Depression desperation!

[Dinosaur_duck]

Im new here, but I just needed this out...I'm so confused but I'm finally admitting to myself today I'm depressed...I know I need to see someone but that is gonna be near impossible today and our local hospital is useless...

I feel like I must be the reason my marriage of nearly 6 years is broken down....my husband doesn't appear to care and has been pushing me away (and telling me to stop pushing him away...I'm not though...at least I don't think I am)...I can be curled up on the floor crying an my husband would appear angry that I was crying and ask me "what  are you doing?"

but now we are separated....his decision....not mine.....I'm not coping well today....as I realised this morning all our mutual friends appear to be talking to him and ignoring me....I'm feeling so alone...I tried to voice this to my husband when he came to pick up our son and he just looked at me and called me stupid..
.I can't do anything right anyway!

writing this down it seems I've been conditioned into being depressed, and I dunno how much truth there could be to that...I know my side may be bias but I need it out! I feel like I'm eating my time here and I'm just a pain to everyone 

i just feel like no matter what it's never gonna get better.....I'm gonna be like this forever....

[Neil_1]

Hi there D.D.

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.   Also I must say that I’m intrigued by your name, AND it is a good one.  🙂

I’m going to try and work through your post and break it down – so may pose a few questions back to you, so I hope that’s ok?

Admitting to yourself that you are (or could be) depressed is a huge thing and well done for acknowledging this, and well done on coming here and posting about it.  Now with regard to seeing someone, that’s awesome too, but D.D. it doesn’t have to be today.  Just whenever you’re able to make an appointment with a doctor is the key thing here.

If your local hospital is as you say it is, then yes, I would be steering clear of it also.

I’m sorry to read that you and your husband have separated – but do you feel this is a trial or has he expressed otherwise to you?   I certainly don’t approve of his behaviour to you, where he just doesn’t seem to care for how badly down you are and not providing you with any support, which I’m sensing that you are so needing.  Someone to listen or to comfort you or just a shoulder to lean on – because you’re doing it heaps tough at the moment.

I was also appalled to read what he called you when he came to pick up your son;  that’s just disgusting and no-one needs to hear anything like that – let alone from someone who you’ve been married to for 6 years.  That’s just ultra low in my books.

On this site NO ONE is a pain, NO ONE is eating into other people’s time.  EVERY ONE is treated with care, humility, respect, honesty and above all else, every one on this site is give 100% support.   Something that I wish that you might be able to receive in person very soon.

I hope by initially coming here and posting, it may have helped even just a little to ‘unload’.  I do hope you can come back again and post again, cause I would love to hear how you’re going right now?

Kind regards

Neil

[Dinosaur_duck]

Hi Neil,

 thanks for posting a reply. I feel good knowing someone is listening and understands 🙂 

 I have managed to talk to my mother inlaw as we are pretty good friends, mostly because I wanted to know if she knew anything about this separation as I'm still confused as to why?  But she has told me that her son said it was repairable, which is a relief...my MIL has also gone through a separation with her husband in the past but thy managed to work it out, so I guess I wanted her advice, some of which I am taking on board.....but the main point is we both agreed I need to get back on track an on the up hill climb before attempting to sort that out 🙂 

baby steps and one step at a time! I've gotta walk before I run, and put myself first for a change. I have managed to climb out of the pit I found myself in on Saturday and I'm seeing some light 🙂 I know it won't last long and I will find another pit to hide in but I'm enjoying the light while I can

[Neil_1]

Hi there Dino Duck

Thanx for providing your latest response.

That was good news to read that you were still able to be in touch with your MIL and to get her thoughts, advice but also the info that she heard from your husband.

You hit the nail right on the head when you said, “you need to put yourself first for a change”.  Brilliant words and very awesome advice.

Slow and steady does it and if you want to stay here and keep on posting, then you know there’ll be folk here who will be only too happy to reach back out to you and provide a supportive (if not, electronic) shoulder to lean on.

Kind regards

Neil