever let anyone convince you otherwise 

skye

[Guest_5218]

Hey everyone.  I just wanted to say that I am so very touched that you all have so much going on in your own lives, and yet you take the time out to respond to me.  Thats lovely and I am very grateful that I have your support.

Shelley - I received your hug early this morning.  Many thanks, it was very comforting while I couldnt sleep.

Skye - You are a good listener, and I appreciate that.  And thanks for your very kind words.  It all helps.

Love to you all,

Sherie xx

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, thanks for your contributions to this thread. 

It's raised a lot of issues, and in the interests of exploring them more fully and helping other members get involved in these discussions, we're going to close this thread as it's gotten quite long and gone in a number of different directions from the original post.

Please feel free to start new threads on any issues raised within this discussion that you want to explore further, or if you'd just like to connect with other members in a friendly, general way, you can head to the BB Cafe thread.

Thank you.