Don't really want to talk...

Leave-me-alone · ‎16-04-2015

Hi, I am new to this. Haven't really spoken to anyone about how I feel, just slightly mentioned to two friends quite a while ago but that's it. Don't even think they remember anymore. I haven't been diagnosed, don't really want to go to a GP. I don't want to tell someone how I feel who just listens to you because they get paid for it. Also, I don't want to tell anyone I am close with to not make them feel bad. I have moved to Australia a few years ago as I thought I might be happier here or at least I would be ok with being by myself as I didn't know anyone here. I found friends but moved again because of a new job so I am by myself again. I don't have problems meeting or talking to people but currently I don't want to meet anyone anyways. I feel so lonely, especially not having a partner - have been single for a long time - and this is what probably frustrates me most. I feel like I won't find anyone who really cares about me. I don't want to do this anymore but I would feel bad for my siblings and parents if I did something to myself. Didn't really want to talk about anything and especially not whinge as I know this doesn't help but I don't know what would help. Depression medicine would be good but that means talking to someone who doesn't know you and doesn't care about you. Anyone else feels the same?

White_Rose · ‎17-04-2015

Dear Leave-me-alone

A hearty welcome to Beyond Blue. This is the place to say whatever you want, secure in the knowledge that we care and will help and support you as much as possible. No one knows who you are. Please continue to write.

Can you tell us a little about yourself? For example, where were you living before coming to Oz? Only give the information you are comfortable with. It's not an inquisition. I come from England and was born in Birmingham. I have lived here for 45 years. Several trips 'home' to see the family but would never leave Oz permanently.

So often we see ourselves as whingers when we talk about our depression. Yet if we have the 'flu it's OK to talk. That's the nature of depression. It makes us feel like failures or nuisances, someone who cannot get their act together. NOT TRUE. It really is the depression talking and colouring our thinking.

On the other hand it is wise not to broadcast our emotions or our depression. Not that it is something to be ashamed of but because many people do not understand depression and will make all sorts of unhelpful remarks that in turn make us feel even worse.

I don't know what your experience of doctors is but I have rarely found any doctor uncaring. Of course they don't know you on your first visit, just as you do not much about those you meet for the first time. It is a getting to know you process. Don't let this deter you from getting help from your GP.

If you do not have a GP then consult the list on BB. Go to Get Support on the above tabs then click on Find a Professional. Then you an search by postcode. These doctors are all experienced in mental health issues. It's a good start. The fact is that they are professional people with a wealth of experience. Mostly our friends have little knowledge or experience.

I also suggest you explore the BB web site and read the large amount of information about depression and anxiety. You can download this stuff or ask BB to send you printed copies. It's free. Be as informed as possible.

Another option is to phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636. It's available 24/7. You can also chat on line between 3:00pm and midnight with BB people. These people are also very caring, trained in mental health issues, and not paid. Click on Web Chat at the top of the page.

Folk who write on BB have their own experiences of depression which they are willing to share. When you respond to this post you will find many more people will be happy to give you support and comfort.

Mary

Leave-me-alone · ‎18-04-2015

Hi Mary

thanks for your reply. I have made an appointment with a gp for something else but will mention it if I have time left. I feel ok today, Thursday evening was really bad but I know there are days when it is bad and then I go back to normal and feel a little bit embarrassed about how I felt earlier. I also talked to a friend via chat on that evening. Still not happy to talk about it. Medication would be great 🙂 but yeah I knoe I have to talk to someone first to get medication. Does anything over the counter help? Serotonin or St Johns Wort? Thanks and have a nice day

S

geoff · ‎18-04-2015

dear Leave-me-alone, I too would like to welcome you to this site, because it does take some bravery and commitment to tell other people how you are feeling, but we really appreciate your comment.

Mary as usual has given you some warm and informative incite so I do hope that you can trust us.

You can see my face but I'm more proud of my little puppie who is with me, but I have no idea of what you look like, so you're anonymous.

We also want people to have a chance to vent, this is a safe site, and now and then people are so worked up and could be afraid of talking to those they know, which stops them from getting it off their chest, but this is where they can do it, and we know how you or anybody else is feeling, because we have been there ourselves, or possibly still in this situation, and all the people on this site have encountered depression.

It's good that you have an appointment with your doctor, and can I suggest that you write down what is troubling yourself, not everything at the moment, and not until you become used to seeing him/her.

I only say this because what happens when we are going to see them, is that we begin to feel much better, so we don't mention the main gist of why we are there, so our feelings are kept secret.

St. John's Wort is used for only mild sadness, and anything else over the counter would not help you, me or someone struggling with any sort of depression, so you're wasting your money, sorry but your pharmacist would probably agree.

Doctors have many people who are suffering from depression, they are used to someone walking in their door and I'm not feeling too well'.

There are other issues which I have not talked about, because I don't want to you off.

It would be great keep this comment going, because we truly want to help you, and definitely support you. Geoff.

White_Rose · ‎18-04-2015

Dear LMA

Thanks for your reply. Before you start talking to your GP about the other matter, tell the doc you also want to talk about depression. Then the doc can allocate time for both.

If talking to friends about depression still feels uncomfortable then talk online or by phone to BB staff. You will find them very helpful and as they do not know you there will be no embarrassment.

As Geoff has said, St John's Wort is not necessarily the best option. It's use is limited to mild depression and it can have unfortunate effects interacting with other medication. Look it up on the web.

Talk to the doc first and make sure you are not making the situation worse. As far as I know serotonin is not available over the counter, only by prescription. Drugs of this nature need to be monitored. I understand it's a drag returning to your GP regularly, but it really is the safest path.

Yes, embarrassment is a big problem. I have lost count of the times I have said or done something that several days later I am cringing about. The amazing thing is that the person on the receiving end has usually forgotten what I said. Try not to beat yourself up about these things. It sounds easy but in reality it can be difficult. You do need to forgive yourself and also learn to wait a few seconds before speaking to allow the brain time to kick in. There are heaps of times when I wonder if I have a brain at all.

I look forward to hearing about your visit to your GP if you would like to share.

Mary

Leave-me-alone · ‎24-04-2015

Hi, thank you both for your replies. I feel a bit silly or maybe the better description is as if someone else wrote the initial post as I feel totally normal most of the time and cannot understand how something could bring down my mood so much. Not sure how this will work when I should tell the GP about it as I feel like nothing happened. You know when you go grocery shopping when you are hungry and when you are not? The result in your cart is very different 😉 will see how I go and if I mention it or not. And won't buy anything over the counter. Thanks for those information, too! Wishing you guys a happy weekend and thanks again for your answers.

JessF · ‎24-04-2015

Hello Leave, a lot of depression and anxiety manifests itself in us making assumptions about the future, and about things we cannot know for a fact. Such as: who we will meet in the future, what others think about us, and so on. Part of moving forward one step at a time can be to acknowledge you have a feeling that you won't meet anyone nice for a partner in the future, and then acknowledge that this is a feeling, not a fact. Likewise with your feeling that a doctor wouldn't care about you.

Accept your feelings, acknowledge them as such, but move forward anyway. Perhaps push yourself to go to that social function on the weekend that you would otherwise not have gone to. Think in smaller blocks of time: in this example, what would you have to lose by going out to that function? It's a couple of hours out, and nothing more, it doesn't determine your entire relationship future. And given that you have said you don't have problems meeting people, it's likely to at least be a better distraction than sitting at home ruminating.