Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_5218]

Good morning Shelley and a very happy new year to you.  And to everyone else as well.  Shelley I hope you managed to stop that mind of yours from thinking, at least for long enough to get a bit of sleep last night?

I was just reading your post Shelley about paths crossed and journeys etc.  What an amazing deep thinker you are!  There is nothing shallow or ungenuine about you.  You're a real treasure.  And thankyou so much to you, and all the others with whom I have interacted with, for all your understanding and support over the past 5 weeks.  It is greatly appreciated.  Yeah it is only 5 weeks since I joined the BB Forums, how time flies.

Shelley I dont recall you talking about your son before. How old is he? Tell me something more about him...  Do you have other children as well?

Does anybody have any plans for New Years Day?  We used to get together with a large group of my husbands friends and go out for lunch somewhere.  But since we moved from the farm, we have sort of lost that tradition. So I dont think we are doing anything special, just the usual chores around the house and gardens.

Have a good day ........

Sherie xx

[Kazzl]

Hi and happy new year everyone!

Shell, I didn't know you had a son! Tell us more hun. I also don't think I know what part of the country you're in, or have I missed that?

I have a message for CW about flying ... guess what? We're coming with you! In your handbag (hope it's a big one). This is a little mental trick I learned on another forum when I was getting sober. As you can imagine, people trying not to drink often got anxious about going to family gatherings, work events, holidays etc, because they would be surrounded by alcohol and the temptation would be strong. So they would imagine their forum buddies were there in their handbag (pockets for the fellas) with them. Some would take an item of some sort with them to represent their forum friends, and hold it or look at it if the urge got strong. It's just a diversion tactic, but it worked a treat for a lot of people.

So, leave room for us when you're packing, and maybe take something blue you can hold, and if you get anxious know that we're there to hold your hand.

And well done for making the booking. I'm looking forward to it, we can chat for hours! Hope there's some good movies on the flight. And a good menu. Don't forget the travellers socks too! When are we going by the way?

Kaz xx

[Guest_1055]

Good Afternoon Sherie

I just read on BB cafe thread that you needed some chill time. Yes I am like that too, I just need to be by myself for a time. Which I might just put this e-reader device that I am now typing on to you, in my bedside drawer. And not even peek at it for the rest of the day.  OK I am now turning it off.

Hugs xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Sherie

Yes I did manage to switch of my thoughts last night and get some sleep. But here I am again, up still at 3am sitting in the same chair as last night. I should at least change chairs to get a bit of variety or something.

Yesterday I keep thinking about the purpose of life, my life... Why am I here? I believe CW had similar thoughts one time, so I will pop over to her thread and read the posts there in a bit. It is a very complex topic, and sometimes I wish that I didn't think about it, but rather focus on loving others and just living. It is just like Shaun the sheep aka Wayne said, I over think things. When I do this, I become very emotionally heavy or something.

Yes I have one child, a son, but I can't tell you anything about him really, because I know he would not like it.

You must have joined the BB forums a couple of weeks after me, or maybe only one week after. A lot of people seem to come and go don't they? and then you get used to seeing the regulars. I am not sure about you, but I have never had much to do with forums or chats, Facebook and such before BB.

Anyway now I am wondering about you, like what do you like to do ...like what interests to you have?

I read on BB cafe that you need a rest from socially being with people, to recharge. I think I am the same, not that I socialize much anyway. I am not sure why I need the rest or why it is draining though.... But I can totally relate to what you said.

And there is no way I would do that karaoke thing either, but I do sing in the car, when driving along if I am by myself that is.

I was wondering if you ever get embarrassed to laugh out loud, like embarrassed to hear your own laughter, because I do.

Did you get all your chores and gardening done on New Years Day?

OK I am going to say bye now, and I did actually laugh and no one heard me... when I read a conversation you were having with MR Scotchfinger on one of his threads. I scrolled up the page a few times to get another dose of laughter....

Hugs

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

 I am missing you, hope you are OK?  And  I am sending you a hug.... And a pat for your two doggie friends

Shelley xxx

[Guest_5218]

This may not be the most appropriate thread to post this on, but I wanted to go where I knew you all.  I almost posted on the Cafe thread, but its meant to be more lighthearted stuff.  So this is a bit 'heavy' for there.  So folks, this is it.

Its now 3.30am and I cant sleep.  Well its actually that I dont want to sleep, because the nightmares have started again. I'm feeling really vulnerable, afraid and alone.  I've just checked all the doors, again.  All locked.  I know this is totally irrational, and I know I'm safe, but my mind is telling me otherwise.  Got all the usual 'fight or flight' responses - racing heart,  shakes, hypervigilance, etc.  And why is it that when you need it the most, that you simply forget all the basics of calming breathing techniques?  Is it in  through the nose and out through the mouth, or the other way around?  In for 7 seconds and out for 11 seconds?  I think thats right.  I feel so stupid sometimes!

Anyway I just thought I'd check in with you all here thinking someone may still be up.  Its better than reverting to my silly mind games with the digital clock.  And my psych has told me that when I get the nightmares and flashbacks that I need to get up, turn on the light and get back to reality.  So thats what I'm doing.

The hard thing is, I dont know what has caused it all this time.  There hasnt been any triggers that I'm aware of. Nothing on the news, and the 20 year anniversary of the event is not until the end of Feb, so it isnt that.  Or at least I hope it isnt, because its going to be a long 2 months if it is!  20 years - silly, but I tend to think of my life as pre trauma and post trauma.  There is that much of a division.

Okay I have come back to reality again, and I'm feeling a little better.  I'm sorry to bother you all, and please know that I really am okay.  I always am eventually.  It is a comfort to know you're there, so thanks for listening.

Sherie

[Guest_1055]

Oh Sherie you are no bother at all, and you are not alone because I am thinking of you, whilst sitting on my chair here. So you can keep posting here if you want. It is now just after 4 am.

OK xx

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Shelley, I appreciate that.  Nice to know you're there.  But I am going to try to get some sleep again now.  Hopefully I wont lapse back into nightmare mode.  Talk again tomorrow though please ............

Sherie x

[Guest_1055]

OK Sherie still thinking of you, hoping you are having a more peaceful sleep.

Shelley xxx

PS I did write another post to you about 3:30 am, but it has not come through as yet....

[Guest_1055]

Hello kaz

I see that you flew in to say hello. I can't tell you anything about my son, because I know he would not like it.

But here is a hug for you....

Shelley xx