Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_5218]

Why is it that I always seem to get things so wrong?  My heart feels heavy and seems to be beating from the pit of my stomach.  I slept little last night and wept much, thinking how I had managed to spoil things for everyone here, by getting it wrong again.  I am so sorry.

I had started to think that perhaps I wasnt such a useless human being after all, but now I see that was just an illusion.  Just another thing I got wrong.  I wanted to visit my brother and his young family this week, and to be on top of my game, so that I could give them the emotional support they need as they continue to grieve their lost little angel.  Now I dont know if I can do that?  I just want to run away and hide, and to somehow make everything right again.

I need to get myself ready for work this morning.  Hopefully I dont stuff up everything there too...

Sherie 

[KTOCD]

Hi Sherie,

i came for a  'look see' in this thread to see why u were so upset. Don't take it personally. I'm sure it was not meant that way in the slightest. U do an amazing job on here and you should be very proud. 

It looks to be a 'friendly reminder' for all to stay on track. No harm done by u or anyone.

i too take things personally at times when I shouldn't, so I understand. Habit a few of us have I think. Hope u don't mind me saying that I think your thoughts may be getting away from you on this one though. Don't read too much into it. I think your thoughts may be swirling around and around in your head and growing by the minute?? I am very guilty of this myself. 

Bring your thoughts over to the BB Cafe and we can discuss there. Let me know how your day went today. U r stronger than u think u r!!! Best Wishes and sending positive thoughts

KT

[Kazzl]

No, no, no, no, no! Sherie my friend, don't let this get to you, please hun. I'm sure it wasn't meant as a reprimand. As for going off topic, that could have applied to any of us! After all, we've spent a good bit of time talking about all sorts of stuff - dogs, sheep, farms, where we live ... This thread has evolved and if there's a problem, it's that the title no longer suits the content. Don't allow it to bring you down possum!

If the way it's evolved might be putting off new posters, then unfortunately, I think that horse has already bolted, and maybe a new thread is needed of a similar title. Let's talk about that tonight.

I'm sure BB doesn't want you feeling this way, and I'm sure you and the rest of us on this thread  don't want to discourage others. There's a way we can work this out, I'm sure.

You have done so much more good that you know.

Kaz

xxxxx

[Chris_B]

Hi Sherie (and everyone), it wasn't meant as a telling-off. There's just so many great conversations and connections going on in here, it would be a shame if some of the other discussions that have started get lost for new members coming through.  

Remember also that everything posted on the forum, regardless of which thread you put it in, is public and can be seen by anyone whether they are logged in or not.

More macarons coming soon for the cafe... 🙂

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Shelley,

thank you for thinking of me. I was going to share with you all on Saturday but I got caught up and ended up taking a few days off the forum.

saturday was super hot and I woke up with my usual tense feeling and anxiety. I got up as I have been doing and checked some emails etc, but then I soon felt tired. I went back to bed! This hasn't happened before, I have never been able to fall back to sleep again, but I did, for 4 more hours! I was so happy, my boyfriend even commented and said he was pleased for me.

then I got up and did stuff with my day. The whole weekend was stinking hot and I can't say it went without any bad thoughts, I still had those occasional thoughts wondering about life and my point in it etc, but overall a good weekend. 

Yesterday at work was pretty good and I didn't even freak out when our tickets arrived for the trip. 

I just want to thank everyone. Your words and your support have meant so much over the last couple of months, I truly haven't felt as low before as I did when this relapse began. Truly worthless. But being able to be here and talk to you all has been such a gift.

i know I have more work to do but your help has gotten me where I am now.

[Durras]

Hi CW,

Sorry to hear about your very hard and difficult relapse you have been going through. I understand from past posts that you were struggling with the idea of going on a trip and I never posted cause I didn't know what to say cause I can never find the right words, things to say and don't want to come across dumb, stupid or say something wrong. This is my negative self talk going on limiting me and preventing me from doing what I want to do.

CW this is why we are all here to vent, release all our worries and clear our minds from our troubles. We have built a wonderful bond of friendships with people who truly care and it is great to know they are always here for us. You are right it is a wonderful gift.

CW we all have work to do, I think this is to be on going but remember we are getting stronger and better every day cause we are healing.

I'm not that good with words, but I hope this has helped in some way. Always remember your not alone and I am glad you have an amazing boyfriend their with you.

Durras

X

[Guest_1055]

Oh Sherie

I am a little cautious to post here, as I am scared that I will go off the topic. But I cannot hold in my love for you, that I have in my heart, it is flowing down in tears. I long to hug you, in hope you will feel some comfort.  💞

With much love to you, because you are precious.

Shelley xx

[Scotchfinger]

OK OK back on topic please  (smiley face)

Did I tell you the story of how I became worthless? In fact I was under the illusion that I was worth more. Then someone I looked up to said to young Scotch "hey Scotch, you are worthless, useless and gutless". I thought to myself "mm. you might be right. I think I'll take that on as a core self-belief." And Old Scotch finds it hard to disagree with that assessment still.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Shelley, thanks so much ...............  Again, you made me cry - but in a nice way this time, because I think you genuinely do care.  Yes, of course I have overreacted about this, but I just have had a few things going on and so I havent coped very well with things.

And work was not help today either, I had a most unproductive (totally worthless in fact) day.  First the printer/copier packed it in and I had to put in a service call.  Then when I was half way through my invoicing, there was a power outage.  Therefore I was unable to complete the tasks I had set myself for the day.  So I didnt leave with any sense of accomplishment at all.  And I'm going to worry all week about what I couldnt get done.

I want to have a worthwhile visit with my family this week.  But everything seems to be going wrong there too. Spoke to my brother yesterday and he's not too well at all. He has been referred to a psych, which is a good thing.  He is experiencing ptsd symptoms as a result of the accident in August in which his daughter died, so I really hope he follows up on it. A professional driver not being able to face the road is a bit of a problem.  He still hasnt been given the all clear by his neurologist for his broken neck, and this week he has developed blood clots again, so is back to giving himself anti-clotting injections.  Just when he thought he was getting on top of things.  

My Mum had another fall at home yesterday, and is pretty sore and sorry for herself.  Fortunately no broken bones this time.  My sister is feuding with my brother over the most petty things, and is now refusing to see or even speak to him.  I just cannot understand this.  Family can be sooo difficult sometimes.

So its kind of a few things building up on top of everything else, and it only takes the smallest thing (in this case a perceived telling-off by Chris B) to get me upset and to feel as though I am unable to do anything right and feel totally worthless as a result.  

At the end of the day, I'm not sure if my visit is well timed, or not.  I just hope I can do something worthwhile or helpful to get their lives back to some normality or at least a sense of harmony.

Hey Chicken Wings - that sounds like progress!  Good for you. Very pleasing.  I hope to be back from my trip in time to crawl into your pencil case and head off to the UK with you...........   ( - :

Scotchfinger - You're a delight!  You really are. If you ever were those things, then you arent any more.

Sherie

[Chicken_Wings]

It's back, I'm scared. I feel like a loser.

ive had 2 nights of terrible sleep, I'm so tired it's making my anxiety worse. The day of my flight is getting closer and I feel like I'm imploding. I feel so stupid being so scared.

i am doubting myself and my ability to do this. I'm trying to remind myself why I'm doing this, to see my mum, but I'm so scared. I feel guilty because my fear is stupid in comparison to what I know she has been through. I am mad at myself, I feel like an idiot, like I'm being selfish.

I just needed to tell someone.