Will these be the right thing and help ? depression and poss' bipolar .

[Guest_1584]

Hi all.

l can't go into anymore than this but my daughter 19 1/2 has serious depression and anxiety and they suspect mild bipolar. The poor thing had an absolute yr from hell last yr and all friendships she's grown up with and new ones are blown to bits - there's a lot more but she feels her reputation is completely blown - semi country area so you could imagine, add SM, She's been in a terrible way 3mths, mostly in bed , crying, completely down on herself. She's been to doctors and psych and when a bed comes they want to keep her in for awhile. Anyway , it's too hard to go further so please don't ask there's enough there. But there's a few things l'm wondering if they will help and are they a good idea,

Firstly , she racked up 1500 in fines, all way over due so they're probly a lot more now. l've had to sort out my own before and l know what a gruel it is to get pay offs and it all sorted. She's put it off for mths, she can't do anything let alone face those people and all the paper work and calls. So l'm thinking of paying them out and she can just pay me off, done. But is that good idea , or should she try at least to fix them herself ? But l don't even know how she could cope with that right now,

The next thing is , she wants to move away when she's well. Says she can't repair things here and doesn't even want to anyway with most of the so called friends. She certainly couldn't cope away right now but she's never been away or on her own and can't realize how hard and lonely too it will be, She has no one left and loneliness right now is just torturing her but at least she has us and her ex bf she's still friends with. But then l think , well a lot of us moved away late teens early 20s , l back packed round the country 12 mths at 19 totally alone. completely left where l grew up later too. Ex moved cities totally alone at 17 , started nursing . And as l was sayin the other day , not many actually go into adult with child hood friends anyway , most change into different directions.

We don't know, can't stop her if she does later , but would it be a solution , would she get well enough again to cope ?

Thanks for ant thoughts and advice , appreciated. rx

[Guest_4643]

Hi randomx. I don't have any advice, I'm sorry about that. But I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you and your Daughter are going through so much. I do hope she's ok. I know how it feels about the loneliness, fake "friends" and whatnot, and I'm 21. I wish I could be friends with her. I hope things get better for all of you. I'm sorry I can't offer advice and help, but please know that I do care. I just haven't been in those experiences before with the fines & whatnot. I do apologise. I hope you both feel better.

[quirkywords]

Random thanks for sharing your story and I can understand how hard it is for such a loving dad as you are.

I feel I can relate to some of what has appended to your daughter.
I was diagnosed with manic depression now bipolar when I was16.
when I was very depressed I would go home to my parents and when I was high I wanted to gar from my parents to study and then

[Guest_4643]

I'm so sorry to hear that quirky

[quirkywords]

Part two, my post decided to send before I had finished.
My parents were always reluctant when I chose to go away and I would be rude and have no regards for what I put them through.

So this is a fraction of my story. I would go on shopping sprees and built up a debt

on a credit card. My parents found out and paid it off, but when I amassed more next time I was too ashamed to let them know.

As apparent now I can see how my behaviour really caused them pain and stress in a decade when there was shame and stigma about mental illness.

When I had my moodswings for many years before I was medicated and not in denial , I would leave my parents and then come back depressed and docile only to leave again when high.
I think I started a course then withdrew so many times.

It depends on your daughter and how much she is aware of her strengths and limitations and her willingness to get help and support if needed.

My problem was that I would seek help when depressed but my mania was far more seductive and dangerous to my reputation and my studies.

There is a thread This bipolar life ,that is quite long but the very first post has analogy of moodswings which you may find interesting.

I don’t usually post this long.

When your daughter feels better you can talk to her because when she is either high or low it is not the time to have a long chat.

I have only told my story so I hope in a small way it helps you. feel free to ask more questions .

[Guest_1584]

Thanks so much mb for your thoughts and good wishes, and l'm truly sorry for anything your going through. l wish l could give you her SM or something here , you could both really use a friend right now. The fines themselves aren't that bigger deal , a lot of money though , but you see it's all the complications of getting time to pay and organizing it , she just isn't capable of dealing with that right now or for a long time just yet. So l just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, maybe part of her healing , when she starts , is fixing things herself ,.l don't know. But they'll be 7k by then with fees.

Anyway , thanks again mb , hope your ok , you take care eh. rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi quirk , and thank so much for the reply and talk.

But you see, that's the thing , she's not capable of anything right now but well , as l was just saying to mb . Don't want her running back for 10yrs though either or be bailing her out every 5mins. Couldn't anyway wouldn't have it butttt, well. She's already so riddled with guilt.

She's been good about help now , she knows she needs it , so we're hopeful with that.

Thanks for the threads yeah been reading everything through the place and around the net , and your story , l hope it wasn't too hard on you putting it down here and thanks again.

rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX

Im sorry that you are going through this pain with your daughter. Unfortunately its common to have a daughter/son wish to move out yet with your daughter's depression I really feel your pain

My 27 year old daughter has racked up $9,000 in fines (traffic..rego....impounded cars etc) and is slowly paying them off...It is heartbreaking as she has been brought up well.....except for her mum and I splitting up in 1995 when she was 2. Like yourself I didnt bring my daughter up to be a bogan...yet she is suffering

I understand your pain and anguish RX...Our children can pay a heavy price when their parents separate. Can I ask if you have any face to face contact with your daughters doctors and her depression?

I know your daughter is everything to you RX.....as my daughter is to me...and yes this is awful to go through

Paul

[geoff]

Hello RX, we join together with someone we love and start to raise children we've produced with all the care and affection we can provide, but as they begin to age and develop their own personality then we have little say as to what they should or shouldn't be doing, simply because are they going to pay attention or ignore us and decide for themselves, sometimes this is so difficult to try and understand.

It's not that we don't know what they are going through, it's just that we have to get them to accept our past experience and knowledge and as an example, when we went shopping there were fewer shops and parking was easy, now there are shops galore and parking is difficult, how can our children ever relate to this, they say they do, but in reality it's questionable.

We can help our kids out, but eventually, the buck stops with them, although if they need some type of medical assistance, then they still have our support and this can be taken in many different forms.

If she does want to move away then this maybe the right decision, new friends, new situations can make a huge difference as long as it doesn't end up in the position as before, and there is a possibility this may happen.

There could be a chance that these fines can be paid off at $20 a fortnight once a deal has been set up.

RX, like those above me, we wish you the very best and please let us know.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a million for dropping in Paul , really appreciate it and another dads point of view, But yeah see that's it , l don't wanna get caught up in this bailing out thing no one bailed me out but l've seen where that goes anyway and l don't believe it's healthy. All the bloody so call friends she was partying with and carting round she be putting in for it but of course they've all abandoned her. Scum.

Problem is she could pay then off but she;s just not capable of making the calls and jumping through all the hoops right now to set it up. that's the thing. So a bypass would be she just pays me off hassle free instead.

So right about divorced parents mate. ex n me have kept things good right through and still are and never ever put any pressure on d in anyway she's free to come and go as am l and her mum anytime, right through , but to be a family right now would sure be a help for her.

Really hope your girl can find happiness and settleness mate, everyone deserves that but troubled people even more so. 9k eh yeah that's where these will end up that's the thing.

Take care my friend and thanks again. rx