Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning to you Kaz!

xxx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Sherie,

Yep, 1 step closer. Im really really scared. 
My boyfriend got annoyed at me last night. I was reading about morning anxiety, its causes and how to tackle it whilst he went to get the shopping for dinner. He came back and I was still reading about it, then I went into the kitchen to help unpack the shopping. I told him about some of the things I'd read and he said "yep, keep focusing on being anxious".

I asked if he was mad at me and he said "yes, I am" and told me that I was focusing too much on my anxiety and getting myself into a loop with it and spending too much time on the forum and he didn't think it was helpful.
I apologised and went back to watch some tv. He came and apologised for upsetting me and caught me crying. 

I felt stupid, I felt like he was right and I am doing this to myself. 
I wish I wasn't like this and I wish so much to be better.

[Durras]

Hi CW,

I'm not to sure how to respond but I want to respond.

It is hard for the people closest to us to really truly understand what we are going through and to help us. I think maybe they just don't know what to say sometimes and it must be frustrating for them when they may also start to feel that what they are doing for us isn't enough to make us happy and that is hurting him. Maybe just reach out to him and give him a big hug and say thank you. Hugs always help all round.

So nice your boyfriend apologised he does care for you and wants to help you and for yourself don't feel stupid.

I think like myself today I have focused too much on my depression I haven't done much at all today except put a few posts on the site here and read many of the posts on here, I have done some washing and ironing but then I have been feeling headache and tired and down too. I have no energy. I feel terrible and slack and useless cause here's my husband working so hard and here's me done nothing all day.

As I said at the beginning I didn't know what to say but I understand where your coming from.

Durras

[Guest_5218]

Oh Chicken, I'm so sorry.  I suppose there is a limit to everyone's patience.  And its a pretty stressful time for everyone, even 'normal' people.  Ha ha, sorry folks, thats not a put down at all.  Your boyfriend sounds like he has been so understanding and supportive all along.  Do you think he may consider that you are spending more time on the Forums than you are quality time with him?  That he may be feeling a little neglected at the moment.  

At least he realised that he has upset you, and is obviously sorry to have done that.  It would be the last thing he would want.  As Durras so rightly said above, it is very hard for our loved ones to know what to do to help us. Most of the time we dont know ourselves.  So it must be very frustrating for them.  

Do you ever discuss with your boyfriend what you talk about on the Forums?  Perhaps you could help him to understand more if he browsed some of the threads as well, maybe even with you?  And talk about it.

So did you learn any tips from your research on morning anxiety?  If so, please tell.....

Thinking of you  Chicken Wings with much affection and understanding.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Kazzl,

Thankyou for your morning message of congratulations.  I appreciate that.

And I agree, it has been a most active thread lately.  So much so that its hard to keep up!

I think the weather is a little cooler down your way today, is it not?  We havent got the cool change yet, but its coming.  May get thunderstorms tonight, and much cooler tomorrow with lots of rain predicted.  Nice.  I love rain!  You may be able to spend some more time in the garden with the cooler weather.  

Hope you have been having a good day...........

Sherie xx

[Guest_1055]

I'm so sorry you are struggling today. You are going to be OK..... you are going to be OK.

With much love to you.

Shelley xxx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Sherie and Durras,

My boyfriend also has anxiety as well as ADHD and mild depression. We just have very different types of anxiety and depression.
On one hand it makes it easy because he is good to me and understands that I don't always feel great. On the other hand because we deal with our issues very differently and they are triggered by different things it can mean we disagree on how to conquer it. 
When he is feeling bad I want to hug him and help him feel well, whereas he would prefer to just take some time out alone and distract himself with computer work. I've had to learn to adjust my behaviour to suit his way of managing his mind.
I on the other hand like alone time, but I also like to be looked after, to feel like someone is there to protect me if I need it. From the world and from myself and my thoughts.

We actually both really like to take solo time in the evenings before we do something together. We haven't spent any less time together because of how I've been feeling lately, the difference is how I've been spending my solo time. I hope I tell him enough that I appreciate him and all he does for me. I feel like I do. I will make sure I do.

I don't tell him too much about what I write here, not for any reason, I just haven't.

Morning anxiety is really common. One of the causes is that when you wake up your body naturally produces cortisol (the stress hormone). It can make you feel tense and anxious and if you are already dealing with anxiety its like your body kicking it off and then your mind takes over.
So this morning I tried reminding myself of that when I woke up with tightness in my chest.
Also over night your blood sugar levels drop which can cause some people to be anxious, so you should try and eat soon after you wake. I tried this this morning too but I haven't been able to manage breakfast for a while so it didn't really work for me.
There were other reasons, related to expecting anxiety and stressful morning routines too.

[Guest_5218]

Hi CW,

Okay, that all makes sense.  With your boyfriend that is.  Its good that you both know what the other's boundaries and needs are when things are not so good.  Very important in making a relationship work.

Thanks for the info on anxiety.  Thats interesting.  I remember my psych talking about cortisol.  Not sure whats wrong with me though, coz I suffer from night time anxiety much more than morning anxiety.  Must be something wrong with my cortisol production, or maybe its just all used up during the night.  Ha ha.

I do always make sure we have a good breakfast first thing in the morning though, and I think that is quite important for me.  Besides my husband is the best breakfast cook!  Every second day we have eggs, done all different ways and with different 'sides'.  He is a very dab hand at omelettes, train smash, fried eggs, poached eggs - you name it.  And I really look forward to a nice leisurely breakfast.  Time to relax.

Mind you, tomorrow being my first day at my new job, it will probably prove my theory wrong about not experiencing severe anxiety in the mornings!  But I dont have to start until 9.30am, which means I can still get the day under way with a good leisurely breakfast.

Wish me luck everyone..........

Sherie xx

[Chicken_Wings]

Best of luck tomorrow, although I know you will be great.
Don't go expecting the anxiety Sherie, I think I do now and it makes it worse!

I thought maybe knowing a bit more about what happens in the morning might make me feel better, I think knowing about the cortisol was a little useful this morning.

I had my normal anxious morning, but it started to ease when I came to work and began to busy myself. Now it seems to be building again. I'm trying to do what all the different exercises say and just accept the anxious feeling and let it pass. My natural instinct is to fight it so this is hard. 

If I'm honest, I'm beginning to feel a little hopeless within myself.

My boyfriend is excellent at breakfast too. He used to make me a nice breakfast every morning before this latest relapse. At the moment I just can't force myself to eat when I get up. 

[Guest_5218]

Thanks CW, and yes I will try.

I know that I will be okay once I get there.  Provided I keep busy, I can usually control things pretty well. No time to think!  Which is why work is so important for me.

Sorry the anxiety is chasing you as the day wears on.  Your natural instinct sounds the same as mine, to fight it. But that can really wear you down, and you end up exhausted.  Of course its only mid afternoon in WA now isnt it?  Do you work full time, what sort of work do you do, and do you enjoy it?  All these questions, sorry about that.  Please dont feel obliged to answer.

I know it can be hard to eat when you feel like you just cant swallow anything.  But since your boyfriend is so good at brecky, maybe you could ask him if he would make you something special.  One of your favourites?  You may have to make a big effort, but it would be worth it.  He would probably feel really great about being asked to make a nice breakfast for you both, and it could only be of benefit to you.   Are you working right up to Christmas Eve?  Do you get a break then?

Sherie x