I need a distraction

chloe33 · ‎22-04-2015

I hurt all over. I don't really know what else to say. I've tried, but cannot seem to find a solution. Everything feels like it is too much. Who has felt like they're done with it all but then pulled through?

Neil_1 · ‎23-04-2015

Hi there Chloe

Firstly, hang in there – there’s stacks of people on this site who’ve been in this situation and we’re still around – so I say hang in there, as we’re here and we’ll be here for as long as you’d like – to try and advise you, to possibly guide you, but to 100% support you.

I would now like to say also, welcome to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and providing your post – quite succinct, and yet it spells out an awful lot.

Things just get so heavy for you and weigh you down and that’s where it feels like it’s all too hard, too much, unbearable. These times are really tough, but now is not the time to sit down and wait – because we’ll just stay in the horrible place where we currently are stuck at.

Pulling through is what this will be all about – what close by supports do you have in place Chloe? Ie: doctors, counsellors, perhaps family or friends?? Any meds that you’re on?

When you say you’ve tried, that’s heaps pleasing to read – but you weren’t able to find a solution – ok, and I can understand that, because oh so often, this does happen. And for some things, a solution might not even be able to be found, but that doesn’t mean we give up. It means we keep trying “different” sources/avenues to try and ease the situation. I know it can get exhausting and frustrating, but that’s the nature of this beast – it’s such a vastly different illness to all the other medical illnesses that are out there, but we have to keep trying. Sometimes (in very few occasions, I believe) others might be able to step in and provide their own help, but for the most part, it is up to US to continue seeking out different helping methods.

I could go on, but feel I’m rambling a bit and really do want to send this off to you and hope very much to hear from you again.

Kind regards

Neil

geoff · ‎23-04-2015

dear Chloe, we know how you feel, because we have been through the same situation, it never changes, as my good friend Neil has replied back to you with some very sound suggestions, advice and definitely help, because what happens is that we just seem to go around in circles, never to be able to find a solution.

We may try different AD's and not get any satisfaction from a psych or perhaps your doctor, but as much as we hurt and feel that we are not bothered and want to give up and succumb to this illness, but there is an underlying feeling or we can call it an urge to want to get better, even after years of being depressed, we give up but then we have an urge to get better.

We may not be conscious of this fact but there are so many issues that we want to improve, but don't have the strength to even try, until one day something sparks in us, just out of the blue, or by what someone says to us that motivates us to give it another push.

Many of us have pulled through, but we unfortunately we are never completely free, as I've overcome my depression but I still have relapses, but now I'm so much stronger to know that I will get better, so there is a solution and please remember that all of us are right behind you, and want to help you as best as we can.

Please have trust in us. Geoff.

White_Rose · ‎23-04-2015

Dear Chloe

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Sometimes it feels as though you have been beaten all over it hurts so much. I know it doesn't stop the pain but sometimes it helps to know others have been there and survived. In fact come out the other end feeling whole and competent. So welcome to Beyond Blue where we will support and care for you.

I'm not sure what your situation is so may be making suggestions about things you already do. Please bear with me in that case.

Have you been to your GP? Psychologist? Psychiatrist? Counsellor? Are you taking any medication? When you feel this bad the first step really is a visit to your GP. When you make an appointment say it is urgent and ask for long appointment. It often helps to write down your thoughts and feelings beforehand so you do not forget anything.

In the meantime try to do some small things. I understand the effort this takes and you do not really want to do anything. Please try to do something fairly small each day. Getting out of bed and having a shower, making your bed, walking around your garden and looking at how many plants are growing, sitting on your verandah or patio if you have one and having a cuppa. These are small things but they move you from one place to another, from one view to another. And it can definitely help.

Even making a phone call to a friend or family member is good. Don't talk about how you feel if this makes you uncomfortable. Just have a chat for as long as you can manage.

I will stop here and wait for your reply. Tell us what is happening in your life and we will be able to offer more help and support.

Mary

JessF · ‎24-04-2015

Hello Chloe, I have felt like this before, in fact sometimes I still feel it. Sometimes distractions in themselves are a solution, because you need something, a life raft if you will, to tide you over until the emotions subside. You have pulled through before, and you will pull through again, and each time you do you will start to trust yourself a little more when the overwhelming feelings return.

What kind of activities do you enjoy doing, what absorbs you? Do you like to watch funny movies, do you like to go for walks, is there a particular friend or group of friends you like to see or spend time with? You can start to come up with a list of these things and make a 'wellness kit' that you can dip into whenever the feelings return.

chloe33 · ‎24-04-2015

Thank you all for your replies. It's taken me a couple of days to feel strong enough to post again. I am currently taking anti depressants and something to help me sleep. I am however plagued by dreams and sometimes need to remind myself what is reality and what is not. They are so real that sometimes I feel like I have lived these moments. I have weekly appointments with my GP and some conversations with a psychologist but feel like I have gone backwards. I often feel like I am different people. I find it hard to be honest with them because I am so used to being the one in control. I self harm and then feel ashamed and angry at myself because I have such beautiful people in my life trying to help me. I cannot seem to get those words out, so everything I do seems pointless.

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JessF · ‎27-04-2015

Hello Chloe, are you talking to anyone about the self-harm? I know it's hard not to feel ashamed and angry, but you are doing this because your brain is struggling to cope with the feelings you're having, it's not because you're trying to hurt those around you. It's important to talk to your psychologist and GP about the self-harm so they can give you some techniques and alternatives to do when you feel like self-harming. I can understand now why you were asking about distraction.

Poor sleep with vivid, upsetting dreams is a tough one, I have been through periods like this and you wake up feeling completely unrefreshed and exhausted, you feel like you've been living another life for 8 hours. How long have you been having the dreams? Did they start before taking the sleeping medication? Sometimes I have found side effects around medication can affect the way I sleep, including dreams.

Another thing I have found is that what I listen to in bed can have an effect on my dreams. Try downloading some pleasant nature sounds, or ambient tranquil music, and have this going in earbud headphones when you lay down to sleep. It can make a world of difference.