Depression

Depression affects people in Australia every day. Share your own story and learn about other member’s experiences with depression.

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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 8

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 0

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Dw1969 Im so lost and need help.
  • replies: 4

Hi my name's David, Im 44yo and my partner and I were both diagnosed Hiv positive about 3 years ago now. At the time we were both quite ill, my health has improved greatly with the help of the anti viral meds, however my partner is still quite ill, h... View more

Hi my name's David, Im 44yo and my partner and I were both diagnosed Hiv positive about 3 years ago now. At the time we were both quite ill, my health has improved greatly with the help of the anti viral meds, however my partner is still quite ill, he has cirrhosis of the liver which is taking it's toll on him and his doctors recently found some lesions on his spleen which could possibly be lymphoma, so now we are waiting on test results. He has been sick for so long now and has enough problems of his own that I don't want him to have to worry about me as well, so I have been putting on this front that everything is ok with me when it's not the case, I'm so lost and need help, I don't know what to do anymore or who to turn to, I have no friends and no close family to talk to. I've been depressed for about 12 months now, maybe longer, I can't remember the last time I felt good about myself or anything else, I've tried talking to both my Hiv specialist and my local GP a few times now and they just don't seem to listen to me or understand how I feel. The last month or so things have gotten worse, I started a new job 10 weeks ago, but haven't been to work for nearly 3 weeks now, I just get all nervous and anxious and can't bring myself to go in. Out of desperation I've lied to my boss telling her there was a death in the family and I had to go interstate, now I'm just ignoring her phone calls. I've been lying to my partner as well, telling him that they cut my shifts down to 1 shift per week and just going and sitting in the park when he thinks I'm at work, this last week I told him I had no shifts at all. I feel so awful, I've really reached a low, I don't know what to do, I'm so close to losing it completely, I've got no interest in anything anymore, everything is just too much of an effort. I keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole and can't see any way out, I've never felt this bad before I need to get help and don't know where to go. How do I find a good GP in the Parramatta area that might be able to help.

UniqueGirl My Depression and health is ruining my marriage and friendships.
  • replies: 2

I feel as tho I am losing control, About 4 years ago i got diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy which affected my eyes. I have lost my eye sight on my left and I am close to losing my right eye sight. I didnt know i had diabetes until all this happene... View more

I feel as tho I am losing control, About 4 years ago i got diagnosed with diabetic retinopathy which affected my eyes. I have lost my eye sight on my left and I am close to losing my right eye sight. I didnt know i had diabetes until all this happened to me. My whole world came tumbling down when I had found out, I had just gotten married and i was ready to start my life with the man I loved, but instead i have been going through hell and everything went from being good to worse. Because I got ill, I had to leave my job so then we had a financial strain and had to sell our home because my husbands wage could barely pay the mortgage let alone the bills and day to day expenses. Everything changed for me when it all happened. I became more depressed and the people i thought i could trust and be there for me where nowhere to be seen while going through this. I sit at home all day and some days i dont want to get out of bed. I would stay up all night and sleep all day . My husband works afternoon shift so i dont see why i should be awake while he isnt here... I want to get out and about but I have no one .. I have no friends and my family is a joke not to mention my husbands family. Makes it hard when the only person you talk to is your husband .. and sometimes he doesnt know how to comfort me when I am in the state of giving up on life. I have been suffering from depression for 20 years but the last 4 years my anxiety levels have been very high. I guess i wanna make some friends and perhaps that will help me to speak and have someone other than my husband to speak to and hang out with.

JosieH72 Is there an end? Is there a solution cause I'm sick of Managing!
  • replies: 4

I'm 40. I'm a single mum of two boys aged 8 and 10. I run my own small, home based business. I have "Depression" well that's the word I use. My last counsellor didn't like to "label". I was first diagnosed with Depression when I was 16. I had my ups ... View more

I'm 40. I'm a single mum of two boys aged 8 and 10. I run my own small, home based business. I have "Depression" well that's the word I use. My last counsellor didn't like to "label". I was first diagnosed with Depression when I was 16. I had my ups and down throughout my life. Always dropping into "Depression" when things got hard. I've done the meds, I've done so many different forms of counselling. Things got bad when I became a mum. Things got worse when I split from my husband when the boys were 1 & 3. I've been fighting hard ever since. I haven't been suicidal for a good 5 years. I'm better than I've ever been. I've let go of the past so that no longer feeds my Depression. As I started to get better from the Depression I started having Anxiety attacks. The doctor explain that it's "all on the same continuum". When my kids dad left town and stop regular fortnightly access I started having panic attacks, that was 2 years ago. I "manage" it all fairly well. I've got strategies, I can pick myself up and keep going. I can "function" BUT I can't stand this pain any more. The pain in my heart. The loneliness. The emptiness. I use all sorts of new age stuff too to "change my thinking", "be positive" but I can't change the fact that I am absolutely on my own. I've got friends, those that are still around are in the same position as me so that can't support me. They are actually worse so I tend to support them, although at least they understand. The rest just walk away with "too hard", "too emotional". "too demanding" etc etc. I spent years tring to "fix". I've come to terms with the fact I don't fix so I've given up trying. "I'll just be me and the right people will come into my life". There are people around me that care but none of them know the truth. None of them know my heart or my head. No one knows how much I cry. No one knows how much it hurts. I want help. I want a solution. I'm sick of "talking". I'm sick of fighting just to keep my head up, just to function. I really do understand why people kill themselves. My thoughts are there but I know it's no out either as I believe you just have to come back and do it all again anyways so I mose well try and figure it out now rather than passing on the legacy to my kids and the pain to those that I know love me, those that logically I know would feel my loss. I don't even have the hate any more to want them to suffer, which also sucks. At least back then there was some pleasure at the thought that I could hurt them as much as they hurt me. Why do I feel so empty. So Unloved. I just want someone to love me. Really love and value me. My kids do as kids do but I want what I give to my kids. My mum loves me, I know she does "in her own way". She's a better mum than her mum was. I'm a better mum than my mum is but my family is messed up. She doesn't understand me, I've tried to talk to her. I've tried to talk to people but I just can't find a way to permanently get out of this shithole. No matter how "good" I get. No matter what I do. I keep coming back here. I don't stay as long, I get out quicker, I stay out longer. It's less debilitating and affects my life less. BUT I'm so flippen sick and tired of being here. I'm so tired of fighting. I feel so trapped, so alone with no solution. No out... Just time, working hard and fighting, always fighting to get just that little bit better, that little bit more stable.

Peachy1 How do i deal with it?
  • replies: 53

Hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, when we first met things were fantastic. he was such a lovely man and he still is to this day, however, things have been different for quite some time. with the loss of a loved one a few years before he ... View more

Hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, when we first met things were fantastic. he was such a lovely man and he still is to this day, however, things have been different for quite some time. with the loss of a loved one a few years before he met me, he still struggles to move on. he doesnt talk about it but he is depressed i think and no matter how much he says he wants help he is procrastinating. I have given so much to our relationship and have loved doing it, but it is getting really draining for me. i want to have the best life i can and i want him to be in it with me but he doesnt do anything really, he sits at home, doesnt work, plays games all day, i come home from work and do everything. i try to talk to him and get him motivated but he is so defensive and feel like im getting nowhere! what can i do? the other thing that is affected is our sex life, we used to be really intimate all the time and now its like an effort for him or a 'chore' - he says he loves me and i believe he does but its just not the same. he looks at porn all the time i know it he tries to deny it. he doesnt understand that if we had a healthy sex life i wouldnt care if he did that (i might care but not as much) but he cant do that and then not be intimate. im at my witts end.. i love him but i want him to grow up and get through things and be a man he complains all the time.. well he needs to fix himself? thanks

m-gal Feels like the end.
  • replies: 8

I don't want to be here. I dont want to exist and I don't see it getting better. My friends don't understand and I'm so mad at everything all the time that I can't stand to be around anything or anyone. The effort of just lifting my head from my feet... View more

I don't want to be here. I dont want to exist and I don't see it getting better. My friends don't understand and I'm so mad at everything all the time that I can't stand to be around anything or anyone. The effort of just lifting my head from my feet feels like enough to kill me. The only reason I havent given up is because I can't even imagine what that would do to my family. My best friend the only person I ever thought I could live for feels a million miles away. See he used to understand, but now he has a girlfriend and now it just feels like he doesnt want anything but to run from me and enjoy his happiness. I self harm. How well I hide it makes me sick. Im so tired and I hate my family purely because I feel like it is their fault I have to live. When really, I just dont want to.

nghia91 Entirely lost.
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm a 21 year old male. I dropped out of school half way through year 12 from the most prestigious school in the state. I've never finished anything in my life. Things have gone badly, I don't know where i stand anymore. When I sit down, I relive... View more

Hi, I'm a 21 year old male. I dropped out of school half way through year 12 from the most prestigious school in the state. I've never finished anything in my life. Things have gone badly, I don't know where i stand anymore. When I sit down, I relive all the moments that brought me where I am today, as a failure and incompetent fool. I've recently broken up with my girlfriend who I loved more than anything I've ever known. She was too good to me, I didn't deserve her so I left her. I impregnated my ex, 2 years ago. We got an abortion. She never thought anything of it. To this very minute I can't stop thinking of how selfish I had been and the potential life that I took. My parents smile at me, but I know my father loathes me. I'm not suicidal or anything. I have trouble keeping friends. I keep telling myself, that I just need to deal with it, and that's the bottom line, but there must be something I'm missing, because I'm stuck in one spot as the rest of the world flies by me. I don't need any pity or sympathy. I just need somebody to be harshly honest with me because right now I feel like a coward.

shiloh2768 Will the battle ever end?
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im new to this site and am kicking myself I never found it earlier. My story is that I've been living with depression for over 20 years now and have been on medication for 13 years straight. I was one of those that was diagnosed at a hospital and... View more

Hi, Im new to this site and am kicking myself I never found it earlier. My story is that I've been living with depression for over 20 years now and have been on medication for 13 years straight. I was one of those that was diagnosed at a hospital and then forgotten about. No one ever advised me about therapy or that meds were only a temporary measure. Unfortunately, the meds have such strong side effects that stopping them is just about out of the question. Im currently on Day 4 of my "crash". The insomnia has hit, the lethargy has hit, the sensitivity has hit, the lack of interest has hit and so has the confusion. I haven't eaten properly. My partner has given up on me. He thinks Im using depression as an excuse and that deep down Im just a lazy person with no motivation who doesn't want to be in the same bed as him. WTF!? I guess Im lucky in that I can recognise the signs of when a depression attack is coming, but it is still damn hard to deal with. I've also noticed that suicidal thoughts are becoming more prominent which is scary. Unfortunately, my family live interstate and I have no friends where I currently live, so my partner has to deal with me and he is not coping well. Lately, he has been telling me that Im lazy and stupid and that I have no valid reason to cry. Which in turn brings on the feelings of guilt and worthlessness which leads to shutting down which leads to.....you get the picture. My GP is useless and the one doctor I did find that wanted to help me couldn't. I don't qualify for the governments mental health plan at the moment. So, no counselling for me. The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter and granddaughter who also live interstate. If I didn't have them, I would probably have ended it ages ago. Thanks for letting me speak.

Catatonic When the future looks so black
  • replies: 6

How do you continue... When the future looks so black? When your mind is only telling you one way out? But that would leave a trail of devastation behind you... Its so hard to keep going, but the alternative knowing that you would hurt the ones you l... View more

How do you continue... When the future looks so black? When your mind is only telling you one way out? But that would leave a trail of devastation behind you... Its so hard to keep going, but the alternative knowing that you would hurt the ones you love - isn't an option your willing to do... These thoughts consume my head a lot...

blackcorvus Battling Depression
  • replies: 17

I grew up in a violent and abusive family. My eldest brother burned my leg with a cigarette and sexually abused me. My other brother bashed me around if I looked at him the wrong way. Mum needed little excuse to thrash me with a belt or shove cake of... View more

I grew up in a violent and abusive family. My eldest brother burned my leg with a cigarette and sexually abused me. My other brother bashed me around if I looked at him the wrong way. Mum needed little excuse to thrash me with a belt or shove cake of soap into my mouth for what sh considered swearing. I was the youngest, the whipping boy. By my late 20's I realized there was something wrong with me. I'd sit in my little room and just cry my eyes out. I'd got out of work and going out to put in my dole form was a major effort. In the bus the feeling of panic would get worse and build. I broke down crying talking to a social worker at Social Security. I ended up spending 3 months in hospital. I got to the stage where I thought I was a worthwhile person and could give to others. Now at 59 I don't know what the years of battling have been for. Just back at feeling that I don't fit in anywhere or with anyone. Too many disappointments.

Budge Hopeless
  • replies: 4

i couldn't face another day I was fed up of being fed up and knew I desperately needed help. Sitting before the doctor I poured out out my soul. Sympathetically he nodded and smiled then printed off a list of questions. Once done each question was sc... View more

i couldn't face another day I was fed up of being fed up and knew I desperately needed help. Sitting before the doctor I poured out out my soul. Sympathetically he nodded and smiled then printed off a list of questions. Once done each question was scored, adding up the total he remarked that I had a high score, "Im going to refer you for counselling, prescribe some anti-depressants and send you off to see a psychiatrist". Again I poured out my soul to the counsellor. I struggled to understand how raking up the past helped, going over and over things for me just didn't make things better. It culminated in long uncomfortable silences. I didn't bother going again. The anti depressants nearly pushed me over the edge. One of the biggest under statements I've ever heard came from my GP as he explained how the medication worked "it would get worse before its get better". Then with increasing doses I made the mistake, once feeling relatively well of thinking I no longer needed them. The mess I spiralled down into is hard to explain and was only elevated by going back on the medication, which in itself left me wondering if to stay sane I now had to take tablets for the rest of my life. Sitting in the waiting room of the mental health clinic I looked around at those waiting with me. They all looked troubled in one way or another. I wondered what they thought of me. The psychiatrist, who i thought looked more mental than I did, printed off yet another question and answer sheet and noted my response. I remember him asking if there was any history of mental illness in my family... I didn't think so. But later my Dad mentioned that my Grandfather had had a mental breakdown, which had taken him 2 years to recover from. I began to wonder if it was hereditary and if my son would have to suffer this nightmare also. Finally I was asked if id had any suicidal thoughts. I answered honestly, that I had. It was all I could think of, it never left me. I saw death as a natural relief and the only way out of what I was going through. Moving on to the next question he bluntly ask me why I hadn't killed myself. This stumped me, made me feel that I'd had this thing on my to do list and I really should just stop complaining and get on with it........ I didn't go home, but instead went to a friends place. On the way I began to cry, uncontrollably it lasted for almost a week and then i slept for what felt like twice as long. And when I came round I found it was the menial things that helped, ironing and washing dirty pots. I struggled to motivate myself to go out I couldn't face anyone. When things got really tough when i could get into gear I found going to the beach cleared my mind and then returning home some 4 months later i began to draw on the love and patience of my family. But things aren't right. Im sick of what fells like everyone asking if Im ok or saying that they love me. I still just want to be left alone. I accept that I'm better than i was but this now is me and now how it will be, hopeless. I think about ending my life.